Wholeness Anyone?

A blog I tend to lurk around on these days is "A Go Bytch"

Bytch stands for Because You Thought Being Classy was Hard.

Well alrighty then!!

LOL! That is one helluva acronym right there!

Anyway, I really like her blog. It is very eclectic, honest, and I can always pick up a nice recipe or two!

She had a very good post entitled 8 hours plus the Weekend, about how even though we have time off, we spend that time doing for others (employers, friends, family) and putting our ownselves on the backburner. She talked about not having any hobbies, and wanting to get out and do some other things seperate from her friends.

I've been guilty of this my ownself a time or two. Especially in my younger years.

But her post made me think.

And I left my thoughts in the following comment:

You REALLY need to get a few hobbies... REALLY. I didn't crank up my hobbies until I was married, was unhappy and terribly lonely and needed something to do. I wish that I would've deemed that important earlier in my life, but when we are young (as you are now), we are so caught up in the rat race, trying to jumpstart careers, and in pleasing everyone else, that truly enjoying OURSELVES is a mere afterthought. We don't even realize until later in life that this a part of LOVING ourselves, the gist of which is obtaining something we all desire- a sense of wholeness.

Let's see, with my 8 hours plus the weekend, I tend to lean towards very quiet, therapeutic activities. I love to crochet, read, and write. My aunt is an amazing artist, and has taught me to paint with oils. I also like to draw.

I told my younger siblings some time ago that it is VERY important that, at least once per month, they should go and get involved in some activity that doesn't involve friends or family - just some valuable ME time doing something they really enjoy doing. This would give them some peace of mind, as it can be a time when they aren't accountable to anyone but themselves. (For example, my brother collects medieval swords, and he would go off every once in awhile scavenging flea markets alone).

One thing I know, many of the white folks I know got this down pact. I take writing classes at a local fine arts center. This place offers about 50 different reasonably priced classes, but I rarely see any of "us" (black folk) there. It is "us" that feel awkward about really getting out here and enjoying life.

So make it a point to do such. You'd really be glad you did!

I don't know, I just felt like that was important enough to share over here in the House of LadyLee. I tend to blog out of control in other comment sections, as is the case here.

One thing that struck me when I re-read that is how I felt when I was married. I think every marriage goes through its issues, and we are suppose to work through them, but that is one huge reason why I got divorced.

I was lonely.

And I found out later, that he was too...

He worked at night, I worked during the day, and on top of us just not getting along - well, stuff happens.

Who ever thought that you could be lonely and living with someone? I never thought such. Never thought much about that all. Granted, I was preoccupied with career and such. I had plenty of friends and family to lean on.

But, my goodness, these things do happen. A friend was expressing such to me a few months ago.
All I could say was:

"I hope ya'll work that out."

Hmmm... What do you say when someone expresses their loneliness?

I say, you better have a few hobbies or something, even before you tie the knot. You better know how to enjoy YOU.

Not even hobbies, really... You better be a whole person, and not looking to someone else to make you whole.

Now, there's a thin line between someone completing you, and you just straight up saying "if I could just get this man (or woman), life will be alright."

There's a difference. Big difference. And you should see it in that sentence.

I wish I would have worked on my "wholeness" when I was much younger. It is so important to be a "whole" person: a person who is sound in their body, soul, and spirit.

There are a load of definitions of wholeness. Yours may be different from mine, and that is cool.

Don't matter...

All I gotta say, whatever you do, work on becoming "Whole".

Be able to bring something to the table, instead of depending on someone to bring the table to you.

2nd 68 came up with a strange term that I just LOVE, and I will use it here...

An "Enjoy Today" Day.

Go and have yourself an "Enjoy Today" day. Go somewhere and enjoy yourself today.

And don't forget to Have a Good Weekend... on purpose.

I know I will.