Friday, May 22, 2009

Of Faceoffs and Ice

I bought a pair of new headphones last weekend.

I go through earbuds like nobody's bizness, so I had to get them. They aren't expensive, only about 20 bucks, but bass vibrates them something terrible, to the point where I get paranoid and think someone is stomping the floors.

It makes me spin around to see if anyone's there behind me.

Sort of reminded me of my ways when I smoked a bit too much bud.

Anyway, the other day, I was sitting at the dining room table, and I heard what I thought were shrill whines coming from the headphones. I thought to myself "I gotta get back to the earbuds."
I turned around as usual, out of reflex.

And the shrill noises turned out to be angry cat wails.

They were having a faceoff on the beams above my living room.

Now, I know they like to fight. Sometimes it is play-play, sometimes they are for real... But NEVER have I seen them up on the beams going at it. It was as if Oscar-Tyrone had him boxed Kramer in or something.
I snatched off my earphones.

"Hey!!!" I yelled

They stopped wailing and hollering. They peered down at me.

"Ya'll need to CHILL OUT!" I yelled. I put my headphones back on.

They started hollering down again.

I threw a piece of ice from my cup at them. They watched it sail between them and hit the stairs. They looked back at me like I was crazy.

I stood up from my chair. "Let me tell ya'll suckas something. Don't nobody go to the doctor up in this house 'cept me."

They continued to stare, careful not to blink.

"Ya'll don't have jobs, so that means you don't go to the doctors!"

Oscar-Tyrone should know this. He hasn't been to the vet since 1998.

And Kramer... well, Kramer is a permanent houseguest. So you know what that means...I would take him on out on the porch and drop kick him straight down to his Granddady Hen-dog's house, just a few houses down the street.

"That means," I continued, "that if ya'll fall and ya'll hurt yourself, ya'll gonna have to work it out and walk it off!"

I scooped another piece of ice from my cup and got ready to throw it.

"If you fall down and break your leg, we'll just go get some sticks from outside and make ya'll some bootleg crutches."

They didn't move. Even looked like they were about to fight again.

I hurled the ice.

They stared down at me again... then walked off the beams in a most orderly fashion.
I think they knew I meant business.

Funny what a little yelling...

...AND a couple of carefully hurled cubes of ice will do!


Bet they'll think twice before they pull that little stunt again!

Ya'll have a great holiday weekend... on purpose.


  1. lmao@"drop kick him straight down to his granddady..." poor kramer...gets NO love.

  2. @Nikki...Kramer is clumsy as hell. He can't even walk or run in straight line. I have no idea why he let himself get trapped on the beam like that.

    One of them has fallen before. There's a long sratch on the side of the beam. So they know what's up. One of them knows what it's like to work it out and walk it off, lol.

    Kramer has no vet priviledges. I will put him in a box and walk his clumsy tail right down the street to his family. NO LOVE indeed!

  3. LMFAO!!!! I can just picture this whole scene going down. Those pics are priceless, lol

  4. I thought cats landed on all 4s.

    Now I go through earbuds b/c I get mine from the Dollar Tree. The pair I got now came with my blackberry and they are some pretty good earbuds. These may last.

  5. Me and the homegirls got a huge kick out of this!!! This was job, no doctor...classic!

  6. @The Infamous LA!... Girl, they freaked me out with all that hollering. They were cussin' each other out, kitty style!

    They run around chasing each other from time to time, and it sounds like GROWN folk running up and down the stairs. That's cool. We are use to that. But they need to kill the acrobatic beam tricks. That ish is dangerous!

    @That Southern Black Gal...Yeah, they land on all 4s. But uh, when they get to scrapping real good and fur gets to flying, ain't nobody thinking about landing on all 4s...

    That ish is cool on the floor, but NOT up high in the air like that...

    Earbuds from dollar tree? They must sound like CRAP!

    I paid 25 bucks for some and they STILL tore up on me. I guess I have to stick with headphones. I want some of those 300 dollar BOSE noise reducing ones. Bet those will last FOREVER. (They better for that price.)

    @Aretha... My last cat Jeremy had a 735 bucks vet bill. And they couldn't even tell me what was wrong with him. They even had that joker hooked up to a IV drip. Told them to unhook him so I could take him home.

    And he died a couple of months later. UGH!!

    They have one good time to go to the doc... that's it. Falling off the beam does not constitute that...

    It is funny now looking back... but no telling WHAT they do up on the beams when no one is home. I hope not to come home and find 2 crippled cats on the living room floor!

  7. Funn-T!!!!!!!! Damn cats taking over the world.

  8. LOL. Too funny! I loved this story!

  9. Anonymous11:32:00 AM

    See, this is why we do not have any pets! I beleive these kids will simply have to wait until they are grown with their own place to have some!


  10. "They were cussin' each other out, kitty style!"

    That's so true!

  11. This is too funny..I love how they are looking down at you like, "what are you talking about, we just hanging out..ain't nobody fussing up here..jeez, we getting down alright, already!" They are too cute!


Slap the *crickets* out the way, kindly step up to the mike, and SAY something!!