Those Crazy Cougars Part IV (Final): "She Put the 'Cou' in Cougar"

for part one of this story, click here.

Man...

I tell you.

Having a 75-year-old woman with a 25 year old "Boy Toy" living next door was a conversation piece for quite some time. Especially since they were quite "active". Let's just say that I slept in the living room on my couch sometimes. Our bedrooms shared a wall. Their lovemaking would wake me up at night, and gross me out at the same time.

Something else occurred that really disturbed me:

They fought A LOT.

I mean argued down!

I could hear all that, too. It was moreso the dude defending himself, yelling "I ain't cheating on you!!". Ms. Mary would throw stuff at him. I could hear pots and pans clanking against the wall.

They were getting on my nerve. Big time. I couldn't call the cops, because they would know who called. As long as they stayed on their side of the duplex, whatever.

I couldn't worry about it. I was in school, had a hectic schedule, and even teaching a lab class one evening a week. I had talks to prepare, research to do, amongst other things.

I was not going to concern myself with their mess.

Until. . .

One day I was heading out the door to school. I wasn't going to walk to school that day because I had a 5 hour lab class to teach that night, and wouldn't be in until 11 o' clock that evening. So I decided to drive my beloved 73' Nova, and pay the three dollar parking fee. As usual, I would walk to the parking deck with some of my students from the lab class. (Gotta be safe, ya'll!)

The dude was outside, tidying up the yard as usual. He spent MUCH time doing this. I thought he should go get a dayum job, but like I said, ain't none of my business.

I said hello. He said hello.

He watched me walk to my car. (That in itself bothered me a bit).

"Good," he said. "You're driving. I think I'll go head on and cut this grass."

"Sounds good," I said. I was hoping that wasn't some sly remark for me to move my car. They didn't have a car, and they never had visitors, i.e., the driveway was MINE!

Okay. That was the extent of the conversation.

I got in the car, and the dude went to the screen door on the side of their place, that led into the kitchen. He opened the door and jumped back, a look of fright clouding his face.

"Idiot," I said to myself. "Musta saw a bug or bee. Got the nerve to jump. Idiot."

(I was in a FOUL mood that day, lol. Can't remember why, just knew I was).

Anyway, the next day, I'm out on the porch, talking on my cordless phone, and dude comes out the house. I got off the phone, and was about to go into my place.

"Hey," he said.

I said hello.

He looked back and forth up and down the street. "She real mad at me."

I didn't say anything. I was tripping that this dude was even talking to me.

"Yesterday, when she saw me out here talking to you, she got all mad. I tried to walk in the kitchen through the screen door. She had this big butcher knife in her hand." He raised his hands to show me how big it was. "She threatened to kill me."

I just stared at him. I was part tripping because this dude was talking to me and part suprised because he stuck around after that old broad threatened him like that."

"She thank me and you got something going on."

"What the f*** are you talking about?!" I yelled before I could even think about it.

He was stunned. "Oh, I know we ain't fooling around. I told her that, but she don't believe me!"

He had the nerve to looked scared.

"Man, you better talk to that old lady. Because if she say anything to me, she getting her a** kicked."

"Naw'l, I don't think she will say anything to you."

I looked around. "Where she at right now?"

"Oh, she gone shopping. She won't be back for awhile."

I'm still thinking, Why is this dude talking to me?

"Let me tell you something," I said. I pointed at my car. "If I come out here and my car windows are busted, or my tires are slashed, that b*tch going to jail. You better get some control over her. I don't care how old she is, she getting locked up tonight!"

He nodded.

I meant what I said, too. My Nova - it might as well have been a benz. That's how much I loved my car. And she seemed like the type to want to try to slash tires in the middle of the night.

I went in the house.

There was more fighting over there. Pissed me off because I needed to study.

Ms. Mary never said anything out of the way to me. When I'd walk up to my front door, which was right next to hers, she'd get up and walk to the screen door and stare.

One day I was like... "You got a damn problem or something?" I gripped my book bag in my hand. It was heavy and full of books. If she came outside, I was prepared to knock her upside the head.

She wouldn't say anything. She'd retreat back and slam the door.

Good. Because, like I said, I respect the elderly, but she would've caught a servere beatdown just for thinking I was messing with her "boy toy". The Horror!!

That dude didn't say much to me after that. And when he did, I would remind him to check his woman. And I was loud enough so she could hear me. Between myself and my best friend LadyTee, we were going run up on her if we had to.

I'm not sure what happened with that cougar Ms. Mary and that young man. I moved away abuot 6 months later. (Moved in with my man, waaaay out in Smyrna, which was stupid!).

But it made me wonder...

What would cause her to be THAT paranoid?

And what would cause him to stick around and be abused like that? I mean, I'd go live under a bridge before I allowed someone to pull knives on me, and throw stuff at me... Who could be that desperate?

Hmmm....

Makes me not even want to consider that ol' cougar lifestyle.

LOL.