Notes on Depression

I was asked by a new reader to post up my notes on depression, an area that is the topic of the Sundays sermons at my church for the rest of the year.

I was a tad bit confused about this, as this is the Christmas season... I expect some Christmas sermons, you know. But I suppose that this is a time of year where some people have a difficult time. I myself don't care for the holiday season, so I suppose there are people out there who get really down during this time.

So, I am posting my notes. This looks to be an overall general introduction, and things will be dealt with in more detail on other Sundays (thats how things usually go).

I will give my personal thoughts and how it affects me afterwards.

Notes on Depression

Do you go to bed sad and wake up sad?

Have you felt sad for so long that it hangs over your head like a dark cloud?

If so, you're probably depressed.

Definitions of Depression:

1. The result of external pressure getting in our heart and weighing it down.
2. Feelings that come from thinking thoughts that weigh you down.

Depression resides in your soulish realm (your mind, intellect and will).

Symptoms of Depression:

1. Reclusiveness - withdrawing from reality; becoming a hermit or antisocial.
2. A passive mind - matters of life have become unimportant to you; instead of thinking progressively and aggressively, you just don't care; things that use to matter to you, just don't matter anymore.
3. Magnification of Difficulties - turns conditions into major problems; having a tendency of turning a molehill into a mountain.
4. Lack of concentration - occurs when your mind jumps from one place to another, like a bird jumping from branch to branch.

Effects of Depression:

1. Steals your ambitions
2. It's an enemy of your faith
3. Can lead to physical illness
4. Guilt
5. Jealousy
6. Hostility

(The last two affect people around you).

Causes of Depression:

1. Trauma - something that brought sorrow or disappointment into your life.
2. Disappointment -results from unfilled expectations.

A better attitude to have and develop: "I expect nothing, but I am deeply appreciative."

3. Rejection - the feeling of not being accepted; a result of seeking your self-worth and approval from people.

[Self-worth is a combination of the opinions that people have of you, combined with your ability to perform at a level that makes other people happy.

This is a lie, and a bad definition. People change. They love you one day, and will hate you the next.

The true definition of self worth is the sum total of God's love and God's acceptance of you.]

4. Physical illness/sickness can cause depression, especially if you've had it for awhile.

Depression is real, even in biblical times: see Psalms 40, Micah 7:1-7 (Micah reference from previous week's notes).

Things to do to pull out of the depression:

1. Work on thinking different thoughts.
2. Face the issue, starting with being honest with yourself (Psalm 51:6)
3. Start speaking to your mountains.
4. Take authority over depression
5. Allow your spirit to speak.

Personal Thoughts

What I usually do with Church notes is really comb through them and see if anything said is applicable to my life. For example, I had a really bad day on Friday and went to church on friday evening, took 3 pages of notes, and I can count about 10 things in there that basically get to the gist of my personal isshas, and I have to spend time scarfing back through there, and taking action concerning such.

I did the same thing here. Although I didn't think this depression thing applied to me.

Or does it?

With regard to the questions posed in the beginning of the notes, I must say that I don't go to bed sad, or wake up sad. There's no dark cloud hanging over my head, either. But I have felt like that at times during my 39 years of life. So no, I am no stranger to depression.

There have been different times of my life that have weighed my heart down. I've detailed much of that here on my blog: a failed marriage, no relationship with my mother, death of my good friend. I can think of others, but those are what come to mind immediately.

I do understand the mention of depression residing in your soulish realm, i.e, your mind - which houses my intellect, emotions, and will. Those are things affected. For myself, there has a difference between things that go on in my spirit and in my mind. I think my spirit has kept me from falling into despair, and recovering or accepting what is going on.

For myself, I am a bit concerned about those symptoms of depression. I look at different areas of my life, and in general I am pretty happy with life. I have good friends, and I have a lot of interests.

But... there is one area of my life that truly bothers me when it comes to those symptoms described.

My job.

A year ago or so, I remember sitting on the edge of my bed, my head in my hands, praying, asking God how in the world am I suppose to survive in a pit of such depression and rebellion? I mean it's like a huge spirit of depression and a spirit of rebellion hover over the place. It's very mysterious to me, the level of depression and rebellion, each existing together. Very odd, mysterious indeed.

And I feel as though I am swimming against the tide...

And a hard Hawaii 5-0 wave is coming. And I'm fighting an undertow.

EVERYONE is depressed on my job. EVERYONE is unhappy. It is getting more disturbing by the day. I myself am more annoyed than anything, but lately employees have been describing problems that I can't even fathom.

We need better words than low morale to describe the dire situation.

The problem is the words haven't been invented yet.

I think you can tell (I know I can), that I am NOT happy with my job. It is wearing my mind down something terrible. Pondering the symptoms above, it really bothered me. My mind is very passive concerning my job. I magnify difficulties. I REALLY suffer from a lack of concentration.

I don't feel like that this is caused much by me. We have a very poor management, whose sole purpose appears not to affectively manage, but to drive the place completely into the ground.

Now, I have lupus, and depression is one of the major symptoms. This is more an effect of the cognitive/central nervous system than anything. My doctor has been happy that I haven't displayed this. I like my life in general.

She is concerned about the effects of this job on me. We talk about it. I have been stressed the last 3 months, something terrible. It has affected me physically, i.e., I've lost a lot of hair (didn't have much from the get go). She strongly enforced my 8 hour workdays (I use to work 10-12 hours a day). Plus I'm required to keep copius plans, list, and notes of everything I accomplish every day. She requires me to set goals for my day. This has afforded me a much better concentration. But I have to work on it real hard, and when I don't, it's like a house of cards falling down.

She, as my doctor, is a better boss to me than my own boss. That is a shame. But at the same time, I am grateful for that.

I can relate to those effects of depression listed above... the lost ambition and such. It is definitely an enemy to my faith, and if I'm not careful, I do understand that it can all be drowned out. I can't relate to the guilt, jealousy or hostility. I've worked toward not feeling guilty about stuff. I am not jealous of folks. I have a hostility issue, only when someone is trying to get over on me or is hostile towards me (trust me, I'm working on that). But I never initiate hostility.

The whole trauma and disappointment angle is interesting. Trauma absolutely knocks me off balance, as it does anyone. I think that it's not only the trauma that's an issue, but the RESIDUAL affects of said trauma that's the ultimate problem. The residual effects are residue-it stays around for a long time. I have to work hard on scrubbing away that residue. I find that I can come out from under the dark cloud.

I wholly agree with the disappointment angle. I don't expect much from people. But when someone genuinely cares for me or takes thought of me, I am deeply appreciative. Very much so.

I think I learned long ago not to seek self-worth through other people. It's not really possible. People change. I do understand though that this is an area, the area of acceptance and rejection, that can lead to depression. We see that every day. I learned a long time ago that God loves me, and it's all good, and I best get busy accepting myself and who I am. Period. Acceptance of God's grace and love is crucial, and of course that is all faith based. But I know many folks who think God hates them and is punishing them. Yeah... that's enough to depress a person, very deeply.

I did appreciate the scripture concerning depression, and I usually spend a bit of time seeking out more examples. One of the most effective examples that has meant much to me, especially since I've never heard anyone teach on it, is one I found a few years ago. It was a brief touch on the depression of Lot, as briefly mentioned in 2 Peter, chapter 2, and basically how his environment had him all discombobulated. That piece has had a profound affect on me because of the way it ended: God knows how to jump people out of depressing situations.

Finally, the issue of purposely doing things to pull oneself out of depression. Thinking different thoughts, well, that something that must be worked on, as the depressive thoughts have such a stronghold on your mind. That takes much work. Speaking to that situation, very actively, well, that is something that I plan to do. Looking back in my life, that has ALWAYS worked for me, as I have found nothing happens until my words and my thoughts are right. My mind starts charting a roadmap to the solution when that happens.

Most important right now is that verse of scripture, the last one mentioned in the notes. The Amplified version is given here.

Psalm 51:6 Behold, You desire truth in the inner being; make me therefore to know wisdom in my inmost heart.

Searching one's soul and being honest with oneself is all to important. I work hard on that one. Sometimes I don't like what I see, but at least I can say that I have set down and searched my heart and have been honest with myself. Only then can I ask God for the wisdom to know what to do next.

Then I must utilize that wisdom, and I must get focused and take appropriate action.

On purpose.

So that's where I am now.

This has been very cathartic for me. All things happen for a reason. Thanks Ms. Jennifer, new reader, for asking me to post my depression notes. I needed the courage to do so. I am eternally grateful to you, hon.

And these have been my notes, along with my longwinded thought. As always with Sunday scriptural issues, I like to end with a song. Here's one of my favorite songs, one I've posted before.

"Angels Watching Over Me"



Enjoy your Sunday... on purpose.