22 Tuesday Thoughts??
10 wasn't enough, and I kept going. And going. And going.
Until I got to 22. And it's cool that it worked out that way, especially since it's such a limited topic. But I've gone back and read my journal entries over the last couple of months and the trends have generated many a thought. Might as well write it all down, right?
So here we go. Warning: it's a lot.
1. My ultimate goal: Do my "morning pages" every day for a year.
2. I have been working on this since December 24th, 2014. I am up to around page 450. If I did this right, I would have some six to seven hundred pages right now.
3. I should be doing three pages a day. But after spring forward, i.e., turning the clock forward one hour in the spring, that stopped. I couldn't wake up early enough, and I haven't really recovered. My average journal entry is 2 full college ruled pages a day. I find that three pages is best. I am more apt to be honest with myself. There is more revelation, too.
4. I tell you one thing I know for sure: I am thoroughly aware beyond a shadow of a doubt what goes on just beneath my emotional skin. That's good, but it's also very painful. But I am thankful that I can put a proverbial mirror up to face and right about it.
5. I am way too much aware of my bad habits. It's like a thin thread, a dark theme that weaves throughout the full 450 pages.
6. I am very good at encouraging myself.
7. There are several instances of things I am concerned about or wonder about in the very back recesses of my mind, and I notice that those things get answered or cleared up, usually within a very short period of time.
8. Favorite verse that I write about (to encourage myself, no less): Psalms 138:8 God perfects those things that concern me. That means calm down, God got this. What's crazy interesting is that He takes care of stuff that concerns me that I don't even know concern me. That's a hard sentence to understand, but let it marinate for a few days. You'll get it.
9. I get depressed during my PMS time. And I spend time writing about being depressed and not knowing why. Then suddenly, Aunt Flo knocks at the door and barrels through with her suitcase. All of a sudden, it's like a dark cloud being lifted from around my head. And I can see the marvelous sun, lol. But it's quite interesting to go back and read and see the trends and how dark my writing will get. It had me all O_o.
10. I spend more time journalling than I care to about work-related concerns. There are good-sized paragraphs on what kind of technical instrument maintenance I need to do, and what paper I need to read, etc. I don't like that, as it feels like a waste of paper. But since it's on my mind, it's good to write about it. What is fascinating is how much I write the words I can't wait to get to work today.
11. My journaling time habit: from around 7:00 am to 8:00 am. I'm usually laying across the bed writing. I spend about 20% of the time trying to do the right thing and journal at my dining room table.
12. If I'm too sleepy, I misspell words and my handwriting looks like that of a serial killer. It tends to look the worse kind of chicken scratch. So I make sure to get up and walk around or splash some water on my face if that's happening.
14. I am rarely angry about anything. I think that got squashed once I heard the quote Anger is an expression of fear. My pastor said if you're angry, spend time on the root, i.e., the fear. As a result, I spend much time with the question Why am I afraid?
15. I find that I get highly "annoyed".
16. What's so interesting about being annoyed is that I spend time thinking and writing about my part in the annoyance and solutions to the dissipation of it. And that's a good thing.
17. I find that I keep a great record of all the goodness in my life. A TON of folks pass through my life and bless me. I can hardly keep up, but it is good to record it all. I didn't realize how much my cup runneth over until I started writing about it. I tell you one thing: it's like throwing a huge bucket of water on the fire called murmuring and complaining.
18. I always journal with a good waterproof pen, because there are pages where my tears have fallen and the letters of the words bleed.
19. My gal Val (Serenity_23) over at Living My Faith read in a book that your written prayers are stronger than your spoken prayers. She and I chit-chat alot, and she keeps a very detailed and immaculate prayer journal. That stuff comes to past like crazy. So I went back and looked around at some of my written prayers throughout my morning pages. I was wondering why when I wrote a prayer down (which was always rare) that the turnaround on it is super fast, sometimes being answered only a few hours later. Hmm... Gal Val's reading is not only good for her, but good for me. Keep sharing with me, chick! Because your girl is listening really close.
20. I keep wondering... how much will I understand about myself after a 1000 pages of journaling? Only time will tell.
21. Despite my pockets of unbridled ratchetness, I pontificate and think about spiritual things 90% of the time. That is good I suppose. But I always wonder how much my ratchetness affects me. Hmm.
22. I am happiest when I am sowing seed. I write a ton about that. I didn't realize how much seed I sow (and things as little as a positive compliment I count as seed). And I figured out that it all comes back to me double or even triple. How awesome is that? And that's not the reason I do it. I just want it to be an ingrained habit. I want it to be like a tattoo on skin. Does that make sense?
Wow. That was a doozy. 22 Tuesday thoughts. A world record for me. And I learned much about myself.
And it was fun.
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