Saturday, February 19, 2011

Thoughts on Purpose, Part III

I suppose I will continue on with my thoughts on this important idea of


Parts I and II dealt with different ideas of what purpose was, one part being more definitive in nature, and the other getting into specifics of a woman's purpose.

It was really interesting to hear about a woman's purpose from an African Woman's point of view. On top of that, Pastor Sarah is a widow. She is a single woman, basically. Her husband, who was head of the church passed a few years ago, and well, she had to pick of the reins and move forward. So of course, the message was more detailed than what I posted, as she went into her feelings as a woman concerning this, some of the desperate things she'd done in face of it all (relationship-wise), and getting through that.

But at the core of it all, the message was centered on a woman's purpose. I got the idea that African women had more pride in embracing the purpose of taking care of and nurturing their family. Moreso than American women. I know a few times, Pastor Sarah would say, "Oh my, I need to move on to something else because you don't like what I'm saying."

Much of it was tiring. We American women are career-minded. Nothing wrong with that. I myself have been career minded, of course.

But I learned something from her message:

I, as a woman, am a problem solver.

I, as a woman, am a helper.

I, as a woman, give others the advantage.

I, as a woman, aid, encouragement, and comfort.

That's who I am. No matter whether single or married, housewife or career woman, sister, mother, friend... That's who I am.

And that's why I see so much of what was said in all of you. That's who you are too. Whether joyous or weary in your daily dealings, that's who you are. That's what God put inside of you.

I rather think of myself in terms of what I just wrote above, rather than think of myself in terms of how media and society views me as a black woman. Society says I am angry and argumentative. I can't get along with other black women. My black men will rather have a white woman than deal with me. And then there's those news reports that pop up on the regular to make sure I as a black woman know that I have to compete for a black man, and that I am desperate, lonely and upset because I am single.

Wow. I rather confess the positive over myself, see myself as God sees me.

I prefer to look at other black women and see the positive in them.

One of my favorite people as of late is someone I call my "Play Mama". Her name is Adrienne. I found her on twitter. She's a real nice chick, but I noticed something interesting about her.

She takes so much pride in being a housewife... a wife and mother. She just loves, loves, loves, it. She talks about it. She goes to sleep thinking about her family. She wakes up thinking about her family. She just adores her family. She lives to make them happy.

Adrienne left a comment on part I of this series:

"Walking in one's purpose should be sweatless, and bring a sense of peace, joy or delight, and a sense of accomplishment. <------ THIS is how I know daily that I'm walking in my purpose!!! It may just be my purpose for right now...who knows how that will change down the line, but I have NO doubts that what I'm doing now is what I'm SUPPOSED to be doing."

This confused me. Like, it goes in my brain, and I have to process it before I accept it. You rarely see a sister like this. And heck man, I didn't grow up like this. I KNEW I was nothing but a burden to my mother. I can't say there was a real bond between myself and my mother. My goal all my life was to stay out of the way, and make sure I kept any and all of my business from her.

Mother took care of me, as was required by law. That's as far as that goes.

She did the best she could. And to hear this woman, Ms. Adrienne, just express so much joy in motherhood and being a wife, it caused me to holler "Adopt me, please!" So hence born the "play Mama" status. And she embraces her new role. She nurtures me more than my own Mama has ever thought to.

My sister, who's going through her own brand of mess right now with our Mama, has to hear me holler "My Mama live over in Alabama. *lee pointing in direction of Bama* She don't give me all these problems!! Ain't got time for a bunch of foolishness!"

I know Adrienne said something the other day that made me stop and ponder. She had friends who chided her for being a housewife. Oh, I know that had to be painful. Here you are, doing your best to be a good wife and mother, and your girls, who I would think are career women, are hating on you. Proves something that I know to be true concerning purpose:

When you are walking in and living out your purpose, there will be naysayers all around you attempting to talk you out of your purpose.

You know it's true. You have some burning desire in your heart, some dream, and you start walking in it... and there are jokers around you tripping. It hurts you, even makes you second guess yourself. You know the solution. Adrienne knew the solution. You have to drop those folks.

Listen. I had to learn something, and I don't know when I learned this. Maybe around the age of 30. It got VERY strong when I turned 40, and is one of the foundations of my life: I am quick to rid myself of any folks who are negative in my life. I mean, people who are highly critical and judgmental of what I do, to the point of bringing me down. You gots to go. You're not being a blessing to me. You're not encouraging, uplifting, edifying, constructively criticizing, cheering me on. You're a hindrance. You are of no use to me. Go away. And hence, another thing I've learned about this thing called purpose

People who downgrade people walking in their purpose usually do so because they are not busy walking in their own purpose. As a matter of fact, they may not even know their purpose.

Because come on... if you are busy with your own purpose, you have respect for the another's purpose. And you're so busy focusing on your own thing, that you don't have time to be hating on another.

Yeah, it's a jealousy thing. Jealousy is an ugly word, but it is what it is.

And it's fine to drop these suckers. I call them suckers because that's what they are: they suck the life out of you. They stress you out. They drain you. They have you laying in bed at night, alone with your thoughts, and thinking: "Am I doing the right thing?"

What an awful thought. A seed planted by the sucker. Get rid of the sucker. I have to get rid of the riff-raff. I may not be able to rid myself of them physically, but I can keep them from renting space in my mind. Why get rid of them? Because I have to make room for something better

When you decide to walk in and pursue your purpose in life, God sends people into your life to support you.

Because it's the truth with me.

And if you look around, it's true with you, too.

To be continued.


  1. As we say on Twitter THIS! LOL.

    The statement "When you decide to walk in and pursue your purpose in life, God sends people into your life to support you" is sooooo very true!

    He also takes away those people who don't belong in your walk of purpose. The trouble happens when we try to keep folks in our lives that aren't meant to be.

  2. *tears spill in new cup of coffee*
    It IS hard when family and supposed to be friends talk down to you for being a SAHM. You would think that they will be the ones pulling for you because you are taking care of your family. WRONG. I have gone to bed MANY nights crying and ready to go back to work so I could be taken seriously. I HAVE gone back to work only to end up back home. Either the job ended or a change in management happened and I was no longer able to keep a schedule that allowed me to pick my children up from school.

    I've said before that I don't have a career goal. I just don't. I used to feel super bad about it, esp when my "girls" are in these high power positions. I have kept that statement to myself for a LONG time. Now I have NO problem saying it. WHY? Because IN MY MIND, there is NO greater power position than being a wife and mother. Not in my life.

    When my kids get older who's to say WHAT I will do. I don't know. I'm not even worrying about that right now. God has blessed Tony to be able to take care of us and for us to live very well without me working and I accept that lol.

    Why get rid of them? Because I have to make room for something better.<----I am learning this RIGHT NOW. Tony and I have made a huge lifestyle change and that change doesn't line up with some of the things our friends are doing so we are having to "love them from a distance" I thought it was going to be hard but for every person that we are not close to anymore, I promise God has brought someone else that is going the same way we are.

    @ MzInspiredMind81 He also takes away those people who don't belong in your walk of purpose. The trouble happens when we try to keep folks in our lives that aren't meant to be.<----- TRUTH!!!! You mess up BIG time and end up with heartache you didn't even need or have to have when we go against what God is trying to do.

    Ok, I'm done blogging in the comments. Maybe I need to update my own blog? LOL

    I promise you have been the best thing twitter has ever introduced me to lol. Even better than shoes on sale :) lol

  3. Anonymous8:55:00 PM


    I have been reading you and Adrienne's blogs for several years. Y'all are making me cry!

    I admire both of you.

    Thank you for writing this series on purpose.


  4. Well said :D --It has been interesting the folks that I have had to carve away...good people...nice people...but not lifting ME up.

  5. I did post dedicated to Adrienne and Dana, my two fave SAHMs. If were married and able, I would totally be a SAHM. I would love to be that but I can't. I hate when people knock them for "living their purpose" and doing what brings them joy. No one knocks me for working full-time and being a single mother (well, they do but I don't care). I say leave them be and let me continue to bring joy, light and hope to the rest of us. How about we shout out women in general and stop categorizing us.

  6. Anonymous2:27:00 PM

    Just wanted to thank you for your thoughts on purpose, has definitely been an eye opener for me. I am a dedicated lurker, LOL but thought I would come out of the wood works for the drawing for the workbook and I would turn down your cookies either. LOL Enjoy your vacation and keep up the good work!



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