Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Those Crazy Cougars Part IV (Final): "She Put the 'Cou' in Cougar"

for part one of this story, click here.

Man...

I tell you.

Having a 75-year-old woman with a 25 year old "Boy Toy" living next door was a conversation piece for quite some time. Especially since they were quite "active". Let's just say that I slept in the living room on my couch sometimes. Our bedrooms shared a wall. Their lovemaking would wake me up at night, and gross me out at the same time.

Something else occurred that really disturbed me:

They fought A LOT.

I mean argued down!

I could hear all that, too. It was moreso the dude defending himself, yelling "I ain't cheating on you!!". Ms. Mary would throw stuff at him. I could hear pots and pans clanking against the wall.

They were getting on my nerve. Big time. I couldn't call the cops, because they would know who called. As long as they stayed on their side of the duplex, whatever.

I couldn't worry about it. I was in school, had a hectic schedule, and even teaching a lab class one evening a week. I had talks to prepare, research to do, amongst other things.

I was not going to concern myself with their mess.

Until. . .

One day I was heading out the door to school. I wasn't going to walk to school that day because I had a 5 hour lab class to teach that night, and wouldn't be in until 11 o' clock that evening. So I decided to drive my beloved 73' Nova, and pay the three dollar parking fee. As usual, I would walk to the parking deck with some of my students from the lab class. (Gotta be safe, ya'll!)

The dude was outside, tidying up the yard as usual. He spent MUCH time doing this. I thought he should go get a dayum job, but like I said, ain't none of my business.

I said hello. He said hello.

He watched me walk to my car. (That in itself bothered me a bit).

"Good," he said. "You're driving. I think I'll go head on and cut this grass."

"Sounds good," I said. I was hoping that wasn't some sly remark for me to move my car. They didn't have a car, and they never had visitors, i.e., the driveway was MINE!

Okay. That was the extent of the conversation.

I got in the car, and the dude went to the screen door on the side of their place, that led into the kitchen. He opened the door and jumped back, a look of fright clouding his face.

"Idiot," I said to myself. "Musta saw a bug or bee. Got the nerve to jump. Idiot."

(I was in a FOUL mood that day, lol. Can't remember why, just knew I was).

Anyway, the next day, I'm out on the porch, talking on my cordless phone, and dude comes out the house. I got off the phone, and was about to go into my place.

"Hey," he said.

I said hello.

He looked back and forth up and down the street. "She real mad at me."

I didn't say anything. I was tripping that this dude was even talking to me.

"Yesterday, when she saw me out here talking to you, she got all mad. I tried to walk in the kitchen through the screen door. She had this big butcher knife in her hand." He raised his hands to show me how big it was. "She threatened to kill me."

I just stared at him. I was part tripping because this dude was talking to me and part suprised because he stuck around after that old broad threatened him like that."

"She thank me and you got something going on."

"What the f*** are you talking about?!" I yelled before I could even think about it.

He was stunned. "Oh, I know we ain't fooling around. I told her that, but she don't believe me!"

He had the nerve to looked scared.

"Man, you better talk to that old lady. Because if she say anything to me, she getting her a** kicked."

"Naw'l, I don't think she will say anything to you."

I looked around. "Where she at right now?"

"Oh, she gone shopping. She won't be back for awhile."

I'm still thinking, Why is this dude talking to me?

"Let me tell you something," I said. I pointed at my car. "If I come out here and my car windows are busted, or my tires are slashed, that b*tch going to jail. You better get some control over her. I don't care how old she is, she getting locked up tonight!"

He nodded.

I meant what I said, too. My Nova - it might as well have been a benz. That's how much I loved my car. And she seemed like the type to want to try to slash tires in the middle of the night.

I went in the house.

There was more fighting over there. Pissed me off because I needed to study.

Ms. Mary never said anything out of the way to me. When I'd walk up to my front door, which was right next to hers, she'd get up and walk to the screen door and stare.

One day I was like... "You got a damn problem or something?" I gripped my book bag in my hand. It was heavy and full of books. If she came outside, I was prepared to knock her upside the head.

She wouldn't say anything. She'd retreat back and slam the door.

Good. Because, like I said, I respect the elderly, but she would've caught a servere beatdown just for thinking I was messing with her "boy toy". The Horror!!

That dude didn't say much to me after that. And when he did, I would remind him to check his woman. And I was loud enough so she could hear me. Between myself and my best friend LadyTee, we were going run up on her if we had to.

I'm not sure what happened with that cougar Ms. Mary and that young man. I moved away abuot 6 months later. (Moved in with my man, waaaay out in Smyrna, which was stupid!).

But it made me wonder...

What would cause her to be THAT paranoid?

And what would cause him to stick around and be abused like that? I mean, I'd go live under a bridge before I allowed someone to pull knives on me, and throw stuff at me... Who could be that desperate?

Hmmm....

Makes me not even want to consider that ol' cougar lifestyle.

LOL.

16 comments:

  1. Anonymous10:07:00 AM

    Ms Mary was something else. And Boy Toy must have have been born without all his chromosomes. LOL

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  2. @ Southern Black gal...

    Something was wrong with dude. Ain't that much hard luck in the world, you know?

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  3. Aw go ahead and get ya damn Cougar on! Although that got me wondering too...

    Damn, 75 though? I can understand the three times ya age thing... For a minute... But damn!

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  4. @2nd 68...

    Boy, STOP!

    I don't even SEE you allowing some woman to throw pots and pans at you, let alone raise up a butcher knife threatening to kill you...

    You would fall out laughing. I know you would.

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  5. you know why she was so territorial it was because she felt threatened.

    here you were this pretty young thang, fresh and vibrant. and there she was all wrinkled and old. she was just insecure and thought that you were going to take her young thang from her.

    yeah i would have been had to tell her old azz something!!!

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  6. Ditto Dreamy, sounds like insecurity... I mean, I think she knows he's SUPPOSED to be attracted to ppl around his age, like... well, like every1 else around his age...

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  7. he stuck around cuz he got free shelter and food and all he had to do was give up the "d"...in the dark we all look the same.

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  8. Dang OG ... a Nova ... really?

    :)

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  9. Lemme rephrase. I understand hittin' it if she is three times ya age! For a minute... (since I am guilty, and don't be mentioning that where some folk can see it!) but I wasn't near that old, nor was I shackin' up!

    And no, them pots and pans and shit would definitely not be happening! She may have "overdosed" by mistake on all them old people pills!

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  10. ::Shudders @ the very thought of them two hitting the skins AND, having the nerve to be loud about it::.

    Your poor...poor ears! [LOL]

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  11. @Dreamy...

    That Old woman shouldn't have felt threatened!! Don't nobody want a "J", even if he was our age. I had a man and a man on the side. I could handle NO MORE. LOL

    And if she can pull a 25 year-old, that shoulda let her know that she had it going on!

    LOL!!

    @Ruthibelle...

    Who are you, Miss? A citizen of Lurk City? HA! Just playing...

    I am LOST on the insecurity. You turn 75, and you can do a 25 year old to sleep with you... shoot, that should have your nose wide open.

    But I must admit, there were times when me and my friends were on the porch, and he'll come around. He wouldn't hang with us, only fool with that yard, but you could tell he wanted to hang. Hmmm... So you may have a point.

    @ATLien Nikki...

    LOL @ "in the dark we all look the same".

    I got question to follow that up with. But I am too coy and innocent to ask.

    LOL!!!

    Free food and shelter. Uh, is it worth it??

    @That Original Oldgirl Chele...

    Girl, I LOOOOOOOOOVEEEEED my 73 nova. It was exactly like the one pictured in this post, with the moon rims and all that. I bought it from my Uncle Sean for 650 bucks. It had a house speaker and a bootleg mexican cassete player. NO air conditioner! Had a big hole in the floor board, so I could see the street beneath my feet.

    I LOVED THAT CAR!!!

    *Lee wailing hard because she doesn't have it anymore*

    @2nd 68...

    *******crickets*******

    Please don't say you got busy with an old lady!! PLEASE!!! OH LAAAAAAAWWWWWD!!! PLEASE!!!

    Humph. You must've REALLY liked this post. LOL!!

    I don't see anyone whooping you upside the head with pots and pans! Shame on you for talking about poisoning the old peoples. SHAME!!!

    (Shame on you for doing an Old Lady!)

    Yes, you deal with the rest of the concubines... I will stay in the kitchen and cook, i.e., DO NOT TOUCH ME.

    lol

    @Ms. Behaving... Shudders ain't the word. Try dry heave. Especially when she was trying to run up on my man. THAT wasn't happening. NO!

    Now, I knew the walls were thin, even though they were cement, but I had enough respect to keep things chill when I did MY thing. She could've done the same.

    LOL!!!

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  12. I could see why he'd stay...he didn't have to work, she obviously took care of him financially and most likely even gave young dude three squares a day.

    I am gagging that they had such an active and LOUD sex life.

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  13. Don't touch? Wha? What you mean? And technically you are the old lady (almost) in The Harem so it would be reasonable that you would be high up in the list right? I mean if the assumption that I like old stuff is correct...

    (If you nice I may tell the story...)
    But don't go being all loose lipped...

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  14. @Opinionated Diva...

    Yeah, she did all that. I hope he was able to keep dodging that knife in the process.

    Thank goodness I moved away!!

    @2nd 68...

    YOU WRONG FOR THAT ONE!!!

    You should do a post on your cougar issha. Seems as if every young man has a story. It would be quite interesting to hear yours.

    And I hope she wasn't 75 years old. Really.

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  15. This was hee-larry-ous! But don't be hating on old ladies getting some! We should all be so lucky one day. :)

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  16. @Carleen:

    I ain't hating on that Old Lady! She was gonna catch a beat down if she ran up me, though. Really!

    Carleen, I could NOT be that age and have a man so young. I would be high stepping, my nose high in the air, talking MUCH trash, like:

    "Don't you wish you could be like me??"

    LOL!!!

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Slap the *crickets* out the way, kindly step up to the mike, and SAY something!!