I go through earbuds like nobody's bizness, so I had to get them. They aren't expensive, only about 20 bucks, but bass vibrates them something terrible, to the point where I get paranoid and think someone is stomping the floors.
It makes me spin around to see if anyone's there behind me.
Sort of reminded me of my ways when I smoked a bit too much bud.
Anyway, the other day, I was sitting at the dining room table, and I heard what I thought were shrill whines coming from the headphones. I thought to myself "I gotta get back to the earbuds."
I turned around as usual, out of reflex.
And the shrill noises turned out to be angry cat wails.
They were having a faceoff on the beams above my living room.
Now, I know they like to fight. Sometimes it is play-play, sometimes they are for real... But NEVER have I seen them up on the beams going at it. It was as if Oscar-Tyrone had him boxed Kramer in or something.
I snatched off my earphones.
"Hey!!!" I yelled
They stopped wailing and hollering. They peered down at me.
They started hollering down again.
I threw a piece of ice from my cup at them. They watched it sail between them and hit the stairs. They looked back at me like I was crazy.
I stood up from my chair. "Let me tell ya'll suckas something. Don't nobody go to the doctor up in this house 'cept me."
They continued to stare, careful not to blink.
"Ya'll don't have jobs, so that means you don't go to the doctors!"
Oscar-Tyrone should know this. He hasn't been to the vet since 1998.
And Kramer... well, Kramer is a permanent houseguest. So you know what that means...I would take him on out on the porch and drop kick him straight down to his Granddady Hen-dog's house, just a few houses down the street.
"That means," I continued, "that if ya'll fall and ya'll hurt yourself, ya'll gonna have to work it out and walk it off!"
I scooped another piece of ice from my cup and got ready to throw it.
"If you fall down and break your leg, we'll just go get some sticks from outside and make ya'll some bootleg crutches."
They didn't move. Even looked like they were about to fight again.
I hurled the ice.
They stared down at me again... then walked off the beams in a most orderly fashion.
I think they knew I meant business.
Funny what a little yelling...
...AND a couple of carefully hurled cubes of ice will do!
Bet they'll think twice before they pull that little stunt again!
Ya'll have a great holiday weekend... on purpose.