Fathers Day...

Good Sunday Morning... from my bed. I am suffering from a slight head cold this morning, so I decided to just stick around the house and take it easy. Drink plenty of fluids and not overdo anything.

I was looking through a prayer book I recently purchased entitled My Daily Psalms and Prayers. It gives a prayer for each day of the year, based on a bible verse from the book of Psalms. I like this book because it's not all angelic and lovely. It touches upon real life problems, habits, and concerns.

The subject of the June 17th prayer was fathers.

I thought I would post it here, and give my thoughts on it.

Psalm 68:5 Father of orphans and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation

With all the Father's Day ads, I think of you, the Father of all creation. Yet I realize that there are all kinds of fathers in the world. Some are absent or abusive; some are distant and demanding; and some are caring and giving. When some people think of you as a father, fear and anger consumes them. But here the Psalmist calls you 'father of orphans'. For anyone who needs a good father, you step in. Whatever failings any earthly father has, you make up for that earthly father. There is genuine fatherly love available to us all. Thank you my 'heavenly dad.'"

I thought that was a nice prayer.

It is something else how the word "father" can elicit a wide range of emotions. We all have had fathers, and the verse above describes the plethora of thoughts which spring to mind: distant, demading, absent, abusive, caring, giving.

And in that range, I see something... our lives can be shaped by that.

Mother's Day reeks complete havoc on my heart moreso than Father's day. My mother is an emotionally unavailable woman, and I don't have a relationship with her. Same with my Father, but for whatever reason, it doesn't bother me as much. I think they are good people. It's not that I am worthless to them, it's just that parenting isn't their thing. I don't hold that against them. I am here now, and I have my on path and purposes in life.

But I recently met with my father some two years ago when I was 39. It was one of those life goals things, something that I put on a bucket list of sorts.

"Before I die, I want to talk to my father."

My goal was to do this by the age of 30, but I was chicken. It took 9 years and much courage to do so. I called him a couple of times over the years, but there was no convo. I think it was such a shock that he didn't know what to say. I sent him a note in the mail of wanting to meet with him with no expectations, just to meet him. He ended up calling and I detailed the going-ons of it all in several posts (Crazy Convos with my father and Face to Face with my father).

That was an interesting meeting, albeit only fifteen minutes or so. I learned much about myself through convos with him. I am a quiet individual. I get that from him. I tend to be a loner. I get that for him. I have an interesting sense of humor. He has the same. And I hate being a bother to people. He is the same.

I have only seen him once since then. His brother Willie died, and I attended the funeral. (See A Most... Humble Occasion and A Most... Humble Occasion, part II). I sat in the back of the church. It was amazing to see so many people that look like me. I guess I never really thought about such things.

I think that one of the most important moments of my life was shaking his hand and telling him that I was sorry about his brother. He was so shocked to see me, he wouldn't let my hand go. The man had tears in his eyes. That was just way too... I don't know. I ain't use to eliciting that type of emotion from anyone.

So today on father's day, no, I won't call him. Saying Happy father's day to a man trying his best to deal with his past concerning his only child seems... inappropriate. I think of him daily. Pray for him daily. Hope he comes to terms with his life. I've learned from him to work hard now, while I am relatively young, to come to terms with the issues of my own life, as I don't want them to haunt me.

Today I don't holler the statuses resulting from hurt and pain that are being placed on Facebook or Twitter. Thank goodness that I'm not on those anymore, only rarely.

I do agree with the prayer above... when I think of a father, I think of a range of things... demanding, distant, absent, abusive, caring, giving.

I think these actions are characteristic of not only fathers, but of human beings in general.

I see them in my ownself.

I hope my father is well today. I know he thinks of me as I think of him. I hope he comes to terms with it all, as I myself continue to do.

I just wanted to post my thoughts on today. My own words.

Happy Fathers Day to all the fathers of the world, including my heavenly Father.

Make it a great day... on purpose.