Those Crazy Cougars, Part II: Personal Ponderings

Back to our regular programming...

I'm not sure how to write this post. It ain't all smurfy like I like, and I share more of myself than I care to.

Or maybe I don't. I'll try to keep it. . . spare.

I mentioned in my last related post that I was exhibiting COUGAR symptoms.

Hmmm...

Well not quite, in the sense of the word.

I'm not going out on the prowl, looking for virile young men. NO WAY, MAN!

But, something is going on that bothers me pretty bad.

These days, when I meet someone that I am mildly interested in, one thing seems to be pretty common:

They are 8 to 10 years younger than me.

Now, I'm 38 years old. So, I meet men that range from about 27 to 30 years old.

That deeply disturbs me.

There's always that question posed...

"So, girl, how old are you?"
I reply, "How old do you think I am?"
"29 or 30."
"Man, you are waaay off."

I guess I should take that as a compliment. I thought it was just the kicking of game, until my writing teacher told me that she thought that I was in my late 20's. And I know she ain't kicking no game.

LOL!!

Another bit of weirdness that takes place with these "youngsters":

"I didn't go to college, but thinking about going back. Did you finish school, Lee?"

LOL!!

My reply of choice has become: "I've had a little bit of schooling."

Man, ain't no way I'm telling a dude that I have a Ph.D. NO WAY. That may be a bit intimidating, maybe it's not. I ain't trying to find out.

Then we get into these looooong discussions, most notably concerning why I'm the way that I am.

"Why you don't like to club?"
"Because I clubbed all throughout my twenties. Once you've heard the same song, danced the same dance, screwed the same type of men, well... the thrill is gone."

"You don't drink?"
"No."
"Why?"
"Because I drank all through college. Smoked too much dope and drank too much. I think I may have been an alcoholic."

**silence**

I find myself having to do a whole lot of explaining. A WHOLE LOT.

Explaining why I am not like everyone else. Why I was like the crowd, but now I'm not. I'm older, I've grown up.

I always say that "You don't know nothing 'til you turn 30."

A guy friend told me for men, that number is higher. Around age 32.

I spend time conversating with these guys, and the more I talk to them, the more that I find that they are still growing, still trying to "find themselves". I have found myself, am comfortable with who I am, yet I'm still growing. I believe we are all under construction, a work in progress, until the day we die, really.

One of the biggest compliments from a couple of guys I've ever heard about myself:

"Lee, I've told you more than I should have about myself, yet I know very little about you. You have this weird way of getting folks to open up to you. It's like you hypnotized me."

LOL! I wish I could do such! Would make life a whole lot easier.

People who know me know this: I ask a WHOLE bunch of questions. I have my opinion, and don't give it much, because I can't tell the difference between if I'm judging you or not. My opinion is my opinion. But I will ask a TON of questions, and get you to talking. A TON. I'm a hell of a good listener. In all that talking you doing, you're gonna probably talk up your own solution, etc.

Not my fault you tell all your bizness in the process. I just asked a few questions. You the one telling it ALL. Not me. I ain't telling you jack! LOL!!

So the conversation finally turns to:

"Why aren't you interested? Let's get up and see what happens."

My reply:
"The only reason I would deal with you is for sexual puposes."

His reply:
"That'll work."

Of course it'll work.

That's what this was all about in the first place, right?

Geez.

I want something deeper than that.

Don't trip. I'm not saying that all guys that age are like that. Not in the least.

But what happened to people developing friendships before they hop in the bed. Why I gotta get busy with you, then we see if things work out? I mean, for all you know, I could be a serial killer. You don't know me. Hmmm.

I just remember how I was around that age. Still finding my way. I remember how the men I dealt with were at tht age. I'm not interested in helping a man find his way. Unless he's in the process of doing that for himself, and that for him is more important than a quick piece of ass.

I can tell the difference. I was that age once, you know.

I'm very much in touch what I want out of a man. I've been around the block a few times, been married, been divorced. . . all of that. From all of that, I've learned that relationships are not to be taken lightly. Not at all. I'm more adamant than ever about checking my motives and agendas when it comes to whoever I deal with. If the motive or agenda is shaky, I gotta leave it alone.

Our relationships change and alter the courses of our lives, for better or worse.

I'm looking for the better.

And for me, being a COUGAR is not where my head is at right now. Society has coined this new term, and they are pumping into our systems. Society is selling that this is the "cool" thing to do now.

I'm not buying "cool".

I'm not a COUGAR... Especially in the sense of the definition:

An older woman who seeks out the "companionship" of young virile men.

Not me. Not this Oldgirl.

Someone that age can come along and knock me off my feet. (I must admit that a couple of them had an Oldgirl feeling "foggy", can't think straight, lol). Could be the one for me. That would be fine and dandy. But I better be sure I know the difference between what's real and what's some ol' B.S.

Now, I'm familiar with Cougars. I even know a couple of happily married Cougars. More power to them, but I wouldn't refer to them as cougars, though. They found someone who they love and loved them in the way they needed to be love. I'm for that- all day, everyday. In that respect the lines of age blur. And rightfully so.

My Mama has had cougar tendencies. I could tell you some stories about that, but I won't. Her mode of operandi is to get with men she can control. This is easier with younger men, especially if they don't have anything or no ambition. I've watched it all go wrong, and her lot in life is much worser than it was at the start. It all goes back to motive and agenda, agenda and motive. I think this has jaded me a bit. I think more of the consequences of getting caught up with the virile young man, than the fun I'd be having with the virile young man.

Now when I was in grad school, I lived next door to a COUGAR. (Of course we didn't call her this. We called her an Original Playa!) We lived in a duplex, she on one side, me on the other. This was some 14 or 15 years ago, back around 1994. I believe I was 25 or 26 at the time.

She was a 75 year old black woman. . .

And she had 25 year old boyfriend.

If that ain't a COUGAR, I don't know what is.

Oh yeah, she was down for what was hers!!

To the point of pulling butcher knives on folks. . .

*LadyLee dry heaving.*

Stay tuned for:

"She put the 'Cou' in 'Cougar'".

Ya'll enjoy the rest of your weekend!!