Kentucky Funnies

Like I said in a previous post...

My sister "Kentucky" cracks me up.

That is not her real name. She has a very unique name that no one else in the whole world has. One of them ethnic names. Related to kentucky, but not quite. So I call her Kentucky for blog.

And she is funny.

So here are a few of her funny stories that have cracked me up lately.

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*us talking on the phone the other day. She calls me "Lisa" (family nickname)*

"Lisa, this little girl today was a trip."
"What she do?" I asked.
"She hawked up some spit, and spit on a teacher."
"What?!?"
"Sure did," my sister said. "Spit on a teacher, I couldn't believe it."
"What the teacher do?"
"Well I was watching this. I told the little girl it was wrong, and you not suppose to do that."
"She must've seen somebody else do that," I said. "She just four. Something going on at home."

[That is ALWAYS my first thought when something goes down. Somethings going on at home!]

"I don't know, but I told her, she was wrong. And if I had a belt, I would spank her. And this other little boy in the class hollered 'I got a belt, Ms. Kentucky! I got a belt!'"

*little boy struggling to take his belt off*

"I told him," my sister said, "I told him, Yeah, take it off, and when you do, I'ma give you a couple licks too."

*little boy frowning hard, quickly fastening his belt back up*

*Lee laughing hard* "No you didn't say that, girl! No you didn't!"
"Yes I did, girl," my sister said. "He'd been bad all day. I was gonna whoop her and whoop him too!"

LOL

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My sister left a comment the other day on my "bath salts" chemistry post. This is odd. She lurks but never comments. I called her up.

"I see you left a comment gal!"
"Lisa, I'm so glad you explained that bath salt thing. I had got mad about it."
"Why?"
"Because," she said "I was like 'Doggonit, now I have to show some ID and fill out a form to get some Calgon! I just wanna take a bath! Now I gotta fill out papers!"

*lee laughing hard*

"No, no," I said. "They just calling it that. And it's different from Calgon."
"First the nutmeg, not the bath salts. What's wrong with white people? Why they gotta put stuff up their nose like that?"

*lee laughing real hard*

"I don't get it, Lisa. You know it's not 'us'. You KNOW this. They need to get out here and do something productive, and get a job or something. Why would you stick stuff up you nose like that?"

Man, she was hot over the whole bath salts issue. She STILL mad over that. I just laugh at her! LOL

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Kentucky always calls me with strange names of kids at school.

"Lisa, I got a name for you."
"Yeah, what is it?"
She spells out the name. "C-E-N-O-T."
I ponder this for a minute. "Ceeeeeenot," I say. "Ceeeeeeeenot."
"No," my sister said. "It's pronounced 'SNOT'".
"What???"
"Snot!" she hollers. "It's pronounced Snot!"

*lee laughing XTRA hard*

"And ya'll call the girl that?"
"Yeah, that's her name."
"Snot!" I yell. "Come here, Snot!"

(Uh... I've officially heard it ALL. That is worse than a student of hers named "Notorious")

That's it for Kentucky funnies... Hope it brought a smile to your day.