Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Crazy Convos, Part II: Lipstick and Horsefeed

Yeah, yeah, yeah... another Tayari story.

"Why LadyLee," Blog family yells. "Why"
Because I'm a STALKER!!! I stalk Tayari.

She's found a decent way to deal with me, though.

I think I will just befriend her, she thinks to herself.


Somehow I got Tayari's phone number. I don't remember how. But I have her home phone number, her cell number, even her Mama and nem number. Not sure how that happen.

Anyway, she has my cell phone number too. And when the phone rings and her name comes up, for a long time, a couple years, there was a hard stare, followed by the widening of the eyes... soon followed by a gasp and and a yell of... "It's Tayari Jones calling me! My favorite author is calling me!"

I said this in the lab a few times. Other coworkers peered at me... curiously.

And for some reason, she tends to read my blog. So if she sees's something interesting, she won't leave a comment. She will just call. For example, I wrote a post about my exasperation over a fellow wanting to buy me a $500 dollar purse, and uh... what that might entail.

Tayari called me about it and figured out where I could get the purse. Interestingly I didn't really pay much attention to this 10 minute convo. I was spending my time trying to make sure I enunciate (if you know me in person, I am the most ebonically inclined Oldgirl in the world.) I was sitting at a computer trying my best to fool with a faulty program and pull data for some weird vegetable, grinning ear to ear. I hung up and whispered to a coworker "That was my favorite author. That was Tayari Jones. And we talked about pocketbooks."
Coworker peers at me... curiously... as I go into semi-hyperventilation mode.


Fast forward some three years.

I ain't all that starstruck with her. Her master plan of befriending the stalker LadyLee has worked wondrously. Me and my sister were having a convo about stalking, and how one of her friend's stalks a chick, and how it unnerves everybody. I said how I stalk Tayari Jones.

"That don't count, Lisa," my sister said. "It isn't the same thing. Tayari is like, our cousin or something. It don't count."


My sister Kentucky heard a few choice words from me that day. She kept hollering "What are you talking about, Lisa? It's not the same!"


Anyway, to the point of this story.

Tayari took some new photos, some publicity shots or something like that.

She told me about them. I was sitting in the cubicle area. Me and Cowgirl Cre pulled them up.

And the comments from the peanut gallery began.

We were very interested in the following picture, the one she uses now on twitter.

*CowgirlCre and LadyLee peering at the screen curiously*

CowgirlCre: Look at the pretty dress. It's yellow!
LadyLee: And what is that pattern, some flowers? *peering closely at the screen, taps pen on computer screen* No that's some dots or something. What is that?
CowgirlCre: Can't tell. But it's pretty. And it's all sunny outside. That's a good picture.
LadyLee: Sure is. And her hair is the bomb, too.

We continue pondering the picture.

LadyLee: Cre, check out that lipstick. That looks a little like the shade I wear.
CowgirlCre: What is that?
LadyLee: That's that plum or something like that. I like it darker. But that is close. Her's looks expensive, like it won't rub off.

At this time Coworker Hen-Dog walks up.

Hen-Dog: What ch'all doing?
LadyLee: Looking at some new photos of Tayari.
*CowgirlCre and LadyLee continue discussing the dress and the lipstick*
*Hen leans down and peers at screen over my shoulder and starts making cat-call noises.
LadyLee: What is your problem?
Hen-Dog: I like what I see. whooo!
*CowgirlCre and LadyLee frown up*
LadyLee: Ain't nobody thinking about that, boy.
Hen-Dog: I'm a man! I don't care about the dress and the lipstick. I'm looking at what's in the dress!
*CowgirlCre and LadyLee look back at Hen-Dog and frown up even more*
LadyLee: BOY GO AWAY. * lee shoves Hen-Dog back away from us*

LadyLee: I wanna know where she got that lipstick from!"
CowgirlCre: It is a nice shade.

Lee dials Tayari's phone number.

LadyLee: Hey Celie, what's up!? We're looking at your new pictures. They are nice!
Tayari: Thank you, Nettie!
LadyLee: Check it out, girl. What kind of lipstick you wearing and where you get it from?

An interesting conversation about lipstick and chestnut lipliner ensued. And something about the MAC counter at the mall. I was a bit O_O because it sounded expensive.

My lipstick cost 99 cents, and I get it from the Chinese people store. Tayari's lipstick cost muuuuuuuuch more than that, and you have to add the price of the chestnut lipliner on to that.

Tayari: Just go to the mall. The MAC counter at the mall.

I have heard of MAC. My little blog sister Serenity23 seems to spend much time there.

LadyLee: Honey, I don't go to the mall.
Tayari: Well send CowgirlCre. She'll get it for you.
*LadyLee giggles HARD*

I am a tomboy. Not going near the mall. CowgirlCre is semi-tomboy with girlie tendencies from time to time. But she ain't going to the mall either. CowgirlCre trying to ride a horse, man. No mall shopping. We are Wal-mart chicks!

Convo continued, with Tayari trying to convince me of this.

It was toooo funny. (Okay, you had to be there.)

I told CowgirlCre of this. Of course she frowned up.

"Me going to the mall?" CowgirlCre uttered in disbelief. "That's like me asking her to go to buy some horsefeed!"

LOL!!! That was funny!

(okay, you had to be there. Us... imagining the girly Tayari walking out of a store with horsefeed. LOL!!!!!!!!)

I had an interesting idea. I looked over my shoulder... Hen-Dog was over in his cubicle.

LadyLee: Hen-Dog!
Hen-Dog: Yo!
LadyLee: When you go to the mall, can you get some lipstick for me?
Hen-Dog: Sure can!


Hen-Dog... He's the type of brother you can send to the store to get tampons and pads. He don't care. Just happy to help if you in need. And the next time he was at the mall, he could roll up in the MAC store and purchase some lipstick and liner.

That was all funny to us. Nope, I never got the lipstick. But it is amazing how Tayari can engage me in a convo about purses or lipstick. She is the ONLY one who can do that... It's like she's telling a wonderful story or something. She makes it interesting.

So one day, I will get my lipstick... I will go to the mall.

And maybe we can talk Tayari into stopping by the feed store and getting CowgirlCre's horse some horsefeed.


  1. umm, can you order it online? ;-)


  2. Her hair is the bomb dot com! And I don't know what y'all have against the mall. I practically live there.. Well I did but now I'm on a spending freeze so I have no need to go.

  3. @love.joi and Sugargirl... DUUUHH... didn't even think of that. That convo was a year ago. We were still stuck on "We not going to the mall!"


    Looking at the site now. $20 for lipstick. $13 dollars for the pencil. O_O EXPENSIVE!

    *throwing self out of window*

    I may have to stick with my 0.99 cent lipstick.

    Serenity3_0... The mall is soooo... 1983-1988. If I go, I will go to one of the anchor stores. That is it!


  5. I tend to keep out the mall myself. I go if it's my LAST resort. Now online shopping??? Chile I am a mean online shopper!!

  6. LMAO.To be a fly on the wall on y'all cubicle wall.

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