I meant to write a post earlier, but I've had such a long day that I came home around 7:30 pm tonight and went STRAIGHT to sleep. I've been up and about since 8:00 am this morning, and I've been running the streets all day with my best friend. I finally woke up around 11:15 pm, and that is fine. It still gives me a little time to write a final post of the year.
So it's the Final Friday Freestyles of the year.
Correction: It's the Final Friday Freestyles of my Forty-Fourth Year of life.
And that amazes me.
I remember being a little girl, or a teenager and talking with my friends and saying "In the year 2000, I will be 30 years old."
And it was so hard to fathom.
Never at that time would I even have thought what life would be like at age 30, let alone age 44. People in their 40s were old to me. And I've never been one of those people who can easily answer the question: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? In 10 years? In 20 years?
I don't know how to answer these questions with the bold veracity of many people I know. I always thought it meant that I didn't have hope for the future or something. But it doesn't mean anything.
The only question I can really answer is, where do you see yourself right now??
And I answer that question saying...
I see myself right here, right now... alive.
And that's all I can ask for.
I don't particularly think about the next 5, 10, or 20 years. That doesn't make me a failure or a loser. I just tend to think about now. Life turns on such a dime, bends on a hard curve at times. Life has it's troubles and triumphs. I just want to enjoy now. I don't want to worry about the future. I pray on my future and ask God to give clarity and to lead the way. He has thoughts towards me I can not even fathom. And He has planted seeds in my heart that will grow into great things.
So as I sit here typing, I know one thing:
44 was not like 34.
44 is not like 24.
And 44 sure isn't like age 14.
(Thank goodness for all that).
I have grown. I have changed. In some cases for the worst, but in most cases for the better. I have a deeper appreciation for right decisions, right prayers, and right friends and relationships. Right meaning just doing the right thing and having the right amount of impact and receiving and the right amount of blessings from others.
We are culturally conditioned to use the lives of others as a measuring stick for the progression and success of our own lives. I found that I have traveled far down the road from that concept... and I'm better for it.
This past year has been mental and spiritual territory has been greatly expanded, and I understand things about myself and my heart and about people far more than I ever thought I could. My thoughts and understanding of life is more abstract than ever and of course... I am better for it.
So as the final day of the fourty-fourth year of my life, I am better.
I am better.
And at age 45, I will get more better... and more better... and more better. However and whatever that means. I receive it.
That is my prayer.
And that is where I see myself at age 45.
So good-bye age 44.
It's been wonderfully well.
It's been super swell.
But I got's to go.
I got's to move on.
Thank goodness for that.
I am thankful to leave you, 44, and see and experience all that 45 has to bring.
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