Day Thirteen - This Week: "Better"

The topic of this post is This Week, whatever that means.

I will look at it from a point of view of this week ahead. In the light of weeks past.

This weekend has been a weekend where I took time to myself. This Sunday, I went to see a movie I really wanted to see (Salt), and I did my grocery shopping, and I just took time to drive slow and enjoy the day for what it was. I spent a little time out on the front porch, cleaning my my dirty white wooden slat rails with soap and water, and directing a local on the cutting of hedges. Last night I enjoyed finishing up a chapter of my current manuscript. I did my chores, well most of them. I'll finish up my chores, and get ready for my week sometime this evening. And I'll work on my story a little more.

If you haven't noticed, I've been having a time of it over the past couple of months or so. On the mental tip, that is. I've lost interest in a lot of things I like to do. There has been a lot of anger and belligerence on my part. There have been more tears than I care to admit. I hardly sleep. My lupus has been flaring up something awful, and that scares me a little.

Just been having a time of it, man. More stressed than I've been in awhile.

I admit these things to myself and critically examine it all.

I'm grown and unashamed. Ain't trying to impress nobody or gain approval.

I hate to admit those things, though. I don't even talk about such to anyone. It is rare for me to have a shoulder to cry on. I do a lot of praying. I get my answers. And that's how I manage to deal. I don't like my answers, because they're not easy answeres. But I will work it.

I think the biggest highlight of the past couple of months was my trip to Arkansas. I hate traveling for work, but I really needed to get away from the shenanigans of my job. The last couple of weeks have been a bit horrid at work. And a whole nother layer is added to the madness when I have to watch those around me going through horrible treatment. I tend to be way too empathetic for my own good.

I told a coworker on Friday evening, when we were preparing to leave work...

"Next week, I'm going to have a better week. I'm going to do better."

She had that *crickets* look on her face, as she knows I've been working terribly hard.

And you know? That's where the focus needs to be. To have an attitude of doing better. Not just at work, but at home. Doing better about setting not only weekly, but daily goals for myself, and meeting them. And being really careful to be thankful for all the good that happens. I worked on my attitude last week, and things got better.

This week, life will be better. I set my heart and will to do better. Period.

Not caring what goes on. And that is something that I've let slip lately. I've been too full of care, letting the circumstances wrap their tenacles around me and snare me.

I had things to be thankful for over the last week. Some extra money fell into my hands, unexpected money. That's always good, as I am trying to do better and be better about not only saving money, but somehow being a blessing to others. I also solved a couple of problems on this difficult project we are working on, and it gets me closer to somewhere, where ever that is. And I forced myself to get back to some of the things I enjoy, and it was therapeutic in its doing.

And this week, this upcoming week, I will work on being thankful. In the midst of whatever is going on. Looking back, I find that I do this anyway, out of habit, but I want to really search my heart, and be thankful for the little things.

One of the bright spots of my week, something that made me smile already took place.

For some BIZARRE reason, Miss Celie asked me about running. Now that Oldgirl know I don't run on these busted arthritic joints. My doctor would pimp slap me if she caught wind of me out running. I couldn't tell her about running, but I was able to hook her up with a fellow tweeter who runs. And she hooked her up with a site, and I think ol' Celie gonna get out there and get started.

I'm thankful I could think of a way to be helpful in someway, albeit indirectly. And to one of my favorite people, the best writing mentor on the planet in my eyes. That makes me smile.

I know this post may not make sense to you. Sometimes I like to wipe off a few of the dirty windows of my heart, so a little light can shine through.

I just needed to write about "This week"... and my focus for the upcoming week.

And I needed to write something that I can come back and read and that'll bring me back to the proper perspective if this week looks like it's going to get out of hand.

This week, I will do better. I will be faithful and sincere, keeping myself in check, and surrounding myself with people who will help me with that.

This week will be better. I know it will.