Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Massive, Part II

Click here for Massive, Part I...

My sister said some interesting words that really didn't register with me...

"Ma wants you to call her. She's having a problem and needs to talk to you."
Actually it illicited the scooby doo "Hunh??"

Kentucky went on to explain to me that Ma was having kidney problems and needed to talk to me about them. I suppose my sister had told her that I had kidney disease due to the lupus, and that I may be able to help her understand her own kidney issues related to her diabetes.

Okay. That makes sense.

Still... I thought it was odd that she reached out to me. We don't talk. I think I've talked to her a total of 3 times this year. And that is stretching it.

But she knows that I try to work with Grandma and help her with some of her medical things. Just doing the little things I can do, like take her to her doctor appointments and talk to the doctor about what is going on.

"Yeah, I'll give her a call."

And you know... my just agreeing to do that had me a little... O_o.  That's not like me. There is usually some looooonnnnng drawn out pre-conversation about our interacting, where somebody has to get my mind straight beforehand.

The reason for that is because I am just purely apprehensive. There is always some major fallout behind us being around each other. I have to REALLY watch what I say and do and any events. I end up getting in trouble for something. It's always an adventure to see what it is this time, and how much embellishment is involved. Honestly, it has been a burden off my back that we no longer have family gatherings and what-not. It use to REALLY stress me out.

I do admit that I miss the feeling of "family". But I don't miss the stress.

And I don't particularly blame her for the way she is. Everybody has their defensive mechanisms and ways of dealing in general. That's all good.

Like I said in the last post: if I allow you to abuse me, it's my choice. I got a choice whether I deal with that or not. I choose not to.

Anyway, I called up my mother. I was still shocked within myself that I wasn't apprehensive. Heck, she needed some help, and you know me... I like being helpful.

I told her that Kentucky said to call her, and that she told me she was having kidney problems. I myself have kidney disease, but it is very very slight, barely detectable. We discussed what her doctor had told her. I looked up the specific problem she had on the internet and read some things to her that she could understand. She went and got her bloodwork paperwork, and I made her read it out to me, and I told her what certain things on there were important and what numbers to be mindful of. I told her that she's gonna have to consider leaving meat alone (at least the red meat), and REALLY amp up the fruit and vegetables. (I know ya'll think I lean toward vegetarianism to be trendy... uh no. I have reduced meat out by some 95% and my kidneys are churning right along nicely.Thank goodness for that).

I told her a couple of questions she needed to write down on a piece of paper, so she could ask her doctor about them. I am suppose to mail her some information. I may just throw it in her mailbox. Not sure. I still need to find some good reading material for her, that she would understand.

It was a 20 minute conversation.  Definitely not what I would consider massive. I don't think either of us are even thinking about no deep convo. She is the type to flip out if you say anything remotely against what she wants to hear, and uh... I counter that with my own brand of passive aggressiveness. And nobody wants to deal with any of that.

But it was what it was: a productive conversation. A positive conversation. I think I was helpful.  I think I set her mind at ease.

I like that. And I am thankful for that.

I don't know if it would lead to other things. Most likely not. And I'm not thinking about that anyway.

I was just glad to be helpful. I was happy that I wasn't apprehensive, or angry about the possibility of being angry. And for me, that means that I have grown... if only little.

I think much of my better attitude was due to the massive conversation I had with my reader.  It forced me to assess how I felt about everything, because honestly, I just don't think about it much anymore. But that conversation - that nonjudgmental and open conversation - stirred up my thoughts and allowed me to examine them. I found where I was improving, and where there was room for improvement. So much of this was already fresh on my mind.

And on this Thanksgiving, I am very thankful for that.

I have written a few posts over the years on forgiveness, and one that I wrote really resonated with me (click here to read that post). I always test myself to assess whether I have forgiven someone. Most notably, I have learned that if I'm not sitting around plotting on the person, sitting around angry, or constantly thinking about the situation, I'm all good. I rarely think about the best way to set someone's hair on fire, lol.  And I set my faith on that.

Whelp! You all have a Happy Thanksgiving.

If you are having chitlins, clean them NOW so that they will be ready on Thanksgiving!



  1. Now this is some food for thought on this day before Thanksgiving. Thank you for sharing. I've learned a lot reading your thoughts over the years. Still learning. :)

    Happy Thanksgiving!!

  2. unityfalls8:10:00 PM

    I always love your food for thoughts. Happy Thanksgiving.

  3. We got the same kind of momma stuff going on....these type of post really help me a lot and put things into perspective.

    I am glad the talk went well and was positive :)

  4. So glad it was a productive convo. That makes me happy :)

  5. Jennifer12:14:00 PM

    Happy belated Thanksgiving to you! Glad to hear you had a good day with your sis and a calm, grown-ass-woman convo with your mother :)


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