The Plant and the Great Realization...

Here's a picture of a plant that I keep at work. I'm not sure what kind it is, but it sits high on a cabinet to the left of my desk.

One of my bootleg "work-for-free" editors, Ol' Mean Ass Cynthia, a coworker who reads all the little things I write, was messing with it one day, and made the following comment...

"Lee, this plant is really growing all of a sudden."

"Uh, yeah."

"It means that love is about to bloom."

*LadyLee kicks the hard eyeroll and feels a bout of nausea coming on*

That sounds peculiar, don't it? Maybe because you don't know the story behind that plant. I got that plant from "Oldboy", the ex-husband, (when we were still married, yet separated) for our wedding anniversary, back in 2002 or 2003, I believe. He knows I like plants, but can't really have them around because of the cat. But he bought one anyway.

It was September 2002 or 2003, I forget which year, but it was the first year of Am.eric.an Id.ol, the night of the finale between K.el.ly Clar.ksto.n and Ju.sti.n G.ua.rin.i. I remember that I wanted to go home that night and watch the finale, rather than hook up with him and celebrate our Wedding Anniversary. I mean, how do you celebrate your wedding anniversary when you are separated? What kind of sh** is that???

Nevertheless, I decided to humor him. I'd been dodging him. He was having a rough time and had just been evicted from his apartment. I'd reluctantly (VERY reluctantly) muttered something about he could come stay with me if he wanted to, but he declined. (I want to prove to you that I can take care of myself). **HUGE crickets** *Lee breathing long sigh of relief, as Lee wanted to be ALONE*. But anyway, he was having a very hard time, and just wanted some semblance of normalcy, I suppose. So he planned to take me out to dinner, etc. I went along with it, reluctantly.

I remember driving up, and him jumping out of a cab (he didn't have a car), with a big ass plant. There were four different types of plants in the one pot (now there are only two). I wasn't carrying it into the restaurant- I sat in the back seat of my car, and we went in to eat.

I don't remember much about dinner... only that he was acting like we were still together or something. Telling me how much he loved me, etc.... I just sat there and smiled, not really saying much of anything.

Realizing for real... that I didn't have the same feelings.

He was staying at a hotel at the time. He asked if I could drop him back off there, and I said yes. Plus, I had another plan. The Oldgirl was going to watch the tail end of Am.er.ic.an I.do.l.

And I was also going to get some "d" if possible.

(Yeah, you KNOW I was thinking about that.)

LOL!

I laid across the bed, watching television, while he sat at a desk, writing something. I mean, he was concentrating pretty hard. I didn't bother him.

He said he had to be at work around 10 o'clock that night. It was a little after nine, I believe... So my plans of getting some loving were waning by the minute.

I realized for real while laying there... I really didn't care.

When the show went off, I decided that it was time for me to go. He looked a bit disappointed. But hell, he'd been sitting at the desk writing. And he had to go to work in the hotel. Too bad. I was way the hell up in Marietta, and I had a loooong drive back to the Southside. I was leaving.

He walked me to the elevator, and we kissed for a few minutes. Anyone who would have walked out into the hall would have thought that we some newlyweds or something, standing up there against the wall next to the bay of elevators kissing like that.

I must say that I did enjoy all that... but I realized something for real in that hallway:

I wasn't in love with anymore.

He shoved a card in my hand. I don't think I ever remember him looking so sad and upset. I left and went to my car and opened the card. It was a fancy looking thing, with "For My Wife" splayed across the front in gold cursive. He'd written a long note about how wonderful he thought I was and how much he loved me. It was beautifully written. I realized that that was what he was working on at the desk.

The drive home was about 30 minutes. The whole time, I was thinking...

How do I tell him that there is no chance of us getting back together again? How do I tell him that I don't love him?

I decided to let the ish ride. I was happy. Had a nice place, a good job, and was doing well. He was dead weight. Everytime we talked he was wailing about his problems. It really depressed me, and I didn't like that feeling. It's bad when you realize such a thing, you know. But it was what it was.

Was I being selfish? Probably so.

So I couldn't keep the plant at home. (The cats would have destroyed it!). I placed it in a big bag, and lugged it on the train, and took it to work the next morning.

And now it sits atop my cabinet. We stare at it curiously because it is still alive and growing strong...

Too bad I couldn't say the same thing for my marriage.