Food-for-Thought: Thoughts on the Tragedy

You know, there are days in your life where you remember where you were when something horrendous happens.

And I think Friday was one of those days for everyone in this country.

I myself had just finished a pretty happy blog post and posted it, then went to Huffi.ngton Post to see what the major headlines were. 

And I saw how 20 children had been murdered at an elementary school.

Just when I thought I'd seen some craziness when it comes to folks running up in somewhere and shooting, THIS happens.

I was shocked and horrified. It took me to go home at the end of the day and watch the actual news to actually believe what was going on had actually happened. Just horrifying.

How can one not be horrified such madness?

And madness it what it indeed is.

So here we go... and here we are. Everyone is trying to figure out what would make someone do such a thing. What was going on in the mind of the killer?

I don't think we will ever know.

My thing is this: I don't think no one even really cared what was going on with people prior to them doing unspeakable things. Did they? Frankly, it's too late to be asking such questions, but it is the right thing to do. It is the only thing, this explanation of what happened, that will give those most affected by it closure.

The most affected...

You know, all the cameras will probably be gone from that area in another week or so, especially after all the funerals have taken place and people get back to their work and are finding some semblance of normalcy again.

But things will never be normal again for those who lost children and family in this tragedy.

And it points back to a Food-for-thought that I posted here a couple of times. It still, unfortunately, rings true.

Not only is the tragedy immediately devastating, but the long term residual effects of it are devastating, even much so.

I tend to look at things spiritually. That's all I draw on, especially when it comes to this. And I won't get into my thoughts and beliefs on that. Lord knows I don't wanna ever be caught up in any debates.

But things like this are an attack on the very core or who we are and our mentality. The battlefield is the mind. Indeed.

You have a strange brew of issues here: mental illness, assault weapons, and an increasingly desensitized and violent society.

Tragedy comes out of such a concoction.

This has folks questioning their very faith and fears like never before.

And that was the point, wasn't it? Yes.

The tragedy is immediately devastating.  It affects the emotions like one can never imagine. We all have gone through something, some like this, some not as devestating. But we've had our personal tragedies.

And the tragedy is like a gaping wound.

The residual effects are like dealing with a gaping wound that is open to infection. And salt and alcohol is being poured into it. Constantly. Over long periods of time.

If that isn't pain and anguish, I don't know what is.

I can say this from experience. I was terribly bothered by this tragedy because I was a victim of attempted murder at the very same age as these kids are. 6 years old.

The ones that were killed, that is horrific. But the ones who actually saw what happened? And those in general who are pupils at the school? The residual affects on their little developing minds is something that can't be described.

And I tell you, a six-year-old mind is not able to take this type of thing. I know I wasn't.

And get this: no one even bothered to get me help for what I saw and went through. Life just picked up and went on like... nothing ever happened.

And to make things really O_o, a couple of years later, I was right in that age group that was a part of the ATL missing and murdered children. We were ALL worried about getting snatched. Walking around with special whistles and looking over our shoulders for the "man". Shoot!

And I had problems behind all of that. But I kept my feelings to myself. Because I thought no one even cared.

I am fully supportive of all I see right now in the aftermath, where the stress is on getting the children some counseling and help. FULLY support that and agree with it 100%. Because if they don't, that's a problem.

I am 42 years old now. Some 36 years after my tragic incident, I still have issues, and I still think about it. I am far past nightmares or anything like that. My stab wounds disappeared by the time I was out of my teen years. The man that hurt us said that he had mental issues. His daddy use to throw knives at him as a child. Not sure how that makes him see it as okay to stab people up, but whatever. I don't own any huge butcher knives, and can't stand it when people bring them out. And I don't deal with men who had similar mental issues as children. You wanna get rid of me quick, tell me something like that. I am ghost. I don't watch movies where folks are getting stabbed. No way.

I also don't go around domestically violent situations. You know what I'm talking about: folks looking like it's the happy family, but some mess is going on when no one is looking. People have the most INTERESTING secret lives (food for thought post coming up on that later this week. Sigh). And I don't do well AT ALL with people who expose their young kids to tomfoolery. AT ALL. They are children. They didn't ask to be born, and they didn't ask to be in the middle of your issues. Angers me something awful.

I am always aware of my surroundings, and I tend to sit near doors or where I can see doors or escape routes... just in case something suddenly happens. You would never know that unless you watch my behavior very closely.

And I think about it when I see my mother whose scars didn't heal- The large 4 inch keloid gash on her right jaw, and the long keloid on her abdomen.  The collar bone that juts out too far, resulting from being ran over twice by her own car. I remember all of that happening.

These are minor problems, I suppose, these memories and coping actions of mine. I am a successful, functioning human being in society. I wouldn't dream of hurting anyone emotionally, lett alone anyone physically. But when tragedies like this happens, it takes me back to my 6-year-old frightened and confused self. I remember laying in bed at that age thinking that no one cared, and that I MUST do better about being aware of who is around and what is going on around me. That is a must. Because if I didn't, I could easily be dead.

And a 6-year-old mind shouldn't be filled with such thoughts.

I can only imagine what's going on in the heads of the kids who didn't get hurt.

At least this is an affluent area. They WILL get their kids the crucial help they need. Believe that.

And that's a good thing.

I can't say much for the inner city kids, though. Chicago is approaching 500 murders this year. My city of ATL is approaching 100. I can remember incidences here, even near my home, where small children were murdered.

And I heard yesterday on the news that this tragedy is the 13th mass shooting of the year.

13th.

I am ashamed to say that I don't remember the other 12. Maybe the recent ones. But I don't remember any of the names and faces.

You see the IMMEDIATE attention the gun laws are given now. Why, someone is even introducing legislature during the next session of congress.  I'd like to see the NRA argue that down in light of 20 little innocent kids being murdered with military style weaponry. (And you know they are going to try to do it).

I wish some laws could be enacted concerning mental illness.  Because everything begins in the mind.

I hope and pray the families involved are healing... and those who need the mental help they need to heal are getting the help that they need.  Especially the children.