If I Were You... But I Am Not You

I saw something else pretty interesting about myself written on these here internets...

And this one is from one of my favorite chickens... S23... from her post, Thoughts to ponder . I think she had to list people she admired and why...

Alesia - She has the ability to always listen to people and not really give them answers, but ask the important questions so they can discover their own answers.

Yes chicken... I tend to do that. And stop using my government name. Please and thank you.

LOL

Yes, she has me pegged. Don't know whether it's a good habit or a bad habit.

All I know is that it is MY habit. And it works for me.

One thing that I REALLY hate is when people say, "Girrrrl, if I was you, I would..."

If I was you...

Hmm... But I'm not you.

And I know people who specialize in this. They ALWAYS got something to say about what someone is doing.

"Girl, if I were you, I wouldn't put up with that mess."

"Girl, if I were you, I would tell him off."

"Girl, if I were you, I would leave that sucka."

And it goes on and on.

I tend to stay away from such people.

If I were you.

But I am not you...

And them the type of suckas that go talk about you like a dog behind your back... tell ALL your bizness. LAWD.

And it all screeches to a halt back to something I posted a few weeks ago.

We have a tendency to look at our lives through rose colored glasses, yet we are quick to look at other's lives under a magnifying glass.

Couple that up with...

We are so interested in the lives of others, yet we don't have a grip on what's going on in our own lives.

Come with me, as we smash all that together with a bible verse, that, when I first read it, had me all O_O.

Every time you criticize someone, you condemn yourself. It takes one to know one. Judgmental criticism of others is a well-known way of escaping detection in your own crimes and misdemeanors. But God isn't so easily diverted. He sees right through all such smoke screens and holds you to what you've done. Well, I just don't want to be that type of person.

That is from Romans 2, those first couple of verses, in the Message version of the Bible.

Hmm... sit down, have a sandwich, and think about that.

You know, this is how your Friendly neighborhood Oldgirl is... I am interested in your well being. I'm interested in your peace of mind. Anything and everything I have to say will come from that direction.

And if you have dealt with me over any period of time, and we have discussed anything... you know I ask a TON of questions. I will send you a list if I have to. Heck man, you ain't gotta tell me jack. Take yourself somewhere and journal your thoughts. That will work.

You know why? Because sometimes you just have to hear yourself talk. Most time you know the answers, and what you gotta do. But you trying to make it fit in a box... that silly box that contains what you think others think you should be doing, how you gonna look in front of others if you do XYZ, all kinds of people approval type of issures...

Mix that in with our outright inherent selfishness...

We are trying to make it all "fit". I can usually hear it in your voice and your words.

That's because I have heard similar nuances in my own voice and words. Many times.

And the more you talk, the more likely you will catch yourself, and know what's really going on.

Alas, I ask questions. Kind of like a lawyer do. Never judging, never setting you up. Sure, I know what I would do in your situation.

If I were you...

But I am not you.

We both grew up differently. We both have opinions and beliefs that are deeply rooted. We have different experiences, different sets of emotional baggage. We are different. I have a DEEP respect for that.

And as a result, you will never hear me say "If I were you, I would do..."

That just doesn't rest well with me.

Now, while you are talking, I am thinking back to when I went through something similar. All the crying and acting out I did. All the hesitations and fears. All my apathy. All that cussing suckas out. And if I relay my experiences, it is through that window, and only in a positive vein. And these days, it is more in a spiritual light.

Now you can take the info and do what you want to do with it. May or may not be useful. But I said what I had to say. But you did 90% of the talking.

That doggone Serenity. I think she and I have had fights surrounding, "Lee, you will give me your opinion on this!!" And my baby sister Kentucky, when she lived with me, was real good for sitting at the foot of my bed until she gets the answers she need.

Too funny.

And it is almost like pulling a cat's tail. It can be dangerous. And I usually know who I am dealing with if I have anything to say.

You see, I don't ever validate your behavior. Some people just want you to validate their messes.

NOT I.

Go talk to someone else. Please and thank you.

And I pick up on that when I ask questions. And listen to what you are saying. I know what I'm dealing with when I shut up and listen.

I learned something interesting from that Oldgirl LoveBabz. She is one of the wisest bloggers out there. She been in prison, i.e., I can sit at her feet and learn from her, man. She has a set of experiences out of this world and still stands strong.

She is always writing about how she "discerns" a situation.

That's a hard word, this "discern". Yet it is a much softer one than the word "judgment".

I heard something interesting in a sermon a few months ago concerning those two related words.

Judgment relates to looking at a situation, especially something someone else is going through ,something difficult, and giving advice that tares them down, and seeks to bring about destruction to their character and life. It seems to always have some negative connotation.

However Discernment is different. It refers to looking at a sitiuation, especially in the area of someone going through something difficult, and giving advice that brings back restoration, peace of mind, and a sense of well being. This word has more of a positive connotation.

So what I strive for is to discernment. I like to look at what's really on your mind. And I can't do that unless you are talking...

Out of the heart, the mouth speaks...

That ties back to Proverbs 4:23

Keep your heart with all diligence, because out of it flows the issues of life.

The issues of life. You talk long enough, you will hear your own issues. No need for me to point those out to you. They become very apparent the more we speak...

You talk long enough, and we will both hear the fear laying out on the fringe of your words. You talk long enough and we both hear the ray of hope shining through your words. And you talk long enough, you will hear what I hear within my ownself and in others many times: you are so afraid that what you are feeling right now at this moment is the way you will feel forever. And honey? That is not true. It never is.

Life... it ebbs and flows. It has peaks and valleys. And it will be alright.

No, I am not you.

I am me.

And that is fine.

As long as I can be helpful, and not hurtful... by asking the important questions that get to the heart of the matter...

Well, that is all that matters.