"I am always impressed by the fact that even the tiniest amount of being listened to, the barest suggestion of the possibility of kind treatment, can bring such an immediate rush of emotion. I think this is because we are almost never really listened to. In my work as a psychologist, I am reminded every day of how infrequently we are heard, any of us, or our actions even marginally understood. And one of the ironies of my "listening profession" is its lesson that in many ways, each of us ultimately remains a mystery to everyone else." (The Sociopath Next Door, Martha Stout, page 141)For some reason, I found that quote to be profound. I've been thinking about it for the past couple of weeks. It didn't have much to do with the book, as the writer was only listening to a patient, but the quote is chocked full of reality.
It the above sentence, I wrote "only listening".
And for myself, I understand how in just writing that sentence, how the art of listening is taken for granted. Most want to be heard, but not many want to simply hear.
It is hard to find people out there who listen. Many want to stand out, want to be heard. But how many times do we run into good listeners?
And that is something I want to be: A good listener. It is a part of my vision statement, where there is a sentence that states "I am a good listener."
And that quote made me go back and look at my vision statement, and think about whether I have improved in my ability to be quiet and just listening. I think I've gotten better but I still have pretty far to go.
But back to the quote... Other things that have me pondering:
1. We are almost never listened to.
2. Our actions aren't even marginally understood.
3. Each of us ultimately remain a mystery to everyone else.
I think I understand from that quote above that the root of a lot of our issues is that no one really listened early on in life... As a result, our actions, our acting out, isn't really understood.
At least that is how it was for myself growing up... and even now, I rarely open up and talk and show my heart, out of fear of rejection.
So as a result, because of my own pain over the years, I am a very good listener, and I have learned to appreciate the words of others, even if I don't agree with them.
It's amazing how that quote made me think on such things.
Hmmm. I wonder.. and continue to ponder.
.png)
I want to be heard, but I know there have been times no one listened to what I was saying. This aspect of my life makes it very difficult for me to ask for help even when needed. I listen when folks are talking because I am an observer and can learn so much about a person just by watching and Listening... sometimes what they want you to hear isn't in the words coming out of their mouths.
ReplyDeleteI think it's different for me. I was always listened to as a child. I remember talking my Aunt and Uncle's head off about whatever was on my mind and they listened. They acted like they respected my opinion and thought I was smart. I also listen to Tyler. I even seek out his opinion on things, specifically what is going on at school, in the community, with family, etc. I let him know his thoughts matter but I also like to hear him flesh out the WHY behind when he feels a certain way. I don't just want him rambling to hear himself talk but really think about why he feels a certain way about a thing. I sure hope I'm setting him up to be a confident adult.
ReplyDeleteActive listening has become passive so to speak. Most folks go through the motions until it is their time to speak. SMH. The attention spans of many electronically overloaded mind are short. Many want Twitter conversations crammed into 140 characters or less.
ReplyDeleteWhether it is written or spoken the art of conversation has become antiquated for many. No talking on the phone. No taking the time for feedback just a rush to read or hear and move on.
I admit my attention span is shorter. I do try and listen for meaning and express what I have received when I can. My late bestfriend as good at listening and remembering when we talked on the phone. I miss that. He was the one person who took his time to listen and even give feedback on what I said.
I tend to have folks who like to open up and share their feelings, opinions etc. I tend not to give advice and if asked tread lightly. I understand some folks need to vent and like when they have someone to listen.
I could go on and on because it is a pet peeve of mine at work how folks don't take the time to listen. *jumping off soapbox*
I'm a good listener. Think it's because I don't really talk alot unless I really know you. So I will let you talk and listen. Listening to someone can sometimes tell you about a person
ReplyDeleteI don't feel I really had a voice growing up. It still effects me to this day and I'm constantly working on this. Most times people are formulating what they want to say back while someone is talking instead of truly listening.
ReplyDeleteI'm a good listener. I'll talk freely when I'm comfortable with the person
ReplyDelete