Wednesday, May 20, 2009

My Deepest Apologies... and Most Hearty Congratulations

*LadyLee dries crocodile tears, picks up pen and pad, and painstakingly scratches out a letter*


Dear Crystal...

Dearest Bride-to-be!



*LadyLee leaning against fence wailing hard like Celie wailed when Mister kicked Nettie off his property*

You are one of my favorite chemists in the whole wide world.

Always come to work sharp!




Cuz' you going straight to the nearest Happy Hour after work!

Always kicking the phat high heel boots!



Cuz' you got it like that, Ma!

(Plus, you don't have to change from your work shoes to your stripper heels for your night job... Just wear them to work!!)

My dearest Crystal!

You scratch out my head when I was ailing!

In other words, you was always there when I needed to vent, when management was being some bustas...

And yet...

And yet...

AND YET...

I COMPLETELY MISSED YOUR BRIDAL SHOWER!

*LadyLee screeches and falls prostrate on the hard concrete*

Oh Crystal!!!

I am so sorry!!

I did not forget. Just mucked up the day.

I thought it was on Sunday and not on Saturday. I'd laid out my clothes and everything. Even yelled at my lil' sister Kentucky to make sure she was around on Sunday morning to paint my toes so I could wear my cute sandals!

I missed your shower.

Woe. is. meeeeeeee!!!!!

You know girl, I was peeking around corners Tuesday morning as I walked the halls. I just knew you were gonna bust me in the head with some chemistry glassware and tackle me to the ground. I was braced at every turn!!

But I didn't run into you...

A beat down avoided for yet another day.

I think you know I messed up.

I messed up bad.

(Ask Cowgirl Cre. She called me while she was on her way to your shower. I argued her down that she had the wrong day. I. was. wrong!!!!)

But, I will be at the shower ya'll having tomorrow at the workplace.

I will be there, the first one there.

Congratulations to you and Rudy, who look like he wanna be rapper T.I.

LOL!!!!

I'ma need him to put on his chinchilla coat (the one he's wearing in the pic on your desk) and sing "You can have whatever you liiiiikkkkkke" at the wedding reception!

LOL

On the real, my girl...

I remember that long talk we had in the sample prep room, when you were grinding up your cheese samples in the meat grinder... I had the *gas face* because you begged me to come sit in the room with you while you worked in there ("Leave me alone, Crystal!!!" I'd yelled). And we had a very long talk about a recent break-up you had, and your determination to find someone who loved you for you...

I sat at the steel table, listening to you over that stupid meat grinder... Just nodding and listening as you talked it out.

I was happy to see a woman stick to her standards...

That is rare these days.

But I heard the determination in your voice. I knew you meant what you said. I will always remember that day. Always.

Some of the most memorable conversations are held in the strangest places.

You were gonna wait on your Prince...

And now you've found him.

Glad you found Prince Rudy!



Good for you, Princess Crystal! Good for you!

And this time, I promise I won't forget the wedding date: May 30th, 6 pm sharp...

I will be sure to sit at the end of the pew and throw rice at you, straight in the face, as you walk to the altar!!!

LOL!!

Congratulations Crystal and Rudy... All the best to you!

Forever and ever.

Your friend, LadyLee.

10 comments:

  1. LOL! You are too much!

    Well this post is a lovely lovely peace offering and apology! Just make sure you make it to the work shower...ON TIME! ;)

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  2. Congrats Crystal! I'm sure Ladylee will start on your baby blanket ASAP.. Get to work. LOL

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  3. I'm assuming your gift is going to FABULOUS!

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  4. How'd you know I was thinking about you today? Too funny to hear from you! Thanks for the nice note on my blog.

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  5. @LoveBABZ!... She seem to forgive me for not making it. I made an appearance at the shower and won some margarita glasses in a game. OH JOY!!!

    @Chele...I didn't get her anything. We've been talking back and forth about a Wendy's gift certificate or a Kroger grocery store gift card. Negotiations are still ongoing, lol...

    @Serenity...Crystal has a "baby" about to graduate from college. She will slap me silly if I roll up on her with a baby blanket. LOL!!

    @That Botanical Chick, Carleen...I'm thinking of you too, Botanical chick...

    AND I AM ALSO THINKING OF HOW I'M GONNA BUST THE DOORS OF BORDERS BOOKSTORE WIDE OPEN THE DAY YOUR BOOK IS RELEASED AND GIT MY COPY!!

    Really though.

    You need to release a book a month.

    One of your grocery lists, to-do lists... anything will do just fine! Just put something else out! Quickly!!

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  6. Ya know...I like her shoes. That doesn't make me gay does it? - No? Okay.

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  7. @Terry... Chalk it up to a shoe fetish, babes!

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  8. Did somebody say TI?! **looking around**

    Congrats to the beautiful couple! And there's no way she has a child graduating from college!

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  9. lmao@gal. i'm with u. WHERE HE AT?!?

    happy wedding to the couple and all that. :)

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  10. You so funny. Congrats to the beautiful couple!

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Slap the *crickets* out the way, kindly step up to the mike, and SAY something!!