I am Thankful...Part III

Well, I've had other instances where friends haven't been judgemental about some messes that I've been caught up in...

There was an instance where I was fooling with 2 guys, and there was some threats of violence if one ever caught up with the other. One of thangs where they were both saying "Lee, don't point that n**** out in the streets, because I got my piece and I'ma do my best to kill 'em!" I thought this was some craziness, and I talked to another friend of mine, my Oldgirl Carter. This a chick I've known since I was 17, and have always looked at as my "sista-gurl", even though she is caucasian. I remember telling her that I didn't see what the raucous was about, and not understanding why they were acting like that. (Yeah, I was doing my "Can't we all just get along?" rants and wails. I was wondering why I wasn't being allowed to have my cake and eat it to). Well she quietly gave me a verbal chin check. She basically told me to make some choices, and what I was caught up in wasn't "healthy", and I could end up dead if I didn't cool out.

Funny... that really got to me and helped me to shape up. Right after our convo, I straightened up.

Funny... to this very day, I don't make changes in things that I am doing until I realize that those things are not "healthy." It isn't then until I make the change.

I never told her that her word "healthy" still has an affect on me to this very day.

And I have had one friend who cut me off because she didn't agree with something I was doing. And it was over something that wasn't "messy", so to speak. I was in a bad marriage and she thought I should just up and leave. Never mind that I lived in another state, was currently looking for another job, and not in a dangerous (abusive) situation. (I was making plans at the time.) She called me weak, and everything else under the sun, instead of being supportive. We didn't deal with each other anymore after that. Instead, I prayed alot, worked my original plans, and made headway in the situation. However, I am still sad over the lost of that friendship. But even if we did rekindle our friendship, I would've been sure not to talk to her about things going on with me.

And for me, that would have been some fakeness on my part.

I've come to the conclusion that if people can't support you through obvious phases, decisions, etc... then, you really don't need those people in your life in the first place.

So sitting in that book club meeting a few weeks ago... all of the situations I mentioned in this post and the last three posts flowed through my mind.

I know when I got home, I called LadyTee and made sure to tell her "Thank you" for sticking with me through all the crazy shenanigans I've been caught up in. I know she was thinking "Dang, what's wrong with Lee today?" but that's alright. I just felt like she needed to know that I appreciate her.

She said something that I thought was so true. She said we all go through phases. And she has always known me better than I know myself (which she prides herself on, LOL), and saw all of my messes as phases. So it was best just to be there to listen, and not judge.

She said even if I got caught up in some stuff now, she would listen and pray for me.

For that, I am thankful. Man, if we could all have friends that could pray over us, instead of turn their noses up at us, or gossip about our messes behind our backs... Dang, we would all be much better off. I am convinced that this would be a better place.

So on this Easter Sunday...

I am... Thankful. For many things.

Thankful the Jesus died on the cross for my sins, and rose on the Third day.

Thankful that the blood is still running warm through my veins and that I have a sound mind.

Thankful for the basics: food, clothing and shelter. There are people out there that don't have those things.

Thankful that I have purpose, and God has a plan for my life, and that He had a plan for my life and was thinking of me even before I was born...

So Thankful that God ALWAYS has thought of me enough to bring good friendships into my life. Some have been long term, and some have been for a purpose/reason and only for a season. I KNOW that none of my friendships are mere coincendences.

Do me (and yourself) a favor on this Easter Sunday...

Take time to stop and think of a few things you are thankful for.

Because we all have a reason to be...

Thankful.

I am Thankful... Part II

Click here for I am Thankful... Part I

LadyLee's Married Man Story (circa 1989), continued.

So I'm standing there at the front door, in awe, staring at this wonderful sight of a man standing before me, all dark chocolatety and muscular, gripping the doorjamb...

... thinking to myself "I'ma DO him!"

He said that he was in the neighborhood and was driving by, wondering if I still lived there. I would think that he knew that I did, as my T-bird was parked in the driveway. He was wondering if I would like to get together sometime and go out. He wanted to talk to me about something.

Now I remember standing there just staring at him, real close to salivating.

Never mind that I had a man. Heck, I'd just hung out with my man earlier that day.

Whatever!

I was gonna try and hook up with "Rocky J".

The problem was that me and "Rocky J" had history. I met him in 6th grade. He was the class clown, the one who stayed in trouble. We even went to high school together. We hooked up back when we were in high school, in the summer of 1985, before we went to the 11th grade. We would talk on the phone, and I liked him a lot. He came over one day during the summer, when I was home alone and we got busy. Never mind that I was involved with someone else ("TB") at the time. (I posted about "TB" in this post under the "LadyTee steps up defend my honor" heading. LadyTee is STILL pissed off about my situation with "TB" even though it is 2007. )

(By the way, what the heck was up with this cheating problem I had back then? I am starting to upset myself. Geez.)

Anyway that hot summer day back in 1985 was a milestone for me, a day I'd never forget. "Rocky J" was quite important, because he was the first person to... how could I say this lightly and delicately... help me understand that a man could have oral skills. Right now, I'm thinking back to that time, and I can't imagine how a 16-year-old boy could have such skills. I mean, I had no idea what he was doing at first, and then WHOOOOOAAA.

Goodness.

Yeah, we will leave it at that.

Now, I was so enlightened with him back in high school that I broke off with "TB", the guy I'd been seeing. I didn't know the proper way of breaking up with a person, so I was like "Uh, I like Rocky J... so um, I can't deal with you right now, ya understand?" (Imagine my sheer confusion after having to hear TB wail "How can you do this to me!? I care about you!)

Anyway, it was 1989, 4 years later, and Rocky J was standing at my front door, talking to me. I didn't hear much of what he was saying. All I gotta say is that it was a good thing that my mother was at home, or I would have dragged him into the house.

I gave him my phone number and we made plans to go out. After he left, my mama looked at me a little crazy, but she didn't bug me with too many questions. I went upstairs and called up LadyTee, and told her what happened.

Rocky J and I started going out. One of those times he told me that he was still married, but separated. He said that he didn't plan on getting a divorce or anything. He wanted to know how I felt about that.

Me? I wasn't asking him to do nothing like that. I didn't care. He married right out of high school, which I thought was stupid. All I was concerned about was getting my groove on. None of that was happening, and I was getting impatient. But we were digging each other, and enjoying each other's company. Plus, I had my own boyfriend to deal with. I was running around with Rocky J because I was curious about being with a married man.

LadyTee and I had a discussion about this. Her only advice was to be careful, because he was still married, and broads are crazy. She didn't want that broad to run up on me. I told her that it wasn't all that serious, and that we were just kicking it as friends, even though I wanted to get with him.

Well, Rocky J and I ended up going back to his place one night. He met me somewhere, and I followed him in my car back to his place. Once I walked in, I wasn't all that happy about that. First of all, I had no idea where I was, and I didn't tell anyone where I would be, as I was not expecting this. Second, he had all the windows in the house open. That was cool, since it was nice outside, but I didn't want that wife of his jumping through the window doing a Rambo on me. But I calmed down after awhile. We sat around and snuggled on the sofa. We talked and watched a movie.

And... uh, you know how that goes. One thing leads to another, and...

We ended up on the living room floor, wrapped in a sheet, getting busy.

I remember thinking, lying there, wrapped in a sheet with him on the floor, in the glow of the television...

"Dang, I just slept with a married man."

In all my naivite, I thought that I was going to be different, or the whole experience would make me different in a some way. But I wasn't. Everything was everything. I wasn't emotionally vested or anything, and I guess that was why I didn't feel any different than usual.

Well, Rocky J got all emotional on me. Wanted to lay up in the afterglow and talk. (I always thought that was a female thing. I've come across very few men who are "touchy-feely".) He talked to me about his issues with his ex-wife. I didn't want to hear about all that. But we'd been doing a lot of talking anyway, so I just let him talk.

Then he got over into how violent she was.

This... this revelation of violence caught my attention.

"Lee, she would come at me with sharp objects."

I'm laying there holding him, thinking... What the hell?

He got up and turned on the lamp. He was naked. I remember thinking "He sure has a nice body!"

He sat back down, and pointed to a bunch of keloided scars on his chest. He said his wife had ran up on him with a pair of scissors and tried to stab him. He fought off the attack, but he was cut up pretty bad. That's when he decided to get his own place.

I remember looking up at the open living room windows. The soft breezes were causing the curtains to flutter. It was a very nice moment. Or it least it could have been.

But I was imagining his wife jumping through the living room window at any moment, attacking us or something. I mean, whoever happen to be walking by while we were doing the deed probably got an eye full. I know they heard quite a few sounds. What if his wife had stopped by? Right then, any interest I had in him just went away instantly. Enough of the tender moments. I was glad I'd driven my own car. I quietly looked around for my clothes, looking for a way to casually get up off the floor, and get dressed so I could get the hell out of dodge.

"You're leaving already, LadyLee?"

The look on his face screamed "please don't go!" I felt terrible, but I was down for him.

"Uh yeah, I gotta go. I have some studying to do."

That was the end of that for me. I dodged his calls. I dodged him. He even stopped by my house one day. I didn't answer the door. I wanted nothing more to do with him.

Didn't want to get caught up. Man, I was much too young to deal with any drama that would come from that situation.

And besides... I knew in my heart that it wasn't right...

Now, LadyTee and I had had several discussions about all of this... I talked to her on the phone last night about this, because I didn't remember many of our discussions. I just know that we talked about it. She remembered it too.

One thing I do remember... She didn't dog me out over it, or turn her nose up at me. She didn't withdraw her friendship from me. I do remember her being mindful of me, keeping up with me, and checking up on me...

Last night, she told me (after a long pause to think about all the CRAZY stuff I've done in the past) in the 25+ years that we've been best friends, there hasn't been anything that I have done that would cause her to cut our friendship loose. Nothing at all.

And for that?

I am thankful...

to be continued.

I am Thankful... Part I

Okay, this is a strange post...

A two-parter, maybe a three-parter. But it is something that has been lurking on my mind for the past three weeks or so, every since I attended a book club meeting (not my regular book club meeting).

So, I'm giving you fair warning right now...

If you're the judgemental type, or if you are easily bothered by PG and above material, then stop reading. (I do plan on keeping this as clean as possible.)

Otherwise, stick with me... I am going somewhere with this.

So I went to the book club meeting of one of my book club sistas (she belongs to two book clubs) a few weeks ago. We read a book by a local author. I had fun and all, and although I ain't that big on erotica, I enjoyed the book, I enjoyed the author's presence at the meeting. I was glad I read the book, because it had a theme that seems to be the common theme of most of my writing. So that was a good thing.

But there was one question during the discussion that disturbed me terribly, so much to the point that I went home and called LadyTee and talked with her about it.

Someone asked this question, something to the effect of:

If you had a friend that was involved with a married man, what would you do?

One young lady said that she would withdraw her friendship from her friend.

*****!!!crickets!!!*****

There was this big long drawn out discussion over that. Not many people agreed with her. I know I didn't agree. I mean my friend would know how I felt about it, that I didn't approve, and we would discuss it, and keep it moving. Your choices are your choices. Period.

But I have to admit that I was a bit shocked and stuck on what she said.

I didn't say anything durning the discussion, just listened. That whole thing just shook me up a bit. I mean I was torn up inside about it. I didn't hear anything else the rest of that meeting. I was in a daze of sorts.

I was too busy, traveling back in time, thinking back.

Thinking way back.

... to my own affair with a married man.

Stick with me... I am going somewhere with this.

Now I had an affair with a married man back when I was 19, I believe. And it was one of those weird things where I had a boyfriend off in the cut somewhere too, so this was another case of me creeping around. (I was so frickin' unfaithful back then. Goodness.)

Now I wasn't completely in the wrong. I didn't go looking for dude. He ran up on me. (Funny how I tend to rationalize things, ain't it?)

LadyLee's Married Man Story

The year was 1989. I think it was early fall because it was nice out, and we had all the house windows open, enjoying the nice breezes. I was a college junior. I had a big test coming up and I was up in my bedroom sitting on my bed studying.

The doorbell rang. My mother, who happened to be in the den, answered it.

She stood at the bottom of the stairs and called up to me.

"Lisa, there's somebody at the door for you!"

I remembered looking over at my clock. It was a little after nine o' clock. I had no idea who would come over so late at night. I'd seen my boyfriend earlier, even talked to him on the phone. He didn't mention coming over or anything. I mean, he knew I had to study for my test.

Anyway, I bounded down the stairs, all frowned up, wondering who it was. My mother stood at the bottom of the steps, hands on hips in a flowered housedress, peering at me curiously with raised eyebrows. That was peculiar, because Ma was always busy. She would yell something to me and keep it moving, but this time, we watched me come down the steps, round the corner, and run down another set of steps (we had a split level house). I had no idea what that meant. Wasn't my fault someone knocked on the door that late at night.

I went to the front door and there was someone standing there that I hadn't seen in about 3 years...

It was "Rocky J".

He was standing there, in a white muscle t-shirt and a pair of blue windpants. He had on a pair of fresh white sneakers. His hands gripped the doorjamb on each side.

He was hershey-bar dark. Not really hershey dark, but the color of dark chocolate, and he had really nice full lips and a goatee.

"Hey Ladylee," he said.

His voice was deeper than I remembered.

I opened my mouth to return the greeting, but I couldn't say a word...

I just remember thinking two things:

"Damn, Rocky J done got FINE as hell!"

and...

"I'ma DO him."

Kitties, gardens and such...

Poor Oscar-Tyrone...



I noticed, last week, that he didn't look well at all... He would sit on the bed and just stare at me...

He threw up on my bed, and if he wasn't so sick looking, I would've kicked him clear across the room for that. He also threw up on the rug in the kitchen. My sister Kentucky folded the rug over. (Next time, clean that ish up, Kentucky!)

I wasn't worried about the pet foo.d re.call. Oscar has been working on the same bootleg bag of food for a couple of months, so that wasn't it. I think it was a combination of my sister Kentucky giving him tuna fish juice (she gives it ALL to him instead of discarding it. Cut that ish out, Kentucky!!), and him having a few hairballs...

But he is better this week... Plus, Oscar-Tyrone hasn't been to the doctor since 1998.

He apparently knows my motto: Oscar, you betta walk it off, buddy!!

Okay, so this year I have decided to start a garden in the backyard, in this space just behind the house, in front of the tree.

I don't like the tree. Last year, when my brother Milk and Cookies and my neighbors were clearing the back yard for a new fence, he decided not to cut it down. He thought it was pretty or something (Forget you, Milk and Cookies!!)

But of course, although I am 99% tomboy, the 1% Diva in me REFUSES to get out there and dig up the ground and till the soil. Yeah, I will plant seed and pull weeds, but that is it.

But the Mayor of my hood Snake said he would do it...

For a $10.00 fee, of course.

Halfway through the process he got mad as all get out. He said I was working him too hard.

LadyLee: *standing to side watching, grinning REAL hard, and supervising* "Oh Snake, you're doing a fine job!! That looks absolutely wonderful!"

Snake: "Gurl, shut up! I'm tired as hell!"

But we (notice I said "we") finally got a nice 9' by 9' patch of land cleared and marked off.



Now, my brother and I had a garden some three or four years ago, and we planted EVERTHING - eggplant, watermelon, corn, tomatoes, peppers, zucchini, summer, squash, okra, turnips, beans, carrots, swiss chard, pumpkins, herbs - EVERYTHING but the doggone kitchen sink, in a 20'x 20' garden. Half of that stuff didn't even grow right!

Never again. NEVER. I need a FULL Color Purple staff - Celie, Harpo, Mister, Miss Sophia, and dem- if I do some CRAZINESS like that again. Man, I almost had to beat my brother's ass and MAKE him get out there and tend the garden. ~sigh~

I plan on planting only beans, okra, cucumbers, and radishes. Maybe some herbs, I don't know. That's a strange mix of stuff, but I am planting only real easy veggies... stuff that I don't have to fool with too tough. I won't be planting anything that I have to strap to poles or cages, like tomato plants. Once it starts growing, it's all good. I'll just get out there and pick 'em. Enough said.

And you know, I will most definitely throw pics up on the blog...

Stay tuned!

Kat's Korner: "Borrowing Brains"

The one the only...

The Obi Wan-Kenobi, the Guru of my book club, Kat, has blessed us with a little something inspirational for my blog... Kat's on program, and the sista is deep. Just a little something for the beginning of the week to ponder...

~Fade to black... slow harp music~

Borrowing Brains

"Can I borrow your brains?"

This had to be the strangest question I have ever been asked. I guess the look on my face said so. The inquirer went on to clarify.

“I know you know this and I just need to borrow your brains for a minute to help me figure this out.”

Right then, in a moment of clear lucidity, I realized for the very first time in my life, that I have access to all of the knowledge, talent, skills, information that I need.

Before anyone thinks that I am starting to really lose it, let me explain.

God has gifted each of us uniquely.

I have long known that men and women’s brains are wired differently (and yes there are some with crossed wiring, some with loose wiring and some with no wiring at all). In any case, I don’t have to worry about what I don’t have or don’t know how to do…

I just need to learn how to “borrow brains”.

Some of the smartest women in the world surround me. When faced with an issue that requires additional resources, I can simply look around to those that God has knowingly placed in my life and...

...Borrow their brains.