Birthday Food for Thought: "Associates"

My baby brother Milk and Cookies crouches in a corner and shivers when I shift into rant mode.

I don’t know, there’re just a few things that I’m really passionate about.

I’m passionate about my friends and associates.

Let me rephrase that: I’m passionate about who I associate myself with.

This has been the subject of much discussion between myself and Milk and Cookies.

I firmly believe:

“Everything’s about who you associate with. Everything! If you can surround yourself with a good crowd of people, you’ve solved 99% of your problems.”

I throw this around on our blog sista email thread from time to time, whenever some b.s. comes out about getting shafted by a so called "friend".

And that Oldgirl Serenity-30 always wants me to elaborate futher.

“You should do a food for thought on that, Leezie.”

“NO, Serenity. NO! Leave me alone!”

(That chick know she don’t like all the smurfiness over in the House of LadyLee. LOL!)

But this past year, especially this past year, it has resonated with me.

The idea of "Good Associates" rings with me. It started in New Orleans. My downstairs neighbor, we'll call her "Bridgette", use to LOVE hanging around me. She was a little on the slow side, but I found it weird. I mean, I am a very boring individual. And I'm not the nicest girl in the world. I don't say all the right things, or do all the right things, etc.

But Bridgette was enamored with me. She'd never met a black scientist, let alone someone with a Ph.D. She would tell people how I was a "Bayou Chemist". (Man, I STILL don't know what a "Bayou Chemist" is.)

But she said something that floored me one day. It was simple enough.

"LadyLee, I purpose in my heart to make sure I hang around the right people. If I can get around the right people, who are about something, then I know I am on my way to becoming somebody. I will eventually think better. I will eventually DO better."

Goodness. I could only respond with the New Orleans lingo, "For True?"

That was one of the most important things I learned while in New Orleans.

Another “food for thought” nugget:

Relationships and frienships are important. They are either bridges to your destiny or they are holding you back, keeping you in bondage. One or the other, there’s no in between.

That’s just my opinion, and the way things have gone for me. I have been the "bridge builder" for folks. I have been the person keeping someone in "bondage", too. (Yikes)

And as a result, I, LadyLee, don’t have many friends. Nor do I want many friends.

I’m waaaay more interested in quality than quantity. Way more.

For everyone who SAYS they’re your friend is NOT your friend.

I’ve argued that point several times with Milk and Cookies, who always has the *cricket* look in his eye when we have a discussion about it.

But come on, let’s get to the nitty-gritty here: Every time you look at the news, and see some young busta who has robbed someone or killed someone, you think, “Dang! That’s terrible!”

I think that, too. I really do.

But I also think about… “Who are that person’s friends? Who are they associating themselves with? What have he and his friends been talking about?”

Hmm…

Conversely, when I see someone who has great success, I think “Who are that person’s friends? Who are they associating with? What have he and his friends been talking about?”

All of this goes in conjunction with my “Words” post yesterday. Any which way it goes, somebody been talking to you. Either they have been talking to you about your dreams or goals, or they’ve been talking to you about getting over into some mess you ain’t got no business being caught up in.

Either way it goes… DESTINY AWAITS YOUR ARRIVAL.

If I could crack open Milk and Cookie’s head and get him to understand that, I surely would. But he thinks I’m an old fogey, just like my sister does. “I should be able to go through things on my own, Lisa,” he says.

Okay. You do that. Knock yourself out.

Yeah. He's going through ish right now because of associates. Wonder if his thoughts have changed? Hmm.

I wrote a post two years ago about friendship. It surrounded something my favorite high school teacher said, something that has stuck with me since my high school days. He said that if you have five true friends, then you should consider yourself very rich.

Well, us, being young people at the time, thought that was the silliest thing we’d ever heard. We laughed a LONG time about that.

But I’ve kept my teacher’s words close to my heart. Over the years, I’ve found those words to be true.

I can make a list of people who I “associate” with, and I can easily put a plus sign, a multiplication sign, a minus sign, or a division sign by their name. Those with the plus sign or multiplication sign next to their names add to my life. They make me a better person. They say things that push me in the right direction, give me hope. They encourage me. They listen. They support me in my dreams and goals.

But those with the minus or division signs next to their name…Man, I find out the older I get, the more I am quick to stay out of their way. They stress me out. Such people have gotten over on me, talked behind my back, all kinds of stuff. They’ve tried to catch me up in their drama, have even had me looking REAL crazy.

I feel down when I see them walking towards me. I hesitate when I see their names on the caller-ID.

Those people, I stay away from.

Listen. If you’re not being a blessing to me, then stay away from me.

You may think that sounds harsh, but allow me to finish my thought.

If you’re not being a blessing to me, then stay away from me. Equally, if I’m not being a blessing to you? You should stay away from me. You should have absolutely NOTHING to do with me.

Yeah.

If you can put a minus sign, or a division sign next to my name, then well... you know the rest.

That has to be one of the harshest LadyLee mantras on record. But I can look back on last year and see it to be true for myself.

One thing I like to do is to do things for people. I love, love, LOVE sowing into people’s lives. I purposed in my heart a few years ago to work diligently towards that. And I ain’t even talking about money. I got bills, baby, and as long as I got bills coming in, that means I don’t have spare change laying around. (Thought I did, but I don't.) My finance group has whipped me over the head with that.

But I love giving. A card, a listening ear, a word of advice, stuff like that. If a friend and I are discussing some subject matter, he or she can usually look for a book on that subject in the mail from me. If I can tell you a good joke, and cheer you up, I’ve done my job. I've sowed a seed into your life.

I must say this year that I have really appreciated friends and associates that have been a blessing to me. There have been SO many times I’ve prayed about something, been in the MIDST of praying about something even, and a friend calls… with the answer. With issues that I’ve had in my writing… I tell you, there is NOTHING like having a conversation with my favorite author and the problem is solved on the spot. There is nothing like receiving a card in the mail from a friend, letting me know that they are thinking of me, and just wanting to say hello. I can’t put a value amount of a good conversation with a friend, and even though we are polar opposites, they love me anyway.

The best thing I heard last year was from my best friend LadyTee, during a phone conversation one night. She said, “God really thought about me when he made you my friend.” That messed my head up something terrible.

Why? Because I don’t consider myself a “great” friend. Heck, LadyTee can come over and I can go off to myself somewhere and do my own thing, completely ignoring her. And she don’t care. I may or may not call you, as I don’t like to call people. I'm not breaking my neck to hang out with you. I don’t like to shop, so don’t expect me to go on shopping excursions with you. I am a consummate tomboy, so I balk at sitting around doing hair and painting nails (the horror! LadyTee is a girly-girl, so she likes the stuff, lol. The closest we got to playing with make-up was some 20 years ago when she was trying to disguise a passion mark on my neck with some liquid foundation. My girl knows how to keep me out of trouble!!).

I am constantly being accused about being “mad” about something, which is not a good look, because it don’t cross my mind to prove that I ain’t mad. Lawd help us if I have to prove to you that I ain't mad. (sigh) I’m not one to “cheese” in folks face or kiss a$$ or anything.

I am not a typical friend at all. And I don’t want my friends typical.

One thing I can tell you… You never have to worry about me trying to get over with you. You never have to worry about me catching you up in my drama. My homies take issue with that because I don’t know the difference between drama and my need for help.

No, I don’t. Someday I will, but not today.

And know this… Know this…

I pray for you while I’m standing at the sink washing dishes, lol.

My prayer this year was for God to infuse my life with people who would bless me… with their words, their actions, etc, so much so that I can hardly keep up. And for Him to send people across my path that I can bless.

This year? I can say my prayers were answered.

I like to think that I've been a blessing to my friends. And I will continue to step up in the area.

I ask you a few questions:

Who are you associating yourself with today? Do they have you all caught up in some foolishness, or are they being supportive of you? Do they have dreams or are they trying to tare something up or tare YOU down? Are you supportive of them? Are you caught up in their drama? Anyone around you got you all stressed out today?

And to tie this in with yesterday's "words" post: What kind of "words" are your friends speaking to you? Are they words of life or words of destruction?

Nope I ain't perfect. I say the wrong things. Said some hurtful things today, even though I didn't realize it. That is something I have to work on. Real hard.

You all give me a special gift for my birthday. No, it's nothing material or anything like that. (If you knew me, you would know I'm the most nonmaterialistic Oldgirl walking the earth)

Give me the best gift ever:

Make sure you surround yourself with the right people. That’s up to you to decide who those people are. Here’s a clue: they are those who are helping you get to a better place mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

You do that and you’ve solved 99% of your problems.