Seems like it comes around every other day. Ugh.
I ain't in the best mood this morning. I almost got the notion to take the day off. Or at least half a day.
Not going to do that. Going to work my normal 10-6:30 shift. The job has been quiet. We have a very congenial interim supervisor. He walks around checking on people and their progress. It is very odd not to be treated like crap. He's getting his doctorate in public health administration right now and is learning what a good manager is suppose to do. (We have had convos in the past about it. We were both amazed about what you could learn from a book on such.)
Ahhhhh refreshing. Having to learn how to not be in defensive mode. Someone actually cares and wants to be of help. WOW.
I don't want to talk about work. It is what it is. I am thankful for my good gub'ment job.
Anyway, I had a good start to my weekend. Ended in confusement and a need for me to rearrange my priorities STAT. That means immediately. And well, that's a good thing.
On Friday night I met one of my readers Jennifer, who has been reading the House of LadyLee for going on a couple of years. She doesn't have a blog, but just reads.
Now, I've wrote about her before. She appeared out of nowhere and asked me to put up some church notes that I mentioned in a post. This had me a little O_o because that was odd. Who on earth cares about church notes? Who the heck ask for that?
"Uh-oh," I said to myself. "Must be an angel."
There is that verse that says be careful how you deal with strangers... you might be entertaining angels. You don't know.
So of course I put up my notes. Worked out well for all. And we talked much over email. I'd gone through some things she was dealing with and I could offer a listening ear and some advice.
Still thought she wasn't real. I was on my bestest behavior. Maybe an angel is hiding in the bushes in my front yard, pecking away on a laptop.
There's times in my life where I find out what's in my heart, and if I believe what I really believe. And she has been a cornerstone in establishing that for me. And so she probably helped me more than I helped her.
She friended me on twitter. There was a picture of her. I am thinking, Hark! She IS real.
So I met her on Friday, had dinner down at Copelands in trendy Atlantic Station. Oh what a nice time we had. I think I was bit too talkative. I was just excited to meet her, man. Really excited. It's always nice to meet someone who likes my blog. These are my ramblings, sometimes useful, sometimes mindless. My blog isn't a popular blog (thank goodness for that), so I can do what I want to do without pandering to the masses. It was just nice to meet someone who it helped.
Made me feel alright.
Additionally, her profession involves something that I had been on my mind concerning some of my personal challenges. She advised me on how to deal with it, an avenue to look into it. Mind you, it was something that I don't discuss with anyone because folks just don't understand. But now I have a path to look into, for something I really want to do, but just didn't know how to go about it. She opened that up for me.
Wow, what a blessing.
And that is what I need to focus on. The word of the week is FOCUS.
Focus Focus Focus.
You know, all my life, just growing up, I've been very private about my feelings and expression of them. I know my best friend, who has been by my side for over 30 years always says "Lee, I have to drag things out of you."
Reason for that: my feelings haven't been important. I think the last time she and I discussed what was bothering me deep inside was a good three years ago when someone said something extremely hurtful about me and it circled back my way. Hard when you hear what people think of you... when you thought they were your friends. Hard and hurtful.
Got over it. Didn't know why I talked about it that day. It's happened since then. Hasn't bothered me much.
But it bothers me that I have a tendency to keep my heart and feelings to myself. Been cut down to often for having those feelings. I tend to pray about it. God listens. And you wouldn't believe how fast the situation gets taken care of or cleared up. I get the most interesting answers. I mean on a consistent basis. There is NO way I should've been sitting at a table on Friday night with someone who could educate me on a certain matter and what I needed to look into.
Or is it?
Makes me understand to live in expectation. I matter. What is going on in my heart matters. And it makes me thankful for my morning confession during my prayer time each morning of "God, You perfect those things that concern me."
With that said, some things went down last night that I needed to circle back around and smooth out and apologize for in private. I was again, dealing within my own privacy, and got caught up in some convo that was uh... let's just say, I don't like the appearance of being part of anything that is group mentality based. I said some things and I had to explain myself. Hope my apology was accepted. It was coming from a root of some thoughts and emotions that I am dealing with privately.
At the same time, I considered the whole thing a bit uncomfortable considering some personal things I deal with privately. I just don't have the luxury to worry about certain things, and I don't take kindly to being lectured on such. I have a whole set of personal circumstances that I have to be concerned about and stay focused on.
Yes, I know this is a bit convoluted. Just me talking aloud. I have to get back to the point... and that is FOCUS. Focus on what is important. No, I'm not apart of the crowd. Don't care to be. Never have been. As a result, I don't get confused about who I am as an individual and you can pick me out of the crowd. I am 41 years old, an individual, with my own individual choices, just like the next person. And at the same time, people's approval is in the same category as desperation to me: it is NOT an option.
So I have to make sure, on a daily basis, that my priorities are straight and that they stay straight and focused on taking care of me. Stay away from things that can turn strange... stay away from things that honestly don't matter in my world.
Well I know you are like "OH goodness, LadyLee keep it smurfy."
Well I have my nonsmufy moments. This is one of them. I feel okay this morning and I'm just going to keep it moving.
Video of the week. I like this song here. But my Mama always laughed at me because when the group would come on TV, I would turn up my nose and say...
"Here comes those Alley People, who look like they just came out an alley."
This tickled my mother to no end. It was funny that I was so disturbed by them. They weren't alley folk. I just didn't like the way they dressed. They were good singers. I remember loving their music.
Ashford and Simpson's "Street Corner".
Oh what a cheesy video. I thought it was high technology back in the day, lol...
I like that it's a cautionary tale with a message. If we made better choices to do what's right and consider the cost of doing what's wrong then we could save ourselves much trouble.
I know I would have.
Anyway, I just remember sitting in front of the TV watching them on Soul Train, snapping my fangers and hunching my shoulders and cheesing hard.
That makes me smile. I need to smile this morning. And that makes me smile.
With that, you all have a great week... I will do the same. On purpose, and with FOCUS.
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