Hand me that sm-, sm-, smoking platinum encrusted diamond microphone, Microphone Queen Sharon!
No...
This is NOT an episode of Animal Planet.
I am not blogging about our beautiful American cougars.
They are loving though, frolicking through the snow, searching for sustenance.
No, I'm talking about COUGARS!!!!
Older women who seek out the companionship of young virile men!
Well, lately there's been a particular story about a particular COUGAR in the media. If you haven't heard, read, or seen anything about this, you must be taking residence up under a big rock on some undiscovered planet somewhere.
A-Rod and that COUGAR Madonna.
That COUGAR Madonna is at the center of some mess.
Goodness. It hasn't all sunk in. Too many reports. And I have a tendency to turn the channel to Law and Order, the Lifetime channel, or... white noise. Anything to get away from it.
They say ARod been leaving her apartment at 2 in the morning. He's texting her back and forth, calling her his "Soul mate". She has introduced him to the Ka.bala faith. She's showing up at games and what-not.
And they are both hollering "We're just friends!!"
Yeah. A male "friend" leaves my house at 2 in the morning, there's a bit more than friendship going on. Matter of fact, I'm standing at the door, hair dishelved, in a silk robe making sure to lock the deadbolt as said "friend" scurries out the door.
LOL!!!!!!
Now there's a big mess. All I know, A-Rod's wife is raising a slight raucus, but she ain't a sista. A sista would be putting the verbal foot stomp on dude's head in the media right now.
A sista would be holding a pot of HOT grits while talking trash right about now.
I couldn't be married to a STAR who has the nerve to run around on me. WOW. I would line up all ten of our kids (yeah, I plan for some bull... I would've popped out a baby every 8.5 months, and a set a triplets somewhere due to all those fertility drugs I'd been wolfing down on the low-low) right in front of their rich and famous father...
"Come on, little children, line up now, from oldest to youngest."
*Children scurry to line up. Even the baby, baby Ladylee crawls into position*
*LadyLee waves hand in the air over her beautiful smiling children*
"Count em off, children!"
10 million.
20 million.
30 million.
40 million.
80 million.
*LadyLee frowns. Little 8 year old Ray-ray can't count well. That's alright because that just means more money for them all when they break camp and get the "bleep" out of dodge .*
The count goes on. My non-counting kids get up to 200 million.
"Yes dear," I say lovingly to my rich and famous husband. . .
"That's how much I'm sticking you up for for messing with that COUGAR."
Man...
A-Rod's wife is gonna CLEAN UP!!! And she just has 2 childrens!!
Dude got the nerve to be messing with Madonna.
I like Madonna. Especially that early stuff, from 25 years ago. I remember LadyTee and myself running around the house singing "Borderline", "Papa don't Preach", all those songs! Her Erotica CD is one of my all time favorite CDs. Madonna is the Man!!!
However, Madonna has been around the block ya'll! You hear me? She's slept with mens, womens, and even. . .
If I were A-rod's wife, I would really be talking trash. I would be talking so much trash that spit would be flying out of my mouth.
As That Original Oldgirl LBeezy would say:
*Whistle on the Play!*
*Lee blowing on silver whistle so hard that she pops a blood vessel.*
A blood vessel would bust in my eye. That's just how pissed I would be the moment I think-
"That broad slept with Dennis Rodm.an!!!"
Someone would have to give me an STD test REAL QUICK if I found out MY man had been sleeping with Madonna. REAL QUICK. I mean, I want the FULL battery of tests available.
And Guy Richie is looking like a straight up sucka right about now.
I wonder what's running through his mind? He sure did hop on a plane from England and get over to New York real fast, didn't he?
Hmmm...
What was THAT all about?
Man, I could not be all in the media. My bizness out in the street, all THIS type of mess. My life is pretty quiet and straight-laced these days (to some degree), but just thinking about the suckas I slept with in the past...
Let's just say...I could not run for the office of President of these United States of America. No. Sir.
*sigh*
I don't know what to make of it. I know what's central here is that I've been watching too much bubble gum media lately. Thank goodness my vacation is over. I can get back to my 10-12 hour workdays. (Never thought I'd hear myself say THAT)
It all made me think. Madonna is worth an estimated 600 million. A-Rod has signed the most lucrative contracts in baseball, some 150 million dollars worth, I think. I'm not sure what their respective spouses are worth, but we are talking at least 750 million dollars in cold hard cash. Pure wealth. Enough money to have or buy absolutely anything your mind could think up.
Just goes to show you:
All the money in the world can't buy you happiness or those intangible things which you so earnestly desire in your heart of hearts.
Good.
Ness.
Despite incredible riches and wealth, people are out there:
Seeking...
Needing...
Yearning...
Aching...
Crying...
Feening...
Wanting...
Wanting for something that they
Just.
Can't.
Buy.
**We pause here for a moment of silence so you can let that marinate**
(A little "Food for thought", Original Oldgirl style, slipped in there for you. Chew your "food" real good so you won't. . .choke.)
But all of this has me pontificating further. . .
I was watching something on television, and they said that a woman isn't considered a COUGAR until she's hit her late 30's, early 40s.
And I'm at the young COUGAR age. I'm 38ish...
Prime cougar age, ya'll.
And I seem to be displaying a few symptoms that would make me a...
COUGAR
To be continued...
(Shoot man. Ya'll know how I do. Amen, Holler, Goodnight.)
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that is a fine azz man that A-Rod, good Lord i see why Madonna is all up on that,lol.
ReplyDeletei dont blame the ole girl, that man is fine. Hell Id be like call me a cougar all you like, cause im getting me some of that,(fanning myself)
@Dreamy...
ReplyDeleteAnd your husband would be standing to the side whining "What about me, Dreamy!?"
And you know, that's probably way Madonna was thinking, just like you. LOL. Oh, I know she didn't imagine all this fallout (Plus, it could be one of her publicity stunts).
While I would loooooove to see A-Rod's wife try to beat a bone out Madonna's @ss, we all know it's NOT going to go down like that.
ReplyDeleteI agree that she's gonna take him to the bank though and I can't think of too many things that'll hurt a man [of his status] more than hittin' em' HARD in the pockets.
Like a virgin my ass.
ReplyDeleteOn another note;
Back when California was not yet a non-smoking State, you could sit out on any patio in any city and smoke. Those places are far a few between now.
Anyway, a few years back I was smoking a cigar on a street front patio outside a restaurant in West Hollywood. Low and behold smoking in a corner was the great Miss Dennis Rodman. He was quietly cowering next to the building, trying to avoid the tabloid photographers. It may have been the only time in his life he tried to avoid press.
He noticed the cool gray smoke from my cigar and walked over. “What kind of “stick” you smoking” he asked.
I looked at him and said, “It’s a Cohiba robusto.”
(I acted like I didn’t know who he was but really, who wouldn’t have known? I’m like that with Celebs. Don’t let ‘em throw your cool and they may figure since they didn’t intimidate you, you may be a player, so they treat you with a little artificial respect.)
He thought for a moment and said, “I’ve never smoked one of those, you got another one? I’ll trade you.”
I reached in my pocket and handed him one of the finest in Central American cigar making. He in turned handed me some two bit Oliva or some cheap shit like that.
That explained to me the whole Madonna thing. The man simply had no taste.
Now Madonna's cougarism aside (seeing as I've got a bit of cougar in me as well), you know dayum well you was wrong wrong wrong for ending like that....
ReplyDeleteWhy you tryna mess wit my head?
@Ms. Behaving...
ReplyDeleteCouldn't be me. If I was her, I'd be SCREAMING into the microphone, looking straight in the paparazzi camera, yelling
"Madonna, don't let me catch you out in the street. It's on if I do!"
No, she's gonna shed some tears. She's already wailing about how he abandoned their daughters. THAT right there will get you all the sympathy in the world. Yep, she's gonna clean up!!
@Terry...
That was good right there, Terry. You said it perfectly.
I can see you staring at those cheap cigars and immediately tossing them in the trash. LOL!!
So I take it, if you had a chance, you wouldn't get your groove on with Madonna?
(Don't slap me!)
LOL!
@That Original Oldgirl Sharon...
Ain't nobody messing with your head, Ma. This just had me thinking about all things COUGAR.
And take your microphone back, hon. It's burning my fingertips!
LOL!!
**getting up from the ground after 2nd 68 let me go. Dang, Lee you slapped me too hard** I can't help it I didn't know those songs.
ReplyDeleteA-Rod has been getting away with sleeping around on his wife since they been married. I remember the story last year of him trotting around town with a stripper. I guess his wife finally got tired of his adultery ways.
Madonna has been around the block and back again. I remember when I was younger and came across her autobiography movie on HBO. I think it was called Truth or Dare. Hmmm..Madonna is nasty. Have you seen the pics of her and other people in her autobiography book?
I read his wife could get half. He makes $29 million a year plus $6 a yr in endorsements. He's estimated to make $445 million over the course of his career. Mrs A-Rod is about to be paid!
Why come I can't come across an athlete?
First of all, Madonna is not a cougar. She's a fossil.
ReplyDeleteSecond of all, If I were A-Rod's wife I'd be heading on down to the free clinic to get some tests instead of hopping a plane to France to see Lenny Kravitz.
And lastly, someone needs to school me on the origin of the term "cougar". I'm not too fond of it. And it's not because for the past almost 2 decades I've dated younger men ...
@Southern Black Gal..
ReplyDeleteGirl, let me help you up from the floor. Dust yourself off now... Here, here's your sippy cup back... you YOUNGUN!!!
Yeah... we gonna get you back for tht one. Hmm-mmm.
Dude been with a stripper and Madonna. Lawd knows who else. The Mrs. need to go get some STD tests once a week for the rest of the year.
I LOVE that Truth or Dare movie! LOVED-ED it! Yep, from that, you can tell that she is waaaaaay out there. Shouldn't be touched with a 10 foot pole, Ma!!
So, if I was the Mrs. I would get my half, take my kids, and keep it moving. Really though.
@That Original Oldgirl Chele
LOL@ Fossil! LOL LOL LOL!!! That was funny.
Free Clinic? Hecks no. I want the BEST doctor with the latest research to test me for STDs. No, I want them to test me for STDs that don't even exist yet.
Chele is a COUGAR! Chele is a COUGAR!!
You know, there were a couple of movies, and they used the term in those movies, and it stuck.
Second, I see a cougar as a chick that explicitly rolls up on a younger dude EXPRESSLY for sexual purpose. I think that is probably too narrow of a definition, and every woman in our age group is grouped under the "COUGAR" category. But I don't claim it for myself... Or at least I haven't acted on it... YET.
LOL!!!!!
I could be totally off, but I thought that another important quality for being considered a cougar was that you had to be deemed da hotness by a majority. Or maybe that's just a MILF. Geez, I can't keep up. I don't care for the term either. When old a$$ men sleep with young women, they're just called old a$$ men sleeping with young women. They should be referred to as hedgehogs, boll weevils, or something!
ReplyDeleteA-Rod could get it forwards, backwards, and diagonal from me so I feel MADonna's temptation.
@Them Oldgirls Sharon and LBeezy...
ReplyDeleteWell, I'm laughing at the two of you! The term for the old men hitting the young girls is...
SUGAR DADDY
lol!!
@Lbeezy...
Sound the alarm!! We have a Madonna sympathizer in the house!!
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!
Madonna has been around the block, on the corner, in the alley, and under the bleachers. She looks like she her cooch smells foul. Just thinking about her brings the Meow Mix song into my head and seeing her stalked by every stray cat in the neighborhood.
ReplyDeleteCougars must be a nice way of saying Sugar Mama, right? I've definitely been looking for one of those.
Again, I felt her temptation...I didn't say that I understood why she allegedly cheated. A-Rod can get it from lil ole UNMARRIED me now that he's 'bout to be "sangle"...that is, after a trip to the free clinic.
ReplyDelete@The LBeezy...
ReplyDeleteAlright, I do understand. Thought you were out here sympathizing!! But uh, when he get sangle, and run up on you... You make sure you keep an eye on him, ok!!
Hate to see you in the news giving him the *gas face*
LOL!!!
A-Rod reminds me of this saying I once saw. It showed a picture of a VERY fine and gorgeous man, staring all seductively. The caption said "No matter how fine he is, some woman somewhere is trying to get rid of his a$$"... Meaning he may be fine, but heck, dude take you through so much mess, that it's time to get rid of him an move on with your life...
SIGH!!! Horrible, but it is true!
Hahum, yes I am a cougar too. I married my husband who was 25 at the time and I was 33---pre-cougar. But at 45 and getting divorced I am not so sure I want them younger than 38 now. Anything younger and they may want a family...AH NO!
ReplyDeleteThe thing with the A-Rod/Madonna thing is they have money...which clearly doesn't buy happiness, but can buy you out of an unhappy situation.
*crickets*
ReplyDeleteDAMN GIRL...BWAAAAHAAHAHAHAAHA
and a-rod ain't fine. that dude looks soft. did you see the stripper he had sex with? looks more manly than HE does...
hell, she looks more manly than RODMAN does.
you a cougar now? i work at a university...i REFUSE to be a cougar (but it's damn hard...)
You old cougar you! Or should I say you YOUNG cougar you!
ReplyDeleteI just happen to be too old to be considered prey.
@ LB - Before they were called sugar daddy they were called dirty old men! So I think it is fair that old chicks that STALK young and unsuspecting prey get names too!
@ Nikki - Go on over to the young side! You probably need something at this point in ya life that has enough energy to keep up!
Michelle called Madonna a fossil...
ReplyDeleteand then I flatlined!
That right there is hilarious. It sounds like a big PR stint to me, or maybe she's trying to bring him into the Kabalah fold but the fact that they share a manager says big publicity stunt to me...
Watch him be in some spandex hot pants in her next video or some sh*t!