Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Day 15 - Your Dreams

This is a hard one, because I am not much of a dreamer. And I'm in a jacked up mood.

I actually wrote this post before work (at a time when I should've been out on my walk-with my triflin' self). But I held it today. There's a question that came up in my heart concerning it. A question I'll add at the end, one you should answer quietly to yourself in your personal time).

My dreams are more tangible than not. And I don't know if tangible is a great word to describe my dreams. I just can't think of another word.

My dreams lean more towards solving current issues.

Like, I dream that I'll wake up and the lupus will be gone. And that my joints are strong, and I can jump, jog or even run a 5K like so many of you do. I dream of a day of not taking so many meds just to stay alive and feeling a'ight with nary a pill in sight.

I dream of paying my house off. I dream of having a family and not groaning deep inside when it comes to my own family gatherings, but attending them with much joy and eagerness.

Things like that. Not a day goes by that I don't think about those things. They are dreams, that are so real that I feel like I can reach out and touch them, but I wake up and realize they are what they are:

Dreams. Proverbial puffs of smoke.

But puffs of smokes are real. (I'm just saying).

But one of my biggest "dream" dreams invovles writing. One of my dreams is to get something I've written published. And I would love to write for a living.

Oh, I'm scientifically published. I know the joy of seeing my name a professional journal. I was 21 years old the first time I saw my name on a publication. It involved the Chem.lum.inesen.ce of 1,2-dio.xetanes. (Yeah, that messed your head up. That's similar to lightn.ing bugs you see in the summer, but with CHEMICALS. Yes, an Oldgirl has dabbled in elect.rochemistry).

I know how that feels. Kind of like being high, lol.

I dream of that same feeling when it comes to some of my creative writing.

And I'm not talking about writing the all time great American novel. I don't really care for long projects like that, even though I work on manuscripts of that length. (Got a 1000 page manuscript in a box in the closet as we speak. It is the "Great American Oldgirl Novel, lol).

No, I would love to do some freelance writing, nonfiction and fiction. I love writing short stories, and things of that nature. I would love to write magazine articles. Quick stuff like that. I think that's why I like blogging so much. Yes, I'm "prolific", as my big blog sista Chele says, but this is fast and and it satisfies my writing joneses.

I would love to make a living off of that. To be able to do this and make a living from it, enough so where I could walk away from my job.

What. a. dream.

Makes my frickin' eye twitch like crazy.

But such a dream is frowned upon.

I can't say that I frown at it. This is my PASSION. I love, love, LOVE to write.

There's nothing like writing, with a goal of writing for a half hour...

And then looking up and see that it's hours later. I love that.

What I don't like about writing is that it all has to be "readied" for submission and all this depending on someone else to publish it.

Somewhere in the quagmire, my love for writing gets quenched.

I know, I know... It's a necessary evil. Yes it is.

I love crafting my stories, thinking about them, improving them... and chiseling them more.

I've learned that from the greatest writer on the planet, Miss Celie, i.e., the Great Tayari Jones, at whose feet I worship endlessly, lol.

I have many stories that are ready to go, just a matter of finding places for them. But it's time consuming. As a matter of fact, I'm submitting a couple soon. Not all that expectant of anything from it, except the experience of learning to write my query letters, and getting in the habit of correctly formatting manuscripts, etc... Just figuring out the parts I HATE to fool with.

These things take time. My best friend and I were discussing this the other day. For some reason, I find that people think I'm such a good writer, and it's as easy as sending out your work and it automatically get published. But I'm learning from my author friends, it ain't that easy.

Seems to come down to not what you know, but who you know.

Like with anything else in life, looks like.

A big dream of mine is self-publishing. But that is frowned upon, as people don't take time to do it right, but I've met a few professional people who have self published, and man, their books look and read a whole lot better than books coming out of big publishing houses. I am in AWE of that.

And that's a thought. A thought that is a dream.

I heard once that we should spend time dreaming. Spend time viewing what we want life to be through the eyes of our imagination, the eyes of our faith.

As a result, our mind creates a roadmap to that thing.

And as you can see from this post... I have to step and jump over the roadblocks in my mind so I can use the roadmap my heart and mind has created and travel the road.

(That last line was good right there. You have to admit, that was a good friendly neighborhood Oldgirl moment).

And here's another Oldgirl moment, a question for you:

There were a few "buts" in the post above. i left them in on purpose.

"Buts" are interesting. They are big, draw a lot of attention, and they cancel out EVERYTHING that was said just prior.

Circumstances follow big "buts".

And our circumstances talk to us. They are loud, bold and brash... take up the whole dayum room, they do.

But how much time do we spend talking to our circumstances, these circumstances that keep us contained? Denying the power they have over us? Taking them by their proverbial necks and wringing the cheese out of them? Do we believe our circumstances, and get in agreement with them, or do we talk enough trash to our circumstances where we believe what we say more than what the busted circumstances say?

Just something for you... and me... to ponder.

That was good right there. So good that you need an Obama church fan.

You can borrow mine.


Dreams. I have them.

Time to start living them.


  1. Good post, you are too funny. Yeah we all have dreams...(sighs). This post only confirmed what I was wondering PPP. That is all.



  2. *** you don't have to publish this, it's something i just wanted to say ***

    ps... i feel on that lupus! i have severe form of cns-sle along with a host of other things (see my recent blog post) but the darn if that lupus is giving me a run for my money, lol! i've started a charitable non profit for those newly diagnosed, currently living with and fighting lupus. we've got all papers in order, including our california state tax exemption, just waiting for the fed exemption. would love for you to be part of our network, i have info up on my blog, and would love to keep you posted. stay strong my butterfly warrior!


  3. @Sincerely Go... Yeah, I saw your comment on twitter. LOL.

    @Princess... You know I ain't erasing that. I have the severe SLE form like you, and I WISH I had somewhere to turn to when I was first diagnosed some 8 years ago. I myself have had to calm the nerves of a couple of newly diagnosed ladies. Sigh.

    Very useful indeed. Keep me posted.

  4. Circumstances follow big "buts". Hmmmm.

  5. We have a lot of the same dreams. Something I did was join an online local support group on yahoo for my fibromyalgia. It has helped.

    I hope all your dreams come to pass.

  6. I remember seeing a movie that had a line that goes, "if you wake up in the morning and all you can think of doing is writing then, you're a writer."

    You're a writer LadyLee.


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