Freestyle Fridays... The Long Version

TGIF!!

Fridays, man...

They roll around QUICK!

And this is Payday.

*backflips, cartwheels and splits*

I tell you, my weeks are going by pretty fast. This was an especially good week, as I was a bit more organized at home and I was able to get a fair amount of chores done during the week, instead of saving them for the weekend. I had to get out of the coming home and laying across the bed immediately (and kicking that Oldcat Oscar to the side). If I can spend about an hour doing some things, then I'm straight. Gives me more time to run the streets on the weekend.

Post of the Week: "Ugh" by Not So Anonymous. This speaks to the age old problem that many single black women have... You know, when folks always up on you, asking "So, when are you gonna get married?" And they are upset about your choices.

Ms. Not so Anonymous wrote about how her mother and others (women in particular) have a problem with her preference for men who have a college degree. I like what she said about that.

"...and like the others she had to let me know how much I was limiting myself, blah, blah, blah. Damn right I’m limiting myself…I’m limiting myself from the smokers, the guys who don’t use good judgment, those with terrible and faulty character, the uneducated, the non Christians, the fiscally irresponsible, those that lack ambition, the liars, the ex convicts, the close minded ones, and the mean spirited ones. But, never, not ever does she or they (the other women who find issue with MY preferences) focus on anything else being a limitation, nope, just the education piece."

I wanted to leave a comment... but it would've been too long. But the whole post deeply disturbed me, because as women, if you're not booed up or married, people have a problem with you.

Everyone has a standard for which they feel loved. And before all that, everyone has standards and particular sets of limitations they have for a mate. Those vary from woman to woman. And there is nothing wrong with that.

But here's what I've realized, and it burns bright as the sun in my brain ESPECIALLY since turning 39 or 40.

When it comes to these types of isshas, you either doing one of two things in life: You running with what's in your heart of hearts to do, or you doing things in order to gain the approval of people.

I can throw EVERYTHING into those two categories. There are no gray areas for me. Once I realized that, my life choices and my confidence in my priorities and preferences in all things became stronger.

In other words, I don't give a fcuk what you think about me, my life, and my choices.

Yes, that is hard to think, let alone, say, especially to those who love you, and who are coming at you out of love and a good heart, and in general just wanting you to be happy (in their eyes). For me, it doesn't stop at a man... (although I get it from time to time)... but it also comes down to what Church I prefer to attend, my hobbies, where I prefer to live, the beater I choose to drive (although I can afford a top of the line Benz or Lexus). All kinds of stuff.

I like what I like. I do what I do. I feel like as long as I'm not hurting myself or anyone in the process, then that's the way I'm going to continue to operate. Period.

Let me tell you something: there are people out there whose whole entire life is predicated on impressing people and on what people think of them. There whole life is determined by being approved by people. In less vernacular terms, the quality of their lives is dertermined by how much they are "sweated" by others.

It is to the point where if you sat down and talked to them to find who they truly are inside, you can't. Because they don't even know who they are their ownselves.

That is SAD. And I see it ALL the time.

And it helps me understand the "why" behind why God only looks at a person's heart. Only.

I truly adore people who are highly "indiviualistic", i.e., who dance mightily to the beat of their own drums. It's more than finding a needle in a haystack... it's more like finding a rare diamond in a haystack.

My dear Ms. Not So Anonymous... do me, your friendly neighborhood Oldgirl a favor: stick to your preferences. Just nod and smile when folks are criticizing you, and keep moving forward. STOP explaining yourself. You don't have to. Stick to what's in your heart, and what will be best for you and your child. Period.

'Cause let me tell you something, boo. Ain't no worse feeling in the world than waking up, looking over at the man you are married to, and looking over at him sleeping and thinking...

"I did the wrong thing."

All kind of ish goes through your mind. Mama liked him. My friends liked him. He looked good on paper. Well sorta. He didn't meet all my preferences. There was no "UMPH". But I gotta do SOMETHING.

That one little issha you got with him, that seemed minimal and not a big deal magnifies exponentially when you get married. EXPONENTIALLY. What seems like a small scab, becomes a festering oozing sore as big as your head, man... Real fast.

I may be wrong about that. Just my opinion. But women get desperate, and do desperate things, and end up off the path of their lives. And that bothers me.

In Ms. Not So Anonymous, I see my future POTUS, so she best get a man who can handle that. LOL!

Anyway, that was a good post. Bothered me, and made me think about my own life and needs.

Song of the Day: I bought a new Ipod shuffle (lost the old one), and this song keeps coming up (Gotta load more songs) . I really like this song here... good for lab work, lol. "My Need" by Janet Jackson.



*lee doing the hard shoulder shrugs while grinding up asparagus, soybeans and avocadoes in the lab*

That's from that Velvet Rope album.

I remember after hearing that record back in 1998 or 1999, thinking

Janet got some PROBLEMS!!

But you're Janet. You're wealthy, the most desirable woman on the planet (next to Halle, and we KNOW she got issues). She is NOT suppose to have problems!!

No one is exempt from problems.

It's how we get through them... that's what's key.

A mini-food for thought for your weekend.

Whelp! That is all for freestyles. Ya'll have a GREAT weekend!!!

And that's an order!