Triple F Possee... ACTIVATE! *Lee throws up the FFF gang sign*
Sometimes, babes... it don't pay to be all financially savvy...
There's one thing that I pride myself on:
Not being all choosy when it comes to toilet tissha.
My sister, Kentucky, however, is not like me. She goes for that expensive Charmin.
Kentucky believes in being kind to her behind!
"I like good toilet tissue, Lisa. While in college, I could hardly afford it. These days, I rather just go ahead and buy the good tissue. For if I don't have anything else, I can always say to myself "Well, I have good toilet tissue!'"
*LadyLee staring wide-eyed at Kentucky, pondering whether to laugh or to pull out a violin and play a sad, sad song*
Charmin is too doggone expensive. I ain't paying 5 to 7 bucks for toilet paper, man!!
But sometimes, Kentucky has to deal with my hard wailings from downstairs.
"Kentucky! Throw down a roll of toilet tissha. Just throw it down on the sofa. I'll get it later!"
She buys it in bulk, you see. I only buy four rolls at a time.
Kentucky very rarely runs out of toilet tissha, but I do remember the last time she did. It was a couple of months ago. She came downstairs and grabbed a roll of my Angel Soft.
She was looking at me sideways for a couple of days, running around mumbling:
"Lisa, you got this cheap toilet tissue. I had to make sure I hadn't cut myself with it. Gotta make sure I get to the store and get me some Charmin."
I laughed at her. "Whatever, babes! Toilet paper is toilet paper!"
*Kentucky cuts eyes at Lee*
I was walking down the paper products aisle at the White people's Kroger over on Moreland Avenue. I saw that Kroger had their generic brand of toilet paper on sale.
It was 88 cents! Even got the words in spanish!
That's fancy right there!
I decided to go ahead on and get a pack.
For I am a Financial Freedom Fighter, ya see. I want to save money.
Nevermind that my usual brand, Angel Soft, was only $1.14.
88 cents was a bargain indeed. So good a hot deal that I bought TWO packs.
That was a great buy. Really.
Now, remember awhile back, I'd bought the newQuilted Northern Ultra Plush 3-ply tissha.
That right there, my friends, is the Cadillac of toilet paper. And it costs about 8 to 9 bucks.
That goes beyond "Be Kind to your Behind!"
The slogan for that high class tissha should be:
"**Treat that ASS**"
Anyway, I bought 2 packs of the 88 cent toilet paper. Later when needed, I opened up a roll.
Rubbed a square of the 1-ply paper between my fingers...
Thought to myself... "Hmmm... this feels like sandpaper. Hmmm."
Balled some up in my hand. Noticed that it sounded like I was balling up a piece of notebook paper or aluminum foil.
"They must've taken this straight from the tree, right after the bark was removed," I thought to myself as I placed a roll on the roller in my bathroom.
Whatever. Toilet paper don't bother me.
Toilet paper is toilet paper, right?
*Lee frowning REAL hard!*
The first time I used that tissha? I was like, "Man! This right here is a bit rough!"
And after using it many more times?
An Oldgirl was UPSET.
Kinda like... "I feel like I gotta go to the bathroom."
*LadyLee stomping off to the bathroom*
I was close to delirious by the time I finished off that first pack.
Stared hard at the second pack.
Then one day, I was standing at the entrance to my bathroom, leaning against the doorjamb, REALLY needing to go...
And pondering the toilet tissha issha.
I stared at the toilet.I stared at the toilet tissha.
Looked back at the toilet.
Looked back at the toilet tissha.
My bottom lip quivered.
My eye twitched uncontrollably.
I ran into the living room, cupped my hands around my mouth, and yelled...
"Kentucky! Throw down a roll of toilet tissha. Just throw it down on the sofa, girl. Right now!!!!"
I will never make such a dire mistake, ever again.
So much for being thrifty! I want to be financially free, but not THAT free!
Do yourself a favor: Don't be like LadyLee.
Go head on and buy the GOOD tissha.
Leave the cheap stuff alone.
Always, and I mean, ALWAYS...
Be VERY kind to YOUR behind!