I wanted to spend some time thinking about 45... what I have learned leading up to here. And what's going on currently.
1. I am much different than I was at age 30. I am much different than I was at age 35, the age at which I started this blog. I don't fly into panic mode when something goes wrong. I know that it is a temporary situation. Just like a hairdo. Temporary. And I think that comes with life experience. Things go wrong. And on the way to working through it, much is learned. Specifically, much is learned that can be used for the future.
2. My interests are very abstract these days. I am waaaaaay bored by what the masses are interested in. Last year, I spent time reading a bunch of books that really changed my perspective in some key areas of my life. My prayer life, beliefs, and trust in God is strengthened. I saw a whole slew of results based solely on that.
I get a bit excited about things, and unfortunately, I get the deer-in-the-headlights look when I discuss some deep piece of knowledge or enlightenment that has helped me. I was discussing with a friend, and she felt this way too, that it is rough when the pool of people you have to discuss things with gets smaller... and smaller.
So I have to dial back, keep things to myself. Lord have mercy, the things that I could post here on blog would have you O_o. But they make sense to me. They move me forward. But I want to keep this a fun and interesting spot. Never preachy. Never over-your-head. Just a good balanced spot. And much of what I learn is for my own learning. Yes, some will leak out on blog here and there, but you have to peer... closely.
You never know. I may surprise you. Like when I said how I read in a couple of spots that we live in 11 dimensions. And the implications that has. There's way more going on around us than we pick up on.
3. Personal writing is going strong. Well not my fiction writing. There's been a goal to pick up on that. And lo and behold, things are shaping up QUICKLY in that direction. Some help I need, specific help, is at hand. I just have to grasp it and hold on. Just like, some of the information I got at the writing workshop this weekend singed my eyebrows. Really.
But personal writing is what is going uber-strong for me right now. During a long holiday break, for instance, Christmas, I do a little personal hardcore journaling. 3 pages every morning when I first wake up. This is what's called Morning Pages. A brain dump before you even get the day started. It supposedly frees up your creativity. It was from a book entitled The Artists Way by Julia Cameron. It was a book my favorite author Tayari Jones had us going through over on her blog. I remember after a few days way back then, I told her... "Girl, I'm learning I have a lot of stuff going on inside," She said she did too.
And we need to know that, you know.
Well, this is going so well for me that I have challenged myself to do this the whole year. That' s going to be a doozy. That will be a little over 1100 handwritten pages by the end of the year. Oh my.
I hit page 170 yesterday.
I usually write about whatever happened the day before. I don't go back and read. I have a TON of interesting conversations, so my pontifications about those. I would say 90% of the time, those convos are the answers to some problems I prayed about recently. It gets really interesting when I write out of my subconscious. And I love when I write out of my spirit.
And I read recently that those morning writings, even for a shorter amount of time (3 pages takes me around 45 minutes to an hour), strengthens the immune system.
4. I need to become more aggressive in the workplace. Much more aggressive. It seems this new position calls for this.
And that is such a harsh angry word. And you know that is SO not me. That's like, too close to wanting to be validated to me. It skims real close to having self-esteem issues or something. And you can assume how I feel about that.
But it's a promotion, a new position, calling for a whole new tactic. I have to come up with a tactical plan. This is a more creative type position, so I have to do a lot of reading and I have to use more of this pure genius psyche of mine.
In other words, I must put on my tight fitting Dr. Parker sombrero. And my Dr. Parker neon pink hot pants.
5. I like to go back and look at my personal vision statement from time to time. I like to see where I have grown stronger in relation to it. Here it is.
"I am 100% healthy in my body, soul, and spirit. I acknowledge God in all my ways, and I seek Him before I make any decisions, big or small. I am a blessing to my family and to those that God sends across my path. I am an incredible asset to my friends. I am a good listener. I am an excellent employee, and I not only work hard, but I work smart. I take time to periodically evaluate myself, and I make changes accordingly. I stick and hold fast to the path God has charted out for my life. I accept and openly welcome constructive criticism, as I know it will help me become "a better me". I am a good steward, a fine manager over the finances He has blessed me with, to the point that God knows He can trust me."
That part in purple. Here and now, at age 45, I am mighty strong in that. And growing.
I didn't realize this, but I spend time each and every day, several times a day thinking about how I can be a blessing today, or if I have even been a blessing to someone today. And not a day goes by, in the past few years, where this is not the case. It is something I constantly think about. It is my mindset. Thank goodness for that.
Now the other parts are coming along. For me it's not a sprint, but more of a marathon.
A lifelong marathon.
And I hope that I grow in that vision, more and more each day, 'til it's time for me to be out.
So that's what I am thinking about now, at age 45. It's what I thinking of in terms of growth and growth potential over the next year. Over the next few years, even.
I wonder what 50 will look like?
I can't ponder that now. I will march onwards from here onwards to 46... and the future.
That's it for my birthday posts. I posted all I wanted to post up. So stay tuned for the Sweepstakes drawing tomorrow evening!