Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Boundaries, Boundaries...

Blogger Luv asked in the comments of the last blog post what my next book woukd be.

I usually read a couple of books at at time, so I'd like to comment on one of my current books.

I'm reading the most fascinating book right now, one of a series, recommended by one of my beloved House of LadyLee readers, Jennifer.

It's from a series, really. Definitely NOT the one of the series I was looking to purchase, but it was the only one in the store by the authors.

Boundaries in Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend.

I figured I'd buy it and pass it along to one of you young peoples.

But I wanted to peruse it first.

I'm keeping this one.

This book is fascinating.


And I'm only on page 86.

So no, this isn't a book review.


I would like to post a couple of quotes that have knocked this Oldgirl's Nikes completely off her feets.

And I'll probably post a few more as I see them. They definitely explain some things I've thought about and am currently dealing with.

from page 56, in a section entitled "Struggles":

"Ultimately, if you don't know your date's spiritual struggles, you can't honestly say you know your date... if you are dating someone who says she [he] has never faltered or doubted, something is wrong. Either she [he] is in serious denial, or you need to wonder what she [he] is doing with you. No one grows without experiences of loss or failure."

Another quote from page 62, in the section titled "Difficulties in Living the Life" - Concerning areas in one's dating life where one has problems where they don't "Walk what they talk", i.e. sexual, deceptive, control isshas, immature ways of conflict resolution, etc. (that is, places where there is a painful split or contradiction between what one believes and what one actually does).

"Whatever the causes, there are spiritual answers to these conflicts, and the couple needs to be dealing with these. That is why you want to be dating someone who is not only of the faith, but is aware of his or her weaknessess and issues, and is in the process of working things out, whether it be in accountability groups, support groups, or counseling. A lifetime of marriage to a person with a character issue that has never been addressed can be very painful."

I think these quotes really stood out for me because as someone who has been married and divorced, I truly understand the crucial importance of being honest with one's self concerning character issues and doing everthing possible to acknowledge and work on them.

The whole discussion of internal spiritual struggles and spiritual splits in personality, and being upfront and acknowledging them, fascinated me.

I thought I was the only one who thought about these things.

Apparently not.

Fascinatung book so far...


  1. I remember you writing once about asking a date what was the last answered prayer they had. This would let a person know whether or not this date even communicated with God about their struggles. On one hand I can see asking these questions, but on the other hand I read another christian dating book that cautioned against getting emotionally and spiritually attached to people when you are just dating. For someone to be open with their indepth spiritual struggles, they'd have to be really comfortable with you and I don't think that is something that you would be able to learn about them early on.

  2. @Serenity... the authors share your concern there: "Also prematurely opening up about your struggles can be a problem."

    They talk about that in other sections, but uh, I can't find it. But that was addressed a few times.

    Ultimately, you better know and acknowledge what you're struggling with and be able to share it... and vice versa.

  3. Sounds interesting.

  4. WOW!....Hmmm...Hit my old southern boss used to say...Hollers...this one zinged me :0 -- to be discussed at a later time ;)

  5. Might have to add this one to the Kindle.

  6. yeah i am definitely writing this down on my book list.. let me know if you are still impressed when you get to the end..and thanks for answering me

  7. Wow...where was this book when I was young? Would have saved me from a lot of hell.

  8. Anonymous1:16:00 AM

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  9. Anonymous1:18:00 AM

    Cloud & Townsend are well known for their Boundaries series.

    I'm finishing "Who's Pushing Your Buttons?: Handling the Difficult People in Your Life" by Townsend book and DVDs. It's powerful stuff, and might I add life changing. I'll be sharing some excerpts as well that I've shared with folk through email.

    On my book list is "Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life."

    Congratulations on taking charge and being committed to your own growth!


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