And I mean everything...
Everything with me is about 2 things:
2 small words. Both only 6 letters long. But they pack much power. They're the reason behind world wars, murders, politricks, heartaches and heartbreaks... every betrayal known to man.
2 short words. Both only 6 letters long. But they are more dangerous than a loaded gun. They pack more deadly power than a nuclear bomb.
Responsible for everything I do... every single step I do make.
And let's hope they're good.
Good motives. Good agenda.
Sometimes they're bad.
Bad motives. Bad agenda.
And you know me. I love the shows Snapped, Law and Order, all that craziness...
And you know why?
Because it is all an exercise in the exposure of motive. One of the early questions always asked is "Who committed the crime, and what was the motive?" And then they go back and tell the whole story, trying to pinpoint where things went wrong, and what was the thing that caused the person to commit that crime. And then the whole plan, agenda, is laid out in court... and it has to be proven.
Motive. Agenda. Motive. Agenda.
Simple words. But they're more complicated than any machine.
Your Friendly Neighborhood Oldgirl is all about motive and agenda.
And if you've been lounging on the sofa at the House of LadyLee for any length of time...
You know how I do:
Gotta go look up my definitions in the dictionary, Mayne.
Motive: something that moves a person; an inducement, something that leads a person on; an incentive, something that inspires a person. Motive is applied mainly to an inner urge that moves or prompts a person to action, though it may also apply to a contemplated result, the desire for which moves the person
Agenda: A list or program of things to be done or considered; a plan of action
Very simple defiinitions. And everything with me is about those two things.
As usual, I like to relay a little scriptural reference. Just a couple of quick ones. There are plenty more, but two come to mind when I think of motive in particular.
James 4:2-3 (AMP)
You are jealous and covet [what others have] and your desires go unfulfilled; [so] you become murderers. [To hate is to murder as far as your hearts are concerned.] You burn with envy and anger and are not able to obtain [the gratification, the contentment, and the happiness that you seek], so you fight and war. You do not have, because you do not ask. [Or] you do ask [God for them] and yet fail to receive, because you ask with wrong purpose and evil, selfish motives. Your intention is [when you get what you desire] to spend it in sensual pleasures.
I Corinthians 4:5 (NLT) So don’t make judgments about anyone ahead of time—before the Lord returns. For he will bring our darkest secrets to light and will reveal our private motives.
Another version of that verse: ...When he comes, he will bring out in the open and place in evidence all kinds of things we never even dreamed of—inner motives and purposes and prayers.
My oh my, I just found out the reason why a prayer may not get answered. Shoot, I found out the root to a whole bunch of crap in that James verse . That verse is bananas. Goodness gracious alive!
More interestingly, I found out what God's criteria is when He views me: He looks very closely at what is going on in my heart. VERY closely-- at my darkest secrets, my private motives, inner motives, purposes, prayer--- ALL DAT.
That word purpose is an interesting word.
It is synomymous with agenda. Is it not?
So if He's doing that... uh, then I better get the slack out and do it too, don't cha think?
THIS is the reason why I say everything with me is about my motives and agendas...
What is my motive behind doing or wanting certain things?
Are my motives good? Or are they bad, i.e., selfish in nature?
I spend MUCH private time thinking about this. I will spend all kinds of time journalling about it. All kinds of time.
You see because before I even THINK about going and praying about certain stuff, I spend time examining my motives and purpose for praying about it. It might take me a minute to figure out if I got bootleg motives, or I may have to spend time praying about what my motives are... before I even build up the faith to pray about the issue.
I hate to admit it, but sometimes I have to scratch praying about some things... because I have bad motives.
And until those motives turn right side up, and get right, then I let it go.
I may as well spend my time on praying for other people. That is MUCH better time spent.
Come on now, you all with kids... especially older ones. You know how you feel when your kids come at you sideways asking for stuff. Stuff that they probably know that they shouldn't be having. You're not gonna give it to them. Heck, they might wolf up and get mad at you, try to manipulate you. Yet you know if you give them what they are not ready for, it may be harmful or dangerous. May not be the right time for them to have it.
Or you may figure out a pattern of sorts: they only run up on you when they want something.
You know your children's hearts. And you know how you have a hand in training them up to be responsible individuals, to do what they do out of a good heart.
And you know it's your business to protect them. By any means necessary.
That's my experience with God. Uh, I learn REAL quick when I'm praying about something out of ulterior motives. I can tell you everything-the what, the why, the how- of why some of my prayers aren't answered. I've gotten to the point where I don't even bother praying about some things. I KNOW I got bad motives about certain things. I may write about one of those things later, but not now. (Yeah, I "hear" you wondering to yourself what I'm talking about, lol.)
Examination of the heart is everything. I myself must admit it is a very painful process at times. I don't like learning that I want something for selfish reasons.
But I've learned to take a little time, a little "me" time, and at least make an effort to be honest with myself.
That's the only way I can be honest before God.
That's the only way I can close my eyes and pray, and tell God, "Hey, uh, my heart ain't in the right place concerning this. I'm just letting you know. Please help me get my heart right on this matter, so I can properly pray about it. I want to pray about it, but I'm a bit shady concerning it. Can't quite put my finger on the issha, but I'm just letting You know. Shoot, I'm not all that sure about how I actually feel about the situation."
And a LOT of stuff happens real quick, to show me my heart on the matter. FAST.
Hey, I'm cool with that, the unraveling of the mystery of my motives, this mystery more complicated than any machine.
But when God examines all those things in my heart:
My private motives
My dark secrets
My inner urges
My resulting agenda
ALL OF THAT...
It's my hope that He will find something good and pure... Sometimes he doesn't. I'm not ashamed to admit that.
But He is a faithful sculptor, and my heart is an imperfect lump of clay. He chisels away the imperfections, the bad motives, all the messes, to reveal that which is good in me, that which He sees... His vision of the purpose and potential that He will mold me to fulfill.
That's where my faith and hope lay... especially as I step over into my 40th year.