Sunday, July 13, 2008

Those Crazy Cougars, Part II: Personal Ponderings

Back to our regular programming...

I'm not sure how to write this post. It ain't all smurfy like I like, and I share more of myself than I care to.

Or maybe I don't. I'll try to keep it. . . spare.

I mentioned in my last related post that I was exhibiting COUGAR symptoms.

Hmmm...

Well not quite, in the sense of the word.

I'm not going out on the prowl, looking for virile young men. NO WAY, MAN!

But, something is going on that bothers me pretty bad.

These days, when I meet someone that I am mildly interested in, one thing seems to be pretty common:

They are 8 to 10 years younger than me.

Now, I'm 38 years old. So, I meet men that range from about 27 to 30 years old.

That deeply disturbs me.

There's always that question posed...

"So, girl, how old are you?"
I reply, "How old do you think I am?"
"29 or 30."
"Man, you are waaay off."

I guess I should take that as a compliment. I thought it was just the kicking of game, until my writing teacher told me that she thought that I was in my late 20's. And I know she ain't kicking no game.

LOL!!

Another bit of weirdness that takes place with these "youngsters":

"I didn't go to college, but thinking about going back. Did you finish school, Lee?"

LOL!!

My reply of choice has become: "I've had a little bit of schooling."

Man, ain't no way I'm telling a dude that I have a Ph.D. NO WAY. That may be a bit intimidating, maybe it's not. I ain't trying to find out.

Then we get into these looooong discussions, most notably concerning why I'm the way that I am.

"Why you don't like to club?"
"Because I clubbed all throughout my twenties. Once you've heard the same song, danced the same dance, screwed the same type of men, well... the thrill is gone."

"You don't drink?"
"No."
"Why?"
"Because I drank all through college. Smoked too much dope and drank too much. I think I may have been an alcoholic."

**silence**

I find myself having to do a whole lot of explaining. A WHOLE LOT.

Explaining why I am not like everyone else. Why I was like the crowd, but now I'm not. I'm older, I've grown up.

I always say that "You don't know nothing 'til you turn 30."

A guy friend told me for men, that number is higher. Around age 32.

I spend time conversating with these guys, and the more I talk to them, the more that I find that they are still growing, still trying to "find themselves". I have found myself, am comfortable with who I am, yet I'm still growing. I believe we are all under construction, a work in progress, until the day we die, really.

One of the biggest compliments from a couple of guys I've ever heard about myself:

"Lee, I've told you more than I should have about myself, yet I know very little about you. You have this weird way of getting folks to open up to you. It's like you hypnotized me."

LOL! I wish I could do such! Would make life a whole lot easier.

People who know me know this: I ask a WHOLE bunch of questions. I have my opinion, and don't give it much, because I can't tell the difference between if I'm judging you or not. My opinion is my opinion. But I will ask a TON of questions, and get you to talking. A TON. I'm a hell of a good listener. In all that talking you doing, you're gonna probably talk up your own solution, etc.

Not my fault you tell all your bizness in the process. I just asked a few questions. You the one telling it ALL. Not me. I ain't telling you jack! LOL!!

So the conversation finally turns to:

"Why aren't you interested? Let's get up and see what happens."

My reply:
"The only reason I would deal with you is for sexual puposes."

His reply:
"That'll work."

Of course it'll work.

That's what this was all about in the first place, right?

Geez.

I want something deeper than that.

Don't trip. I'm not saying that all guys that age are like that. Not in the least.

But what happened to people developing friendships before they hop in the bed. Why I gotta get busy with you, then we see if things work out? I mean, for all you know, I could be a serial killer. You don't know me. Hmmm.

I just remember how I was around that age. Still finding my way. I remember how the men I dealt with were at tht age. I'm not interested in helping a man find his way. Unless he's in the process of doing that for himself, and that for him is more important than a quick piece of ass.

I can tell the difference. I was that age once, you know.

I'm very much in touch what I want out of a man. I've been around the block a few times, been married, been divorced. . . all of that. From all of that, I've learned that relationships are not to be taken lightly. Not at all. I'm more adamant than ever about checking my motives and agendas when it comes to whoever I deal with. If the motive or agenda is shaky, I gotta leave it alone.

Our relationships change and alter the courses of our lives, for better or worse.

I'm looking for the better.

And for me, being a COUGAR is not where my head is at right now. Society has coined this new term, and they are pumping into our systems. Society is selling that this is the "cool" thing to do now.

I'm not buying "cool".

I'm not a COUGAR... Especially in the sense of the definition:

An older woman who seeks out the "companionship" of young virile men.

Not me. Not this Oldgirl.

Someone that age can come along and knock me off my feet. (I must admit that a couple of them had an Oldgirl feeling "foggy", can't think straight, lol). Could be the one for me. That would be fine and dandy. But I better be sure I know the difference between what's real and what's some ol' B.S.

Now, I'm familiar with Cougars. I even know a couple of happily married Cougars. More power to them, but I wouldn't refer to them as cougars, though. They found someone who they love and loved them in the way they needed to be love. I'm for that- all day, everyday. In that respect the lines of age blur. And rightfully so.

My Mama has had cougar tendencies. I could tell you some stories about that, but I won't. Her mode of operandi is to get with men she can control. This is easier with younger men, especially if they don't have anything or no ambition. I've watched it all go wrong, and her lot in life is much worser than it was at the start. It all goes back to motive and agenda, agenda and motive. I think this has jaded me a bit. I think more of the consequences of getting caught up with the virile young man, than the fun I'd be having with the virile young man.

Now when I was in grad school, I lived next door to a COUGAR. (Of course we didn't call her this. We called her an Original Playa!) We lived in a duplex, she on one side, me on the other. This was some 14 or 15 years ago, back around 1994. I believe I was 25 or 26 at the time.

She was a 75 year old black woman. . .

And she had 25 year old boyfriend.

If that ain't a COUGAR, I don't know what is.

Oh yeah, she was down for what was hers!!

To the point of pulling butcher knives on folks. . .

*LadyLee dry heaving.*

Stay tuned for:

"She put the 'Cou' in 'Cougar'".

Ya'll enjoy the rest of your weekend!!

20 comments:

  1. did i read that correctly? did you say she was 75 and dude was 25? FOR REAL?!?

    DAMN...I WANNA BE THAT WOMAN.

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  2. Anonymous6:20:00 AM

    That was wonderfully entertaining. Must come back for the Cou in cougar!

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  3. @ATLien Nikki...

    Yeah, you heard that right. And it took me a minute to figure it out. I thought he was her grandson. NOPE! It was her boy toy! LOL!!

    I KNOW you want to be that woman. To be that old and to be able to handle a 25 year old man? OH JOY!!

    @Mrs. Saddity...

    Welcome to the House of Ladylee! Glad you like! Part III is gonna mess your head up!!

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  4. OK, at 75 y/o, the 25 y/o MAN should be labeled as something...like DESPERATE. I would have to owe money to the mafia before I mess with a 75 year old man. Just saying...

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  5. @LBeezy...

    Come on LBeezy!!

    You love the exotics...

    So, you mean to tell me that if a nice 75 year old curly headed man run up on you, you not gonna give him a second look? Especially if he has dyed all the gray out of his head, he looks to be in his 40's, and...

    *Lee falling to the ground after getting kicked in the grill by the Lbeezy*

    Nothing wrong with a Sugar Daddy!!! If you get with someone that "MATURE", I ain't mad at you. I'll be thinking, "Oh, he's paying the mortgage, the car notes, all the bills."

    GO LBEEZY!!

    And I better be screaming "That's a bad Mercedes you're driving, LBeezy!!"

    LOL!

    I don't know what was up with the 25 year old dude. DESPERATE is a very kind word to use for him. I may ponder on that in part III. After I break down what happened, you'll be calling him DUMB A$$!!

    Hmm.

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  6. HEY My fellow Aquarian Sistah!
    Okay...u know i been seeing u around - but I admit this my first time coming to your spot.

    Coupla thangs:

    This POST is SSOOOO right ON TIME! I'm not defined by society, so I won't claim the Cougar tag. I. AM. A. FULL GROWN Woman who happens to ATTRACT Younger Men - no NEED for me to SEEK THEM;-). I can believe a 75 year old Chica w/a 25 year old - was that my aunt u lived next door to? ;-).

    U know what I LOVE about being a GROWN azz Woman? When We're with younger men - THEY WORK it & work HARD at keeping us interested & excited. When U see OLDER men with li'l chica-chix the older man ends up lookin' like a sad azz perv going through a crisis - whereas Mature Sistahs look so serene & self assured. Have U really looked closely at 'em?

    Embrace the trait to attract the younger male, Sis! Nobody said u had to reveal every bit of who u are to them (keep the PHD to self until u need to reveal that...). Hope to meetcha when I come to the ATL again the first weekend in August for the Natl Bk Club Conference!

    Hugz!!

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  7. @CAP...

    Wassup, Cappy-Cap... I feel like I know you since you're one of that Original Oldgirl's Sharon's aces!

    Well said. What a rant!! What a rant! WHAT A RANT!!

    I'll leave it at that, because I needs to STOP blogging in my own comment section!

    LOL!!

    Glad you stopped by my spot:)

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  8. Anonymous7:34:00 PM

    When you find out the answer about why people don't get to know each before hopping in the bed let me know. If you not giving it up after talking for a few days, dude is moving on. Maybe its the dudes I come in contact with.

    Glad other bloggers are finding you bc you have one of the best blogs.

    I called the record store about Vesta. The man who answered the phone laughed at me. Not bc I was looking for Vesta but I pronounced her name Vista. He was playing with me saying "who? I don't know that singer". I started singing Congratulations. Lol He asked what I know about Vesta. I told him not a damn thing but Congratulations. He didn't have the album I was looking for but told me he will be on the lookout for it and will call me if he find it. Got a man who calls himself Ugly Mike (name of store is Ugly Mike Records) laughing at me. Lol

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  9. Oh, I'm sure that we'll learn that he's a dumb a$$, it's just that financial times have never been THAT tough for me. He had to be desperate to feed some expensive habit of his to resort to dating someone 50 years older. Dating a 75 y/o woman at 25...a young, virile man considered at least "decent" looking...is only one step above hitting the gay ho stroll for some ends. But I guess that's going from cougars to pink panthers, lol.

    I'm mad that you even went there on the exotic tip...

    ...you ole cougar, you!

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  10. @Southern Black Gal...

    Girl, there is no answer to that question. That's the way it is. You lay down and take your chances, and hope the dude ain't gonna cause you problems. You spend awhile wondering if what you have is "real" and you stay in a holding pattern until you figure that out. That's always been my M.O., most people's way to do things, but I don't accept that for myself any longer.

    I'm not sure we can get away from this. It's all our music talks about. We see it left and right in the media. It's the norm. And it is difficult to think otherwise when that is all that is fed to us. It has become normal. Yet we go unfulfilled emotionally. We have plethora of problems behind it all. sigh.

    Not sure where all the commenters are coming from. I think it helps that, with the new blogroll set up, I can comment more on other blogs and keep up with my favorite bloggers and new ones, too. I'm a tad bit more active since my sister set up some wireless (I personally didn't have the internet hooked up for myself at home; always bootlegged off of her.) Also, they must like what they are reading. Go figure!

    Girl, it's hard to find that Vesta! I'm trying to tell you, 100 to 200 bucks on ebay for that one CD. The LP is like, 3 dollars. I may buy that and have it burned to CD. No telling how much THAT will cost!!

    @LBeezy...

    Come on girl! With the bad economy now, you gotta do what you gotta do. Some fine "Distinguished" gentleman roll up you with a just a little bit of rap left and hey, go for YOURS!

    LOL! Just playing...

    There have to be some reasons for a young man dating a woman 50 years older. There had BETTER be some reasons for THAT.

    You may get the drift in part III.

    @Dreamy...

    I have been laughing at your "smooth cooch" term for a minute now. That is an uh, very creative description of such. LOL!

    LOL @ "true pimping in rare form".

    You called it, hon!

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  11. OMG @ 75 & 25...*shuddering*. I'm sorry that just sounds sooooooooooo disgusting!

    I hate the term Cougar...men have been going after younger women since the beginning of time, but they're just being a man. Go figure.

    I second Southern's comment. These days men expect you to give up the goods yesterday. They'll think about a relationship tomorrow or the next day. Honestly I blame women for this. There are a lot of desperate women out there willing to put up with whatever foolishness a man dishes her way...just so she can say she has a man...even if she's sharing him with some other chicks. It's sad.

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  12. Don't hate me, but you could be a Cougar. I dislike labels myself, but shoot if you're attracted to younger man and you're an older woman what's wrong with that? Okay, so don't use the term, but please don't push those young hotties away.

    In my opinion I could certainly see a younger man who inhabitants an old soul as your mate. He's already pursing his "higher" education and workin' it out on the J.O.B. He's fine and his knowledge of anything and everything gets you goin'. ;)

    It's possible! I'm just sayin'!

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  13. @Opinionated Diva...

    Yes, *shuddering* ain't the word for how I felt. IT WAS DISGUSTING, MA!!!!!

    I think much of this is our fault as women. Desperation is a mutha. Best to wait on someone who will treat you right, whether he's younger or older. Because I have learned, the relationship is going to run it's course (even if it gets that far along or gets started along).

    I think we as women are built that way. We desire all the good things about being in love and all that it entails. Question is, do we let those yearnings we have drive us to be in relationships that are bad for us, or do we have a enough self-esteem, self-worth, and self-love to KNOW that we are special and worth the love we are willing to give?

    Humph. Answer seems easy, but it's not, really. Our actions speak louder than words. MUCH louder.

    So if that's the case... call it what it is... COUGAR ACTION!! LOL!!

    @Believer 64...

    Hon, I don't knock the young guys. All things are possible! I like young guys, but they are just too green. I don't like explaining myself, and goodness, God forbid I gotta teach anybody anything. I don't have much in common with them, and they are doing a few things that I stopped doing many moons ago.Unless explaining and teaching are MUTUAL and go both ways, it's like having a child. I got WAAAAAY too much going on in my life to deal with that, and I'm one of the most impatient peeps on the planet. A bad combo to say the least.

    It's a turnoff to deal with someone who is growing, trying to get past a stage I was at some 10-15 years ago (PLEASE read the next post; I'm finished, but even I was shocked at how far I've come mentally and spiritually over the last decade or so. Why I wanna deal with those attitudes now? Hmm.)

    I know a couple of very happily married Cougars. They found someone they loved and who loved them. No mention of cougars and age and all this mess. None. More power to them!!

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  14. LOL! You made that up luv. Talking about 75 yr old woman with a 25 yr old guy? -LMAO!!! That is Kaah-Rayyzeee! More and more, I'm so happy I was born a man.

    Had my rollicking crazy 20's when I was strictly care free (and mom imposed a strict "don't make me a grandmother yet clause in my dating") lots of one-night stands but I was respectful. No reason to be rude to the honeys.

    But I was a new breed of man when it came down to the time I wanted to settle down and that was when I was in my mid-20's. I was just one of those brothers who knew what he wanted. The honeys didn't know what they wanted then, and I think most of them don't know what they want now either! -lol- yeah, some of them know, but most I think talk a good game and have their heads up in the clouds sometimes.

    Because the ones who knew what they wanted, let nothing be held back and let a brotha know. I love an inquisitive woman. I can be a question asker, but it's not my forte. I'm that guy who would give up alot of personal info. Just check out my blog. I can't tell you how many women have hit me up in e-mail and tell me, you are too revealing about yourself. Tone it down some.

    I tell 'em yeah, right. Like the way I put out my bio name? Come on now. I like putting it all out there that way that woman can't say she didn't know. Plus she's free to pursue and meet me 1/2 way or get ta steppin'...

    So a cougar huh? I like it. ;)

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  15. If you're an old-fashioned girl and believe that men should do the pursuing, and the only ones pursuing you are younger ... than what are your options?

    Still doesn't make me a cougar.

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  16. And because you're my girl, I'll try to forget you said "conversating" in your post. (I have a hang up about that damn word. I know its unnatural, but still ;) Love your posts as always luv...

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  17. @ that Original Oldgirl Chele...

    Hon, you DO realize that you look like you're 21 years old, don't you? I bet you STILL get carded.

    LOL!!
    LOL!!
    LOL!!

    You are an old fashioned gal! Nothing wrong with that. My issha is that we need not let desperation be an option. Society has coined this new term, and now it's a new trend, so it's the "in" thing to do. I hate the term just as much as you do. But I don't have a problem with women who meet someone and everything's cool, no bullsh** craziness going on (see Southern black gal's comment (1st paragraph) above. That's what I have a problem with.

    And then you gotta look at what I've been around for a minute. Scenario: Catch a young guy. Make sure he ain't got no ambition, no NOTHING. Maybe a half-ass job, but that's it. Let him move in with you. Buy him stuff, like vehicles and that type of stuff. This way you got control over him. Dude starts acting crazy, ruins your credit, hates your children, does drugs, is an alcoholic, etc... You eventually put him out, and your life is much worse than it was before that itch of yours got scratched...

    Not my experience, not at all. But I see that too much. Now tie this cougar craziness in with it. "Look at me, I got a young man!" SIGH.

    All I'm asking, what happen to us operating out of a good heart, with sound motives and sound agendas?

    Yeah, I'm jaded. I suppose. Just me. I think too much about this stuff.

    But if you have decent motives, etc., and ain't operating that way, good deal. Love is love. Age ain't nothing but a number.

    So, Chele if you drop B (God forbid), and you get with a 21 year old... Knowing what I know of you, I'm going to assume that it is none other than it is: Love.

    (and I'ma call you a cougar under my breath).

    LOL LOL LOL!

    (just playing, Oldgirl:)

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  18. @Frank (Luke Cage)...

    Conversating, conversating, conversating, conversating, CONVERSATING!!!

    Come here, gotta tell you something...

    We got some conversating to do.

    Conversating, conversating...

    Got a minut, Frank? Good, I feel like... CONVERSATING.

    You don't like the word "conversating". That Oldgirl Chele don't like the term "I digress". I will pick on you, but I wouldn't DARE pick on her!

    BOY!! You shouldn't have told me THAT!!! Talk about the CRAZY comments I'm going to leave over at the House of the Urban Knight!! LOL!!!

    Let me ask you a question: Did your homeboys pick on you for getting serious so soon about settling down?? And as a result, did that move you towards Older women? Just wondering.

    And I must admit. A lot of women don't know what they want. You don't know jack until you turn 30. I know I didn't know what I wanted in my 20s. Was trying to HIT, that's what I was trying to do. I'm suprised you didn't get taken advantaged of!!

    Right now, the young girls want what Lil' Wayne and all them tell them to want. LOL!! (Shouldn't have said that, I'm going to get some strange email for that statement.)

    Yes, 75 year old woman with a 25 year old man. I kid you not. Come back and marinate on that post in an hour or so...

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  19. Okay. I think the term has been recently coined for your old neighbor as Saber Toothed Tiger!

    But really, what do you expect of a dude who finds you attractive to do if the conversation goes like this:

    So the conversation finally turns to:

    "Why aren't you interested? Let's get up and see what happens."

    My reply:
    "The only reason I would deal with you is for sexual purposes."

    His reply:
    "That'll work."

    Um. If I am talking to a lady that I find interesting enough to talk to and she basically tells me I am only good for dick in a box, well I am gonna be that dick in her box! Cause I would be wasting my time at hoping for anything else! I am just saying...

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  20. @2nd 68!!

    You are so funny!!!!

    Mister, that wasn't the FULL conversation. Too many sexual innuendos, and you know what's on a man's mind. If he didn't come at me like that, then uh... maybe he would hold my interest! You know what I'm saying!

    So a woman keeps hinting, hinting, hinting, hinting... you just go jump in the bed with her?

    Okay, you a dude. Never mind answering that question.

    But you know what I mean, shorty. You know the drill.

    Reverse back up to the 1st paragraph of southern black gal's answer. You better spread the legs within a few days or you lose him.

    My thing is, I should lose him. He aint worth having UNLESS I am specifically looking for that: some quick sex.

    Hmm...

    Here's your plate of food, Mister. Now go sit down at the table and eat with the concubines.

    LOL!!

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Slap the *crickets* out the way, kindly step up to the mike, and SAY something!!