Thursday, May 03, 2012

Food for Thought: Love, Trust and Baggage, Part III

"And when it comes to love and trust of others... difficulties abound."

Hmmm... Love and Trust should be easy. But why isn't it.

A lot of why it isn't so simple is because many of us have baggage. We once loved someone, and we trusted them, and that thing went horribly wrong in some way. So we bring all that into the next relationship. Not consciously, but subconsciously.

I've looked at my life, and have come to that conclusion.

So with that in mind, some interesting subject matter on the issue of love and trust came up in one of the Friday evening bible studies. And interestingly enough it was based on a piece of scripture out of the book of Genesis.

Genesis 2:25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not embarrassed or ashamed in each other's presence.

Strange place to base a sermon on. But we were going over respect for a marriage covenant, and how being able to be "emotionally naked" with a person will determine the strength of that relationship.


To be emotionally naked means to not be embarrassed or ashamed to reveal your true feelings to someone. And you are revealing yourself and your heart to them, without fear of them using it against you.

With that said, emotional nakedness requires trust. And a lot of it.

Minister Cory stressed that the first and foremost place where there should be emotional nakedness is within a marriage relationship. This is a place where there should be no shame, no fear to expose who you truly are with no fear of rejection, but with the expectation of protection.

I thought about my own failed marriage. Let me tell you, I was NOT emotionally naked there. No way man. Self preservation was key. And of course, things failed.

I had and still have a lot of old emotional baggage. It is more likely for you to walk down the street and find a bag of money than it is for me to share with you my hurts, my pains, my mistakes, my self disappointments, my fears, my failure, or my dreams... it's not going to happen. I've slipped up here and there, and was surprised that I didn't get shut down. (Although these people may have been silent, I know they were like "what the...?" lol).
You wouldn't BELIEVE the flack I get for having a bad day. Everybody has a bad day. Why ain't I allowed to have them, and when did it become a requirement for me to explain myself?

Don't let me get to ranting. (Packing baggage back in the closet).

Yet emotional nakedness, is key. Especially for a woman. You know how emotional we are. And when we have to hold all that in, there's gonna be some issues.

Minister Cory said one should be able to share their thoughts with other believers in their church who they fellowship with. But you can't do that, because those are the main folks who will mess you over- put your business out there, backbite, gossip about you.

Sad, but true. We don't have much opportunity to be emotionally naked with people.

So with that said, herein lies the reason why I wrote these posts. I was thinking about the first quarter of this year and what I heard that has been really on my mind, and there were a few quotes I keep going back to and pondering. (Might be useful writing prompts, too... lol)

I wanted to remember some quotes from a couple of sermonsm Just in case I needed to come back and read them later.

"Only to the extent that I trust a person am I going to expose myself and my heart."

"To the extent that you are willing to expose yourself communicates, demonstrates, and exhibits the extent of your ability to trust."

"Love requires the freedom to expose yourself. Where we get hurt is when we expose ourselves to people who can't be trusted."

Those are some heavy, heavy statements. I won't ponder them much. I will leave them with you to think about. I'm interested in your thoughts on them.

I will be writing all night if I talked about them. I've said enough.

I think it gets to the root of why us with trust issues have trust issues.

I think at least 3 sermons were spent on this. He could spend the rest of the year on it. Digging down and getting to the root of things is the way to true healing.

Minister Cory starts certain sermons with a song, and the declaration of "This session is for married couples, so if you are single, you are free to be dismissed if you like."

No one moves.

I think what he has to teach on, especially the subject matter of the last 3 posts, are good mental and spiritual fodder for those who are married and those who are single.

So, that ends my food for thought on this issue. I hope I gave you something to think about. I've gotten some good texts and emails about it (why is that you all like to LURK so much? LOL).

I thought it was all worth posting so I can go back and ponder.

And so that you can ponder too.


  1. Baby girl, it's never a requirement for you to explain yourself. Those of us who love YOU. No explanation is ever needed.
    We all have baggage. Heck, my dad is giving me new

  2. Anonymous6:38:00 PM

    Been sorting thru my baggage...while fasting from TV... Trying hard to learn and not be driven by emotions..

    Dee in San Diego

  3. Minister Cory said one should be able to share their thoughts with other believers in their church who they fellowship with. But you can't do that, because those are the main folks who will mess you over- put your business out there, backbite, gossip about you.<---------I was JUST talking about this last night with a church member. It should NOT be this way!!!


Slap the *crickets* out the way, kindly step up to the mike, and SAY something!!