Monday, April 22, 2013

Monday, Monday....

Monday again.

And I am glad to see it.

Not just because it is Earth Day. I didn't do anything to celebrate it. I drove 4.6 miles across the earth from my house to my job. I will drive 4.6 miles back across the earth from my job to my house after work.  That is as about as "earth day" as this Oldgirl gets.

Work is whisper quiet. That's because most people are gone to a chemistry conference a few miles away. I am not interested. I rather work while everyone is gone. And I don't like to go to conferences unless I am flying out to one. And it's on a beach. You get the picture.

And I actually caused myself  a handful of trouble this weekend. All because I turned my phone off and I didn't inform anybody.

It's a bit perplexing. Why? Because I rarely talk on the phone. VERY rarely. I text a lot less than I use to, also. My goodness, I throw up a little in my mouth at the mere thought of being on twitter every second of the day, and I don't fool with Facebook unless someone tells me "GO check your facebook email."  My brother is home from the war, so Facebook can be shut down for all I care.

I like my phone for my music streaming and my gaming. And heck, I figured out how to sync all that stuff to my Kindle, so I figure it is okay to just toss the cell phone in my bag and just have a queit weekend, right?

WRONG.

Oh well. I just caused myself a bunch of trouble. And you know me. Nothing worse in the world to me than being a bother. That bothers me to almost the pit of throwing me into depression. I don't like being a bother. Much of that stems from childhood, when the least small mistake would be used against me for days, months or years. So that bothers me, because I don't know how hard or long it will be all held against me.

I pride myself in taking good care of my needs and not being an inconvenience to anyone. I don't know how long that will last. I hope this lupus doesn't bring me to a point where I can't live alone and need help or anything. But until then, I am happy that I can exist on my own. No cane, no wheelchairs, no inability to work. Just living day by day.

And over the past couple of weeks I've been having bad lupus flares, which I kept to myself. Because the stuff usually passes. But it all got exasperated by my own doing plus a bunch of stress. When I feel all that coming on, I really can head it off by eating extremely clean. Then this whole car thing (which I really felt was not a big deal and was a little stressed over to why it was bothering me in the first place) had me a bit stressed and my schedule all flipped out. I tend to do better if I can wake up, go to work, come home and rinse and repeat. No so over the past couple of weeks. Sigh.

Mix PMS into the mix, which at times kicks my flares up several notches, and WOW. I remember telling my doctor a couple of years ago, "Uh, you know... I believe my meds bump into my hormones at certain times of the month."

"Yes they do," she said. "And sometimes it can get really bad. Especially if you are stressed, even a little."

This, of course was followed by a lecture to go somewhere and be alone and decompress. Get away from stuff and people and just be... quiet.

Which was what I attempted to do over the weekend. Aunt Flo showed up, and just like that, alllllll symptoms and pain vanished into thin air. And I remember thinking, I'm just going to sleep all weekend long. Turn this phone off, get some writing done if I feel like it, and for goodness sake turn the frickin' television off. I can't take anymore bombers and towns blowing up and gun law bad news. Man.

And that was a mistake. I learned that when Play Mama's brother, my "Uncle Corey" showed up at my door, all wide-eyed and staring at me, that was a big mistake. I thought that dude was gonna pick me up and spin me around.

"Girl... folk worried about you."

"Really? For what?" was my answer. Because I just didn't get it.

I understood what I heard earlier. I was laying in bed and heard what I thought was thunder. But it was him checking my garage for an echo. Interestingly, I had been out there for a good hour or so earlier that morning. I really need to clean out the garage and managed to sweep and throw out stuff. I think I was happy just to feel better. I had gotten some real sleep for the first time in two weeks instead of this 2 to 4 hour foolish mascarade of sleep I'd been getting. And I remember I didn't have any electronics or music or nothing on. There was just the sounds of the push broom. And I remember how warm and quiet it was and the sounds of the birds chirping. It was just a good morning.

Just... quiet. A little time to be alone at my thoughts.  That hasn't happened for a minute.

Until I was staring at a wide-eyed Uncle Corey. He had Play Mama A on the phone and I talked to her. I suppose she was worried about me. I don't think this would have been a problem if I hadn't texted the night before that I had been feeling horrible for the past two weeks. I remember being on the verge of tears when I text that, because it felt good not to be all achy. It wasn't unbearable pain, but just a constant joint ache. I don't know, sometimes I forget it is just flares, and that it will pass. And worst of all, I didn't mean to even text that. I was just thinking out loud about the causes of it all.  I really don't mean to cause anyone that much concern. AT ALL.

Uncle Corey and I talked for a good fifteen minutes. Then the police pulled up, as he had called them.

'Oh dang. Zone 3," I whispered. "I ain't holding anything. You holding something, man?"

"No."

"Me neither."

He went and talked to them. I don't trust the cops. Whole department got locked up years ago. (I very reluctantly went in to talk them at our local police house about how to do my car tag stuff with Lucy Jr. a couple of weeks ago just so I could get the car home without getting twisted up and arrested for having a tagless car. It broke my heart to see two female police officers up in there who were young enough to be my children. But they were really nice and helpful to me).

But it was interesting to talk to Uncle Corey. I told him something I wanted to do for myself, which he has been doing for awhile for profit. He told me in a few words what to do. So I am now en route to looking into it. I guess I just had to express it to someone who is actively doing it. A few words of wisdom in the midst of me just trying to get some alone quiet time. Happens on a daily basis these days. I am thankful for that. Part of me wondered if that was the whole reason for this whole misunderstanding: to kick me in a direction I want to go.

We talked about Lucy, Jr., since he knows cars and was fascinated by how clean the original Lucy was the first time he saw it. I told him I bought one much cleaner. And I told him of the ridicuously interesting factoid I discovered about Lucy Jr. last week. (His eyes went wide on what I told him. And he backed up down the porch stairs. I will post about that this week sometimes, because I just GOTTA make a post/written record of it. Just gotta).

Anyway, I turned my phone back on. I saw all this stuff on twitter, like I'm a missing person or something. It is all very O_O. I'm sorry, but who cares what I am doing? That really doesn't register with me, especially since I tend to be lone wolf and my interests are different from the crowd's interests. I was just happy to not have any joint pain and to get some sleep. That is all. I guess that will be seen as an excuse by some. And I understand that. Chalk it up to me just being selfish, something I'm working pretty hard not to be.

I sincerely apologize for causing any concern to anyone. Just needed to be quiet for a minute.

My phone's back on, chained to my hand. Sigh. I promise not to cause any more issues like this again.

My sister and I discuss this from time to time. She got a good verbal lashing for not answering her phone for a weekend.

"Lisa, I was just tired," she said with a sigh. "Sometimes you just wake up and decide you want to just sit around in your draws and veg out. All day."

"I know, girl. I only bother you if I ain't heard from you in a couple of weeks. I know how it is to just want to be still. Folks will trip, but as long as you feel alright and decompressed, they'll forget about it."

She's a bit more active than me. And I suppose that's a good thing. But I know it wears her out being pulled to and fro. Sometimes you gotta sit down somewhere. And it's alright. I tell myself the same.
It is Earth day. Let's all be happy.

Maybe I should plant a flower or two. Maybe they will be as lovely as these flowers next to the walkway next to my porch.
Every once in awhile, a purple flower blooms.


One of the locals grabbed those plants from somewhere and planted them near my porch.

*lee standing on porch, eyeing him suspiciously*

"Where you get those from?"
"Down the street. They were clearing out a yard."
"Uh-hunh... I ain't trying to get locked up over stolen flowers."
"They were throwing them out, LadyLee. I promise!"
"Uh... yeah. Okay."

I have had those for 3 years. They bloom every year. Nice flowers.

LOL. People know not to bring me stolen stuff. My constant answer is "Yes that watch is beautiful! I don't want to buy it!"

The flowers weren't stolen, I suppose, sense he didn't charge me for them. He just thought they would look nice in my yard.

I will end with a fascinating quote that I heard yesterday:

"Common people have goals. Exceptional people have strategies."

I like the word strategy.  I was thinking about it.

Goal + Plan = Strategy.

Interesting indeed.

4 comments:

  1. Lee, you and I are too much alike. You don't like to bother folks, I don't like to bother folks. We both are gonna have to work through that chick. I'm glad you're feeling better!

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  2. Oh you were in trouble(using Tootie voice). LOL. That is nice you have folks that will look out for you. There are folks who wished they did. I don't like bother folks either however, I would feel bad if no one noticed I was MIA for a few days. Cherish the love.

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  3. That's right Shai, we just love her and wanted to make sure she was fine. It is not a bother. That is what we do. It is no bother at all!

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  4. I had a friend who occasionally goes off the map..and its SCARY. I saw some of the tweets with people being concerned...its a good thing and no one was bothered. They just wanted to make sure you were alright.

    That is such a good thing.

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Slap the *crickets* out the way, kindly step up to the mike, and SAY something!!